This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to babysit.

R, for some unknown reason, still seems to think that being godfather to both of her spawn makes me honour bound to not feed them into a car crusher if said spawn are left in my house. Sadly, the law frowns on the crushing of kids into nifty square packages so more constructive means of revenge are required. Usually this involves finding products full of caffeine and e-numbers, loading said little bundles of chaos up with them just before I hand them back to the parents. Thus justice is done.

Sometimes more advanced methods are needed. Thankfully there’s no shortage of evil that can be committed with a 5 year old child.


R: And what have you been doing today with Uncle Sparky?
M: We’ve been talking about when I grow up.
R: Are you going to be a vet when you grow up?
M: No, am going to be a henchman.
R: What?
M: I’m going to be uncle Sparky’s henchman when he takes over the world.
R: Really?
M: Yes. And I get to drop people in the piranha tank if Uncle Sparky don’t like them
R: Oh..
M: We drop them feet first so they can see themselves being eaten.
R: *pointed look*
Sparky: *innocent face*
M: *is demonstrating with Barbie and Nemo* nom nom nom nom

*boggles* There's a lot of batshit crazy out there

See, I was surfing round various blogs when someone mentioned something that was so ridiculously insane that I just had to spend some quality time with google to confirm


http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/21606.php
http://www.healthcentral.com/genital-herpes/news-278709-98.html
http://www.thebody.com/content/news/art49868.html

And horrifyingly, it seems that it's at least partially true.


It's part of this whole "abstinence only education" movement (and you know I should expect any amount of insanity from that). In particular the news that some virgins are preserving their virginity by having anal sex.

.....

...

..

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No, no matter how many times I type that it just doesn't fit in the brain. They have anal sex to preserve their virginity. They have anal SEX to preserve their virginity. They have ANAL SEX to preserve their VIRGINITY.

No, does not compute. Brain refuses to deal with this. In fact brain has fractured into several pieces in response to the stupidity (and part of it is snickering at me that, by these people's standards, I'm technically a virgin - does that get me moral high ground points?)

Now, I admit that the whole virgin borderline is a bit fuzzy. In fact, sometimes it's a bit fuzzy just to define sex. I mean, in my wonderful world of kinks and tricks and treats I've had erotic sexual encounters where everyon involved was fully dressed (no comments about what they were dressed AS thank you, and yes, you were thinking it) and other encounters were everyone was nekked and touching and no sex was involved. And then there's no end of sexual fumbling you can go through before most people will acknowledge the virgin line has been crossed. I think you can even have a long and interesting debate about oral sex and what side of the virgin line it crosses.

But anal sex? No. C'mon, no. Sure, the hymen is technically intact - but seriously, virgin? No. Really, I don't believe anyone believes that. About the only thing doing anal but not vaginal does for these deluded people is protect from pregnancy - and contraception does that much (but, the depressing thing is, you know these kids protecting their "virginity" with anal sex probably aren't using protection). It certainly doesn't proptect you from STDs (which MUST be the MAIN reason for sex education) and if it's for religious reasons? Well, if you believe in a god that cares whether you're a virgin or not I doubt VERY VERY much that said deity is going to be impressed by "I'm a virgin, we only had anal sex."



On a related note, one of the many studies on abstinence education has now revealed that it becomes even LESS effective if 30%+ of the student population in an area makes the virginity pledge (gods, does that not just make you want to gag?) which is (rightly) given as evidence that viginity pledges cannot be used as a widescale solution (*snorfle* like it ever was?!) But, of course it reveals more. It becomes less effective the more people do it? Well done guys, you've created a subculture, a clique.

Seriously, think about it. It becomes less effective the more of their school friends do it? Because they lose interest in it. It's not exclusive enough, it doesn't make them special enough, doesn't make them different enough. These are teenagers, after all. They've created this abstinence subculture, but it's totally not cool if EVERYONE does it. Only the hardcore members of any subculture stay in it when it becomes mainstream - trust me, I've seen the same thing with TEENY!Pagans and TEENY!Goths - you have the hardcore "true believers" and then a huge shed load of poseurs and hangers on walking the walk because it's cool and new and different - and then when there's too many of them it's no longer cool any more - and it all falls back to the hardcore again.

So, great, a virginity pledge subculture. Good way to mess with kids minds? Sure. Method of comprehensive, universal sex education? Not so much.