First wedding report: The BAD.

[sparkindarkness]

Much craziness was witnessed, participated in and ran from at the wedding, as was expected. Unfortunately more than any amusement snark, one particular incident kind of outweighs them all for me and lowers my faith in humanity again.

I met up with (surprise to surprise - you have to do the round of cousins) one my cousins. I’m quite close to Rache. I grew up with her, when one of us wasn’t travelling we saw each other daily almost. She was one of the first people I came out to and the first to slap me upside the head for not telling more people. When her daughter was born she wanted me to be her godfather (for 2 reasons: 1) she wanted to see if I could enter a church without turning to ash and 2) godparents are obliged to give free, no-notice babysitting. Apparently. So she says).

Having circled the buffet 3 times, talked to 4 elderly relatives and even petted cats I could no longer avoid her and that gleam in her eye that all parents get now and then - y’know the one, the one that says “Argh! I’m going to carve out my womb so I never spawn again!” so I am ambushed by her and her New (ish) mother-in-law, who I have not yet had the pleasure to meet.

So we talk, inevitably a request for imminent babysitting next week raises its head, to which I acquiesce graciously and carefully remove the shrimp fork from her white-knuckle grip, we remind MiL that I’m little bratleigh’s godfather and that I have babysitted her dozens of time (I mutter “hundreds” and get a jugular piercing glare). All is happy and we move the conversation on, discover MiL is largely non-objectionable despite being death as a post and inclined to leap topics without warning.

Then I realised that Beloved had scarpered to some island of sanity and asked if Rache had seen him so I could slap him upside the head request his return, and new MiL speaks up.

MiL: Who IS Beloved?
R: Sparky’s other half.
Me: *nods*
MiL: *pause* You’re gay?
Me: yes.
MiL: *to Rache in a not-quite-but-meant-to-be-whisper-of-the-hard-of-hearing* Is that safe?
Me: *confused* No, you need to stand back. I may explode and shower the room with rainbows at any moment
Rache: I think we’re all safe here *also confused. Clearly questioning MiL’s sanity and worrying about daughter‘s genetics*
MiL: I mean Bratleigh...
Me: *Confused, bratleigh is at home* You receiving psychic warnings now? I thought we segregated all the elderly women who thought they were psychic near the gin.
MiL: I mean, you know *sickly grin* Babysitting.
Rache: *is lost* no...
Me: *clinging to confusion* Oh, she did not. Bitch, tell me you did not just imply what I thought you did?
MiL: *turns to me, a little red faced, attempt at smile* No offence.
Rache: *penny drops. Turns bright red. Clearly planning on extracting spouse’s genetics from spawn as soon as she can find a big enough plunger*
Me: Oh my gods, you did! *walks away*

Rache chased me down later to apologise (and, sadly, confirm that YES, she was worried about leaving her granddaughter in the evil, pernicious clutches of homosexuals). Which is awkward because I really don’t want Rache to feel awkward or apologetic because her MiL is an insane troglodyte. OK, what I REALLY don’t want is to people assume I’m a child predator because I’m gay (and “no offence“? C’mon, woman, you just implied I’m some kind of child abuser or paedophile. In what alternate dimension can this NOT be offensive?) but my cousin not feeling like shit will do for now.

Thankfully it was near the end of the night so only Beloved had to endure my arsey mood. Which is kind of stupid because, I should soooo be above this. I seen worse, I’ve heard worse, I thought I was immune to this kind of rubbish, but every now and then one gets through. Why do I still let this crap get to me?

Comments

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Heh. Everybody has some little thing that gets to them despite all rationality.

*cough* See my recent frothing over pr0n and hypocrisy...

It's really kind of sad the automatic associations people make. I suppose I'm occasionally guilty of drawing connections that don't exist myself, but you really would think that people would notice that (duh!) implying somebody is a pedophile isn't exactly nice.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

But I'm normally really good in the face of most homophobia. I know I have break points (the f-word will ALWAYS snap me. ALWAYS) but I don't know why this was one of them.

*looks and nosies*

People make assumptions all the time, and they're often wrong, fair enough - it's just this one? Really shouldn't be made any more *sigh*

[makarov.livejournal.com]

wonder if she'd feel safer leaving the kid with a slightly insane american, who drinks & smokes, sometimes too much, & who has ready access to an armory that'd rival that of the local Police Dept, who just happen to be right across the alley from me

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*sigh* that depends. Is he heterosexual? if so, possibly.

(Alright, unfair of me. By all accounts she is rather paranoid of her granddaughter's safety, I'm just not feeling very fair right now)

Still, maybe I can borrow some of his toys

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel any better at all, I would have no qualms about introducing you and Beloved (either together or separately) to my fourteen-year-old son.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank you, that does mean a lot to me

[beladibaby.livejournal.com]

Why do you let that crap get to you? Because your a human being with feelings maybe? Sorry you have to put up with stupidity. ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!)))))))))))))))))))))))

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

Yes, it was a hurtful thing to say, but... well, I'm kind of used to it? I'm an out-of-the-closet homosexual, you expect some nasty words thrown at you now and then, so it's normally water off a duck's back.

Thank you, one day this stupidity may all be gone

[helbling.livejournal.com]

Ker-ist, congratulations on not indulging in MiL's painful and immediate death. I still can't get over how backwards some people are; you'd have thought people who's IQ's bear that much resemblance to a retarded grapefruit would have been bred out of the gene pool by now.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I was sorely tempted.

It's amazing isn't it? Shouldn't natural selection have pruned these out by now?

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

*hisssssss*

i'm sorry, the two molesters i knew were straight. statistically, the vast majority of them present themselves as so. in other words, go fuck yourself, lady.

you did good. 'cause obviously, you ripping her face off wouldn't have accomplished anything. ...i do rather wish i was there, tho. >=(

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

All the molestors I know were/are straight too.

Exactly the response I wanted to say to the wretched woman. But didn't, because I don't want to ruin a wedding AND make Rache's relationship with her inlaws (who she has to put up with) difficult.

Thanks. I admit, if we weren't at my cousins' wedding and if Rache didn't have to deal with this woman on a regular basis, I may have been less... dignified.

Oh, I wish you had been there too, that would have been fuuuun :)

[baranduyn.livejournal.com]

Why do I still let this crap get to me?

Because, love, you're still human and hope that there's humanity in everyone.

I still have to kick myself an average of twice a week when someone's rampant stupidity surprises me. Assuming all gay people are pedophiles (paedophiles for you over there) is stupid and involves almost willfull ignorance.

Please tell Rache she is not responsible for her MIL's idiocy. I actually stopped speaking to mine about seven years ago (cumulative crap) and feel the better for it.

Please also remember, Sparky, you don't WANT someone like Rache's MIL to like you; having someone that venal, shallow and half-bright like you would reflect badly on your own character.

I advise an advanced course in junk kicking (can be done to women too and is every bit as devastating) or finally giving into my karma and allowing myself to be hired out for judicious junk kicking when necessary. I has boots. ;)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank you. You'd think I'd stop looking for humanity in most people, wouldn't you?

Aye, that's what gets me. How can ANYONE be that stupid and that ignorant in this day and age? It's simply NOT POSSIBLE to be that stupid. The only way someone can believe that is if, on some level, they want to believe it.

I told her. I also told her that I didn't want her to tell off or snub her MiL in any way. I never have to deal with MiL again, but Rache and her husband and her daughter will and I don't want to be the cause of a rift between them. I don't want my issues with the woman to make her family life difficult.

Aye, i can do without the good opinion of creatures like that. there are too many good people in the world to waste time on the bad ones.

Boots! Oooh, must hire the booted one!

[logophilos.livejournal.com]

No one should have to get used to that kind of thing, no one. I'm so sorry that pig-ignorant old bitch couldn't have the manners to at least spew her crap elsewhere, if she wasn't smart enough to work out for herself what a moron she is.

Makes me want to breed so I could ask you to babysit myself - the worst I could see happening to my putative offspring was that you might pass on your appalling taste in curtains :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Agreed wholehearted. I shouldn't have to get used ot it - but I am, or at least have largely developed a thick skin to it.

One of the things that gets me is I really think that creature was GENUINELY CONCERNED about her granddaughter, and it leaves such a bad taste in the mouth. I mean, it's one thing to be hated, I KNOW the bigots hate me, I can hate them right back - but to have people afraid for the safety of their children because of me? Gah, that's harder, much harder.


Thank you again :). And yes, they would have gold curtains and they will love them and they will nag for more! And some will be in CRUSHED VELVET!

[solid-squid.livejournal.com]

What always thows me most about this kind of stupidity is the suggestion that a gay male (ie, interested in men, not women) would be dangerous to leave a young girl with. On what planet does that make even the remotest bit of sense?

Anyway, good for you for not sinking to her level, even in the face of the "no offence" defence

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that kind of confuses me too. "Hello, what part of the word 'homosexual' are you NOT understanding here?"

Though I'm told by the various child experts that gender of the child is actually not related to the abuser's normal sexuality (most young boys who are molested are molested by heterosexuals, for example) since it's more about the power of the act (as an aside, most men who rape adult MEN are heterosexual too).

But I doubt she is aware of that or that well informed, and just making an ignorant assumption that isn't even logically consistant with its own hate.


Thank you, I'm glad I didn't make a huge issue of it there. And I sitll boggle at "no offence." Like saying it will make it all better

[procris.livejournal.com]

Because, you know, Teh Gay is contagious. Across genders, ages, races, and income levels.

We decided in college that if anyone was contagious with Teh Gay, it was my friend who's going to be a children's librarian. He's gay and transgendered. I'd have him babysit for me any time, if I ever spawned.

On the same level, we decided that another of my friends gave you cancer. Sit with one, you get Gay. Sit with the other, you get Cancer. We had too much time on our hands, obviously.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Yep, I will infect the world with my rainbow powers!

Heh, there's no such thing as too much time on your hands when it leads to whackiness.

[wonapalei.livejournal.com]

Why do I still let this crap get to me?

Because it fucking hurts. You are perfectly entitled to feel hurt when someone implies that you might in some way injure a person you care about. Saying "no offence" doesn't make it hurt less. Being a idiot and an outsider and an insane troglodyte doesn't make it hurt less. And saying "don't let it get to you" doesn't make it hurt less.

For me, "not letting things get to me" doesn't mean that the insult doesn't hurt; it just means I don't dwell and brood on it forever. I go home, eat ice cream, rewatch my favourite bits of Pride and Prejudice (anything with wet Colin Firth), and eventually get over it. For you, I prescribe cuddling with Beloved--and with Bratleigh, when she comes over to be babysat. Preferably in front of Insane Troglodyte. :D

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

It does hurt. It really does. But it happens, or variations of it, happen a LOT. I don't know, I expect to numb out after a time, you know? It seems, well, unfair, that it can happen so often and still hurt. It's like, "immune system, kick in already, will you?"


Beloved cuddling is certainly on the menu. he's giving me my space first I think - he always tends to know what I need even if I aren't entirely sure. Heee, now that would be a plan to use against her, but that would mean meeting her again and I'm going to try really hard to pretend she doens't exist :)

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

Because stupid people get to you. It happens to everyone. You know they're being dumb and that getting mad won't do any good, but, eh, you're human and you want to have faith in the rest of humanity.

Also, I hate "No offence, but..." statements. Just like anyone who starts a sentence with "I'm not a racist, but..." Both of those openings are WITHOUT FAIL followed by something that's incredibly offensive and/or racist.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I think that's a part of it (beyond the simple hurt of it). If she were a bigot screaming the f-word at me or telling me to burn in hell or whatever, well, been there done that, got the t-shirt and sent it back. I could handle it. i wouldn't like it, and it'd hurt, but not much. But it's this actual concern for her granddaughter that hurts. This idea that she needs to protect my cousin, my goddaughter from me.

Gods I hate the words "no offence." if they didn't want to cause offence, they really wouldn't have said it.

[stormcat.livejournal.com]

I'd say you can babysit my brat anytime, but a) there's a large-ish puddle in the way and b) I'm pretty sure the two of you would just egg each other on.

Gah. WTF is UP with that mindset, anyway? I have never, ever understood it... and I've known a gay guy who -was- a child predator. The one has nothing to do with the other. (Actually, I believe there are many, many more straight predators.)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank you, it does mean a lot. It's silly how these doubts can infect you isn't it?

of course I'd egg her on :) I may not be a danger to kids, but I certainly aren't a responsible babysitter :p


I just don't get it. I think it goes with the stupid "recruitment myth" and because it's such an easy, vile thing to throw at people for instant discredit

[polarbee.livejournal.com]

Oh, right. I completely forgot how sexual predation is only linked to sexual preference and not to power/mental issues. Silly me.
Why oh why does this idea persist?

[touchstone.livejournal.com]

Well, because while it is incorrect, it does have a rational basis. And before anyone jumps on me, remember that applying logic to a flawed premise is still a rational process - it just leads to a wrong conclusion.

The people who have this attitude have, in their heads, a list of Important Things One Does Not Do associated with sex. (For many of them, this includes 'Anything other than the missionary position with the lights out, and no enjoying it', but I digress) The important thing to understand is that in their head, it's not a SERIES of rules - it's one rule with eleventy-dozen sub-clauses. One of those subclauses is 'don't sexually abuse children'. Another is 'don't have sex with someone of the same gender'.

From where they're sitting, it's perfectly reasonable upon meeting someone who breaks one sub-clause of this elaborate set of strictures to assume that, or at least be put into doubt whether, they also ignore the rest...because it's One Rule. Let's summarize that rule as 'Be like me'.

They just don't understand that someone can disagree with them about part of that list, but agree about the rest. It's beyond their (simplistic) system for categorizing the world.

[ciaryn.livejournal.com]

Long time reader, first time poster.

Let me say what that woman said was hurtful and I can totally see why it would bother you. It bothers me and it did not happen to me. I want to smack people like that all the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I would think that you and Beloved would make wonderful sitters and my 12 year old daughter (who read this also) said "that woman is stupid, someone get her a clue by four"

Alicia

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Hellloooo

What she said was inexcusable - sadly people are very very inexcusable sometimes. I'm kind of annoyed with myself that I let the ignorant old creature get to me so.

Thank you... I think clue-by-fours should be put to essential use here - failing that a good haddock will do

[sapphybelle.livejournal.com]

Urgh

Back when I was still pretending to be a good little christian, I was one of the leaders for the kids church. Once they found out I was gay (via my mother who mentioned it in her women's group meeting when they were asked if anyone had had any difficult times that week... having come out to her during that week...) they said they didn't need me anymore.

Fucking pious cunts.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Gah, that is really sick. They don't need you? You don't need them in my book - and the only thing that grieves me is that they are going to bring up those poor kids in that legacy of disgusting hate.

They do their whole religion a vast disservice - they present a god that is truly a hateful and disgusting creature to know.

[touchstone.livejournal.com]

I can expand that 'No offense' for you, but it won't make you feel any better. It was probably something like: "No offense - I know it's not your fault, dear, and you can't HELP being totally unable to resist assaulting anything male on two legs or four; it's just what you've been cursed with. But since you know that's so also, surely you understand my concern?"

So, yeah.

What makes it more insulting, to my mind, is that she not only believed it, but to me, that 'No offense' says that she expected you to AGREE with her.

I'm so sorry.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Yeuch, that makes it even worse. It would be better if she meant "oh my god, I'm sorry, my bigoted ignorance caused me to panic about my granddaughter and it's only now I've realised what a vile terrible excuse for a human being I am. Please take no offence to what I am saying, while I go out back and throw myself in front of a bus"

Unfortunately, your version is much much more likely - because these people never admit or consider that they are wrong - even to the point of expecting me to acknowledge that I am everything they accuse me of

Actually I think another likely version is this stupid idea that saying "no offence" regardless of sincerity lets you say ANY disgusting crap and get away with it

[thisdaydreamer.livejournal.com]

What a stupid, STUPID, narrow minded, callous little bitch she was. "No offense"?!?!

I sure as hell take offense. It makes me ill to think that people feel that way. I would not have been able to keep quiet.

*hugs* You should not have had to deal with that. If I had kids (not that I likely ever will) I would be honored if you would be willing to babysit.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Isn't she just? A perfect description of her - and I still gape at "no offence." Seriously, how can it NOT be offensive? How can I be expected NOT to be offended?

I wouldn't either. I turned and walked away with my jaw clenched because I KNEW that if I opened my mouth all kinds of badness would come out

Thank you. No-one should, and it's deeply depressing that it still happens

[mzmadmike.livejournal.com]

I feel safer leaving my kids with my gay friends than with some unknown teenager or day care center...

I really don't get the connection.

[onyxhawke.livejournal.com]

I'm always most amazed by the contradiction in leaving a homosexual of one gender alone with a child of the other gender...

[a-roar-a.livejournal.com]

oi! people suck, maybe her true fear isn't pedophilia or recruiting, but that she might end up with an open minded grand daughter with a flair for good interior design and fashion sense? ;op
Personally the best babysitter I've ever had for my terribly attractive little boys was my dear friend Mike who happens to be gay, and I bemoan the fact that due to distance he can't watch them all the time. I applaud you for not throttling her (despite how much she deserves it). ::hugs and white chocolate ginger cookies::

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Truly this would be a fate worse than death! She wouldn't be able to pass on her hate, her ignorance, or her liking for that GHASTLY hat she was wearing!

Aye, the idea that being homosexual disqualifies you from being a good childminder is just so wrong on so many levels

Thank you - and *pounce on white chocolate!*

[being-here.livejournal.com]

WTF?

Stupid bitch.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

That covers it really. Seriously WTF moment

[makarov.livejournal.com]

i get something similar, being a gun owner, for far too many poeple here in the US, Gun Owner = DANGEROUS BOILING SEETHING CAULDRON OF BLOODY HOMOCIDAL RAGE JUST WAITING TO EXPLODE

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, you are? Really? COOL!

(Can I borrow you and aim you before you explode? 'Cause I've got this list, see...)

Oo !

[caslayerboi.livejournal.com]

*Gives you two quarts of Haagen Dazs: Vanilla Almond Swirl and Coffee*

There, there, Sparky. Take some of these, preferably served on the pecs of a naked (at the very least, shirtless) and panting beloved. Everything will be fine. Just ignore the idiots. Or, if you really want, I'll add the bitch to my "People I'm going to torture and kill when I take over the world! Mwahahahahaha!" list.

*More Sparky hugs* If you want, I can also make you a small EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) bomb. It wouldn't hurt biological items, unless there's someone with some sort of technological implant (e.g. pacemakers), but it'll definitely ruin ALL of her electronics. Watching that bitch needing to subject herself to the ruthless, sloth-like insurance bureaucracy, then needing to run around and buy everything back in a pandemonium of tears and confusion will be a bit comforting, no? Besides, as someone who's seen the effects of such a weapon firsthand, one never truly understand how much technology one has integrated into their lives until they have to replace every. little. thing. Gah!!!! It'll driver her ass batshit insane for at least four to six months as she realized the true extent of the damages.

Re: Oo !

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

This? Will make the world better, yes yes it will.

I think shirtless would result in terribly laundry bills. Naked is definitely the way to go. *counts hours until goes home now*

That list is getting awfully long. I mean, there's 50 pages on what i'm going to do to Phelps alone.

Thanks - that would be most satisfying. But I think i want to her to live looong and happpy and contented - and watch her granddaughter grow into a tolerant, reasonable, intelligent girl. That? Will be revenege :)

Oh alright, maybe one EMP bomb

[glassruby.livejournal.com]

I've lurked here for ages, but this one gets to me.

My now 30 year old daughter was babysat regularly by a gay friend, and never caught teh gay. What she did catch, for which I totally blame him, is a major and expensive shoe habit. He had a thing about shoes, she admired his shoes, and they used to spend happy evenings together looking at shoes in magazines. Expensive shoes.

Pfft.

Thought: how come baby gays don't catch the heterosexuals from straight babysitters?

[glassruby.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. Didn't close my itallics properly. Didn't mean to be quite that emphatic!

[hanks-lil-pit.livejournal.com]

I can't even...

Just.

No.

It never ceases to amaze me how utterly fucking rude people are, not to mention the stupidity they perpetuate. Oh, and I'll bet you good money that the experience didn't make you any more fond of wedding attendance, did it?

Hank

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's why I walked away because... just.. NO. Really NO!.

It stuns me just how little respect some people have for others - the things they'll say or do stun me

And no, the family weddings just pile up the baaaad moments for me.