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Patience Sparky, remember he's cute
Apr. 7th, 2010 04:53 pmBeloved went shopping last week. I say this with a due sense of dread - but since I was working every waking hour I didn’t have much choice in the matter.
It didn’t help thatthe fool man someone (who is probably not me. Maybe.) ridiculously quite understandably hasn’t been adding several obviously essential every day items easily forgotten trifles to the list. Because of his childlike inability to manage someone’s unfortunate but quite forgivable oversight many essentials were not bought. Like flour. And yeast. And milk. And butter. (Really, you’d think I wouldn’t even have to ADD such things to the list since they’re so patently obvious - so clearly his fault).
Of course, our shopping bill was the same. And why is that? Why that is because Beloved has all the impulse control of a ferret on crack. Which means we have things like the unbelievable selection of 8 squillion varieties of green tea. We don’t drink tea. Of any variety or colour. It tastes like someone spilled a kettle onto a herb rack and bottled the resulting run off. It tastes like someone steeped a bag of potpourri.
And then there’s the fruit. The most exotic, expensive fruit he can imagine. Things with inch thick rinds and waxy skin that taste like sugar dissolved in Benilyn. Really, do we need extra expensive fruit to rot in the bowl to pretend we’re doing the healthy eating thing?
I do not know what this chemical cleaner is supposed to clean. nor do I think I want to. Can I destroy it in a controlled explosion?
And yes, we use soured cream. It’s very useful stuff soured cream. 3 pints of soured cream? It’s going to be more than damn sour before we get round to using it all!
And of course we cannot forget the 3 bird roast. Really, one of these days he is going to learn that a household of 2 does not need roast birds that could feed a regiment - let alone three of them stuffed into each other.
I haven’t even looked in the freezer yet. I am expecting large bags all labelled “meat - misc” each containing enough meat for 4 meals - all frozen into one big lump.
And I don't know what THIS is but it isn't coffee. Ye gods, what monster would DO this to the noble coffee bean?
It didn’t help that
Of course, our shopping bill was the same. And why is that? Why that is because Beloved has all the impulse control of a ferret on crack. Which means we have things like the unbelievable selection of 8 squillion varieties of green tea. We don’t drink tea. Of any variety or colour. It tastes like someone spilled a kettle onto a herb rack and bottled the resulting run off. It tastes like someone steeped a bag of potpourri.
And then there’s the fruit. The most exotic, expensive fruit he can imagine. Things with inch thick rinds and waxy skin that taste like sugar dissolved in Benilyn. Really, do we need extra expensive fruit to rot in the bowl to pretend we’re doing the healthy eating thing?
I do not know what this chemical cleaner is supposed to clean. nor do I think I want to. Can I destroy it in a controlled explosion?
And yes, we use soured cream. It’s very useful stuff soured cream. 3 pints of soured cream? It’s going to be more than damn sour before we get round to using it all!
And of course we cannot forget the 3 bird roast. Really, one of these days he is going to learn that a household of 2 does not need roast birds that could feed a regiment - let alone three of them stuffed into each other.
I haven’t even looked in the freezer yet. I am expecting large bags all labelled “meat - misc” each containing enough meat for 4 meals - all frozen into one big lump.
And I don't know what THIS is but it isn't coffee. Ye gods, what monster would DO this to the noble coffee bean?
