sparkindarkness | Teh stupid attacks...

Of course, with all the confusion of the flood there is bound to be no shortage of stupid. I am wondering what qualifies as the greatest stupidity however.

The council, or possibly the environment agency, have told us we are on “silver alert.” Fine, but no-one has actually bothered to explain to us exactly what this means. Risk of sparkliness? Shinies beware? Pretty pretty ponies are going to get you? Bitter, second-place Olympic athletes are about to invade? What is the point of having a colour coded alert system that isn’t explained to the people you’re alerting?

Our esteemed mayor, on behalf of the council, has invited us all to a meeting to discuss the flooding. Of course, we’re flooded. How we are expected to get to said meeting is something of a mystery. Anyone who can attend doesn’t need to attend.

All the people playing in the sewage - you have been told by the council, you have been told by the radio, by the internet, by the TV, by everyone with a lick of common sense - STOP DOING IT.

All the people bitching that the Council should have been better prepared and why didn’t they have lots of anti-flood measures in place and on standby - hello? How often does it flood here? It’s like a Simpsons bear patrol! Sure, maybe we can see the need NOW since its apparently some of the new funky weather we can enjoy but extensive anti-flood measures would have been completely wasted for 39 of the last 40 years.

The lovely fire brigade men (who, it has to be said, made things worse by NOT wearing skimpy tight vests, not getting all wet and not being big, hunky men. Really, firemen who aren‘t buff sex gods? That‘s just WRONG) who are happily pumping out water from the street onto the nice hilly park... that is so saturated with water that it’s just flowing down the hills.... back into the street again.

The various powers that be have asked us to be restrained in putting more water down the drains - specifically no baths, washing machines or dishwashers. After all, the drains are struggling to take away what’s already there after all. So why oh why oh why, lady are you washing your freaking curtains?

The ever so esteemed mayor gave us a number for sandbags... except the people at the over end didn’t actually HAVE any. Their advice? Go to your local builder’s merchant with some old pillow cases. Ooookay, problem 1: I have NO clue where any builder’s merchant is. Damn it people, this is relatively wealthy neighbourhood of freaking pampered YUPPIES, none of us have ever had to put one brick on top of another, our idea of DIY is doing your own interior design; how should we know a builder’s merchant is? Problem 2: We are FLOODED IN. If we could jump in the car with old bed linens and bring back heavy sacks of sand then we wouldn’t NEED them.

The nice fire engine pumping out the water can be parked ANYWHERE. No, really, it can pull water out from anywhere in the street and it will take all the water. It’s not just going to take water away from one person’s house and leave Moses-like walls of water behind with a dry patch in between. Anyone bitching about this will be sent back to school to learn some elementary physics - or just shot for not learning what most of us learned before we even went to school.

I would despair of humanity, but it’s much more fun to laugh at it.

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logophilos.livejournal.com

The council, or possibly the environment agency, have told us we are on “silver alert.” Fine, but no-one has actually bothered to explain to us exactly what this means

Oh, that's easy. It means risk of Daleks :)

Really, firemen who aren‘t buff sex gods? That‘s just WRONG

Indeed. Sorry you are having insult piled upon injury.

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