The Sparky does his best to help his poor, afflicted clients

[sparkindarkness]

Some of my clients are having depressing problems with reality. I’ve come across this and ranted about this before, but clearly this is a severe problem that keeps relapsing and needs urgent treatment. Being the ever-so-charitable person I am, I am trying to cure them of this ailment.

Lesson one is place recognition.



See that large wooden thing I’m resting on? It’s not a desk, it’s a bar.

See the large glass full of rich amber liquid in my hand? That’s not a pen, that’s some happy alcohol.

See the nice lady behind the bar who is dutifully and wonderfully keeping said glass full? She is not the Mad Secretary (though don’t give her ideas) she is a barmaid. Or bar person if you prefer (she doesn‘t).

The woman behind us who is trying to shatter glass with her laugh? She is not a paralegal, she is a patron and hopefully going to pass out soon.

See the dim, slightly flickering, smoked glass lighting, ancient oak fixtures and tall stools? They’re not office furniture (unfortunately - curse thee Ikea makeover!) They’re bar furniture

See the numerous people milling around? They’re not office staff nor the empty privacy of my office. They are more bar patrons.

Now, put all this together dear client and you should conclude that we are in a Pub, not my office. Which begs the following questions:

1) Why are you even SPEAKING to me?
2) Why do you think I have ANY of the necessary paperwork with me to discuss your case?
3) Why do you think I would even begin to discuss your case?
4) Why shouldn’t I feed your internal organs to the Hounds for bothering me?

I’m still trying to decide whether the ethics/professional conduct rules allow me to say “bugger off, the lawyer’s drunk” when this happens.

Comments

[allthepettylies.livejournal.com]

I think you should totally say, "bugger off, the lawyer's drunk."

Rofl.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

See, i think it would be sensible AND succinct