The Sparky does his best to help his poor, afflicted clients

[sparkindarkness]

Some of my clients are having depressing problems with reality. I’ve come across this and ranted about this before, but clearly this is a severe problem that keeps relapsing and needs urgent treatment. Being the ever-so-charitable person I am, I am trying to cure them of this ailment.

Lesson one is place recognition.



See that large wooden thing I’m resting on? It’s not a desk, it’s a bar.

See the large glass full of rich amber liquid in my hand? That’s not a pen, that’s some happy alcohol.

See the nice lady behind the bar who is dutifully and wonderfully keeping said glass full? She is not the Mad Secretary (though don’t give her ideas) she is a barmaid. Or bar person if you prefer (she doesn‘t).

The woman behind us who is trying to shatter glass with her laugh? She is not a paralegal, she is a patron and hopefully going to pass out soon.

See the dim, slightly flickering, smoked glass lighting, ancient oak fixtures and tall stools? They’re not office furniture (unfortunately - curse thee Ikea makeover!) They’re bar furniture

See the numerous people milling around? They’re not office staff nor the empty privacy of my office. They are more bar patrons.

Now, put all this together dear client and you should conclude that we are in a Pub, not my office. Which begs the following questions:

1) Why are you even SPEAKING to me?
2) Why do you think I have ANY of the necessary paperwork with me to discuss your case?
3) Why do you think I would even begin to discuss your case?
4) Why shouldn’t I feed your internal organs to the Hounds for bothering me?

I’m still trying to decide whether the ethics/professional conduct rules allow me to say “bugger off, the lawyer’s drunk” when this happens.

Comments

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

Would having Beloved embrace you from behind and tell the pesky creatures "This one's MINE!" be satisfying?

I think you HAVE to.

[speaks.livejournal.com]

Never Litigate while under the influence.

[lalajia.livejournal.com]

I get students cornering me about things on the way to lunch at Uni too. Apparently we don't have lives of our own and we're never off duty - I don't remember seeing that in the job description?!

[phurie-dae.livejournal.com]

I suppose if the rules on telling them to bugger off are hazy, telling them that you can't publically discuss their defense for murdering that hooker - loudly - is right out?

[solid-squid.livejournal.com]

phurie_dae has a good point. Just ask if they want everyone in the bar to hear what it is they're going to court for and all the sordid details of the affair

Re: I think you HAVE to.

[touchstone.livejournal.com]

I think Speaks has the answer here.

Take a biiiiiiig long drink from your Alcohol of Choice, and then tell the client that you could lose your license if you were to give legal advice while drunk. Then, if they don't get the point, make the next a double.

[allthepettylies.livejournal.com]

I think you should totally say, "bugger off, the lawyer's drunk."

Rofl.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Extremely satisfying

It may even be sueful as well

Re: I think you HAVE to.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Aye, you'd think it would be common sense wouldn;t you?

Re: I think you HAVE to.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

"I'm too drunk to work"

"no you're not"

*drinks* "You're right, I'm not! Make that a double!"

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

we are avatars of our jobs!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Now, see, it should be BUT I tend to take the view that it is my duty to protect his privacy - NOT my duty to stop him blowing it

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

And if they continue, do I get to use the mega-phone?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

See, i think it would be sensible AND succinct

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

Sueful? Dammit, nobody gets to have ANY fun ::pouts::

Or useful?