Ok... because it apparently is not entirely obvious

[sparkindarkness]

I am a guy - male, that is.

Now I must go dress terribly, watch some sport and get drunk to reaffirm my poor tattered masculinity *nurses masculinity*

Comments

[baranduyn.livejournal.com]

I'll take a wild guess and assume you're referring to the Mother of All Bints mentioned over on c_s. I mean 'mentioned' in the sense of 'bewailing such things exist and expect to be interacted with'.

Just be grateful you're fairly young and British, else you might have worked on my late mother's divorce which went on for nearly a year, generated a stack of documents literally a foot and a half thick (American measurement, like all of my people I'm pants at metric), caused two established divorce lawyers to give up and switch back to criminal law because it was easier than dealing with my mother and was fought over assets totalling less than forty thousand dollars.

She hated men. My sisters and I have no idea how we were conceived, except we think Dad snuck up on Mom while she was sleeping and she didn't notice. I used to think she was allergic to testosterone, but she possessed so much herself I now think she was simply resentful of anyone who had some and wouldn't give it to her.

The only comfort I could give the poor attorneys who were expected to make my father's alleged fortune appear rather like a rabbit out of a hat is that the woman never had an orgasm in her life. I'm pretty sure Mother Bint over there is the same. Maybe she's a psychic vampire, but instead of taking your life essence she just took some of your testosterone.

No matter what, she'll never have a dick. In any way.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Heh, British people work in both Imperial and metric quite randomly. We used to be imperial but slowly but surely we're recognising it as a silly method of measurement and reluctantly shifting to metric. But you will occasionally get silly measurements like "3 metres, 2 inches" while we do the changeover.

*shudder* your mother sounds... classic. There is a reason lawyers are well paid.

Oh gods, I have wonderful mental images of the stealth conception now... with a deamon that steals and devours testosterone.


I think that is mother bint's problem as well - has lived for 50 years without a single orgasm

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

If your masculinity requires you to do things you don't like, let it stay in tatters. I much prefer happy people to stereotypical ones ;)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

heeee, I think that the whole definition of what is masculine should change to match me. Yes, yes it should :)

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

Awwww. If it's any consolation, I knew you were a guy. I even snorted a little when I read the comments in your other post.

Would it help you feel better if I hit on you or something?

Ahem. "Hey baby, I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?"

That brings up a question. Is it flattering when women hit on gay guys, or do you just not care?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Ah, All hope is not lost!

Argh, cheesy pick up lines - all hope is indeed reduced to ashes.

Depends on the gay guy. It depends on the situation with me. If she's doing it in a place where I'm safe and comfy (like a gay bar or a gay-friendly bar) then it's flattering and fun - you can even play the flattering fun flirting game. If it's somewhere like a dinner party or somewhere where you don't feel comfortable yelling "sorry love I prefer cock" then it can be awkward because you've got to somehow discourage without hurting feelings and without coming out in a situation you don't want to.

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

The pick up line was culled off a list that was sent to me in my email. Rest assured, I have not, nor will ever use it. That was also the least offensive one on the list. (Though useless, the others were quite funny. Hubby and I have been quoting them at each other at random times.)

When I read your answer to my question, for some reason I pictured a cocktail party, maybe with a piano in the background playing softly. Suddenly, the quiet conversation is interrupted by a man across the room shouting, "Leave me alone! I don't like the vagina!"

I do have to say, the flirting thing is a lot of fun. Flirting that can't make my hubby jealous! Yay!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

flirting is fun :) so long as everyone knows where the lines are being drawn.

Yes, that would somewhat break the mood of a cocktail party, wouldn't it?

[shunaria.livejournal.com]

My masculinity died sometime around the age of sixteen, to be replaced with a comfortable geek androgyny. It makes me happy.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Geek androgyny. hmmmm... much better.

[tinimaus.livejournal.com]

*cough*


I thought you were a woman, too, for about your first three posts on c_s, but then I figured it out.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Ah, methinks there weas nothing in those 3 posts to give a clue.

[lalajia.livejournal.com]

Ditto :) Went off, read your lj for a bit, realised that having a male partner was telling me *nothing* then eventually figured it out :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Heee, I guess I just do not make it exceptionally clear. At least it is figure-out-able

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

Same here.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*prods msaculinity* I think it's a lost cause, i really do

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

Aw, I'm sure your masculinity is all that and a bag of chips. I just can't see it online, is all. ;)

[sethgraham.livejournal.com]

I sympathize. I would much rather stay inside with a good book than go out and play football, or whatever else is considered masculine today.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I know - and power tools? What is the fascination with power tools?

Of course watching sports - so long as they involve shorts or speedos, isn't a bad thing.

[tinimaus.livejournal.com]

I know - and power tools? What is the fascination with power tools?

Erm, nothing. Power tools are ded dull. Don't know why anyone would want them and, like, own two drills, a circular saw, a jigsaw, an angle grinder and assorted other bits *sidles inconspicuously in front of her massive tool box*.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I don't see why anyone needs anything more than an axe. The second best tool in the world, it does everything you could ever want

[tinimaus.livejournal.com]

My SO used to work in a big chemical plant before he saw the light an got a degree, and they used to refer to a big hammer as a 10 pound micro adjuster. Very handy, especially if something refused to calibrate. "Ah, we'll have to change that, it's broken." "No, it's not." *WHACK* "Yes, it is."

Now I want an axe.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

It's broken, we get to replace it :)

I find an axe can do anything including laundry. You go, find someone who can perform said task, threaten them with the axe. Task is performed. Can there be a more useful tool?

[tinimaus.livejournal.com]

Your reasoning is fantastic. You must be a devil in the courtroom.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Heh, thank you

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

Although, a broadsword can come in handy.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I tend to look at them as performing the same task

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

that job being essential squishing

[sethgraham.livejournal.com]

I don't know, I'm terrified of power tools. I'm not the most coordinated guy ever, and I'm certain I'd lose limbs if I took up power tools.


Well, I'm not quite as appreciative of the male body as you are, so I don't really get my kicks from guys in shorts and speedos. I do have to say I'm a huge fan of soccer, and I love watching it on tv.

[chris-baby.livejournal.com]

Don't forget to burp savagely and then laugh with teh amusement.

Meh. Who needs masculinity when you got the looks, baby.

PS. I'm just an innocent lurker, originally from c_s, but you may be in my browser by now. Because you make me laugh more than my ex, and I stuck with him for 3 years. Love the snark.

Cheers!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*groan* I forgot to find bodily functions amusing.

I'm going to make a t-shirt of that "I'm not masculine but I'm HOT!"


Hee, thank you. There can never be too much snark.

[chris-baby.livejournal.com]

*groan* I forgot to find bodily functions amusing.

*iz bewildered* You must NEVER forget that if you want your masculinity to be at all credible! Focus!

I'm going to make a t-shirt of that "I'm not masculine but I'm HOT!"

Heh. It is very well combined with that "I'm not gay but my boyfriend is". Which do you consider more of an "office shirt"? Hee.

There can never be too much snark.

Show that smirk proudly! I always do.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Aie, I'm, just no good at this.

I think the best office shirt is "so many men, so few can afford me."

[meridae.livejournal.com]

Somehow I feel that the drinking bit isn't going to be a hardship for you . . . until you remember that the traditional english male drink is warm beer! TEHEHEHEHEHE! Don't forget the pickles and pork rinds. And to fart - you've got to fart. I could so help you with this!!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Moi, drink? Oh per5ish the thought! Everyone who knows me knows that...

ah hell, there's no way I can continue that sentence honestly. *hands out teh rum and starts dancing on the tables*

Warm beer? Actually I don't like beer of any temperature (oh dear... some more masculinity just crumbled away before my cocktails) but *puts on flat cap and wields whippet* o' copurse we like warm beer, lass. Why them soft southern jessies (TM) chill t'beer so much that there's hardly aught t'taste, tha'nos.

Pork rinds? HORROR! Can you imagine how long you have to spend in the gym to work off pork rinds... Oh dear gods, I'm a lost cause.


Ew, I will have to hire you as my masculinity mentor :)

[linamishima.livejournal.com]

There's nothing wrong with a warm ale! Just as long as it's a brew that takes well to being warm.

Your typical beer is better chilled, certainly.

...
...
I suspect I've just regained those lesbian credentials lost through being pants at pool, haven't I?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

You stole my masculinity! Thief! Thief!

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

*laughing* well if it makes you feel any better, i did have you pegged right. ;)

granted, it reminds me of a situation i had a long time ago on a well-loved message board where it genuinely surprised a number of people i'd been speaking to regularly to discover i was female. i was quite baffled. granted, it was all geek, all the time so blinders were probably firmly in place.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

heee, I thought you did :) Well, I knew you did.

It's amazing how many people don't realise women can be geeks. Women make very good geeks.