And in the political comic relief

[sparkindarkness]

Conference season is pretty much done and all was much of a muchness but the Tory conference wins the prize.

Prize for most interesting? No. Prize for most amusement? No. Prize for restoring my faith in the political process? Ye gods no!

Nope, the prize for rueful amusement.

See, never have so many spoke for so long and managed to say NOTHING. I mean, can anyone point out one single Tory policy for me? I've looked and I've looked but there's nothing there! Oh, there's endless good feeling and fluffiness "pollution is bad! Crime is wrong! Health is good!" but it's all as shallow as the smile on a runner up at a beauty pageant and as fake as her breasts.

Seriously - they managed to talk for several days solidly and said NOTHING. Not ONE policy. Not ONE proposal. Not ONE plan. Not one word that didn't just say the bloody obvious in the vaguest possible terms.


And do you know what's even more amusing? Even without saying a single thing of value they STILL managed to squabble among themselves like a lot of petulent children. What is the collective noun for Conservatives, anyway? A Betrayal of Tories? A Backstab of Tories? An Argument of Tories? They start by spending days wrangling over tax cuts (repeating it more like a religious mantra) without any attempt to present a balanced budget (which killed Howard - that and the overt racism) fighting like mad and they end with Boris Johnson (and am I the only one who thinks someone pays him vast sums of money to say very silly things in public? It's like the political version of Jackass) who manages to stick the knife in over school dinners of all things.

Of course, all this is matched by the sheer humour of David Cameron stood there with his cheesy grin saying "we're all nice and fluffy now. We're not evil any more. Yes, we're nice. Look at all the nice things we want. Yes, we're friendly and wonderful - you can trust us." While behind him his whole party is stilll hissing, hiding from the sunlight and snarling "tax cuts! Business pork! POLL TAX! Crush the NHS! MUAHAHA, THE POOR WILL STARVE AND WE WILL EAT THEIR CHILDREN'S SOULS!!!" It makes the ex-Iraqi information minister look almost plausible! Mind you, he had an easier job.

Comments

[harald387.livejournal.com]

A Torture of Conservatives.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

of them or us?

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

As a former Bostonian, I prefer A Tea Party of Conservatives. XD

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

hmmm, possible, but I wouldn't quite accuse them of treason :)

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

Hmm. How about of taxation without representation?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Can't I accuse all politicians of that? I'm taxed but I've certainly never been represented

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

Yes, but it's an awful lot of work to accuse all politicians. Perhaps just single out the ones you dislike the most.

[jrho.livejournal.com]

Here is a list of terms for groups of various types of animals. I like an obstinacy of buffalo, a cowardice of curs, an implausibility of gnus, a parliament of owls, an ostentation of peacocks, an unkindness of ravens, a mutation of thrushes, a confusion of weasels.

And here is a list of joke group names such as a chaos of politicians.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

heee, I want a Chaos of politicians

[kitsuken.livejournal.com]

Wasn't there some comments about muslim women no longer being permitted to wear their veils too? I'm sure I heard some people behind me on the bus talking about that (one of whom seemed to be the main one in agreement, using phrases such as "When in Rome", "It seems threatening to me" and the popular favourite "I'm not racist, but...")

[kitsuken.livejournal.com]

Oh, and they had a big discussion about how they shouldn't be permitted to build their own Mosques and Schools to fit their faith better (hello catholic schools, you don't exist :D)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Bah, the majority of the people in the UK are non-religious - I personally think all schools (certainly public ones) should throw religion out the back door - leave that for Sunday school for those that want it

But yeah, we've had religious schools of all stripes for years, why are the Muslim ones the worry?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

There were comments about the veil - but Straw also made a fair few on the Labour side.

I laugh at it - sure some women are pressured into wearing the veil who don't want to but many wear it as a matter of choice - "when in rome" aside, I never realised there was a dress code to live here

[jrho.livejournal.com]

"When in Rome" is really just a way to express a secret longing to return to wearing togas and having blood sacrifices to multiple gods.

[only-playing.livejournal.com]

And what is wrong with that? 0_0

[seryan.livejournal.com]

You forgot to mention the orgies. :P

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Sounds like fun! :)

*grabs toga*

*prepares vomitarium*

*organises orgy*

Ok, prepare the sacrifice!

[enigmatism75.livejournal.com]

The story about the veil is that Jack Straw said that when Muslim women came to his constiuency clincs for advice etc from him, he'd prefer that they uncovered their faces because he found it hard to build up a relationship with a person whose face he can't see. He mentioned that he just asked the women if they'd be comfortable removing their veil and he had another female present at all times and if they refused that was the end of the story.
Of course there was a huge outcry from the PC brigade and parts of the Muslim community and it suddenly became Jack Straw demands all women uncover their faces the nano-second they set foot on our shores.

[being-here.livejournal.com]

the bloody obvious in the vaguest possible terms

Ah yes. The political centre ground defined in one easy sentence.

*curses*

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Isn't it just? Murmuring meaningless sweet nothings is for the bedroom, not for the political pulpit

[being-here.livejournal.com]

even though you'll end up fucked in both..

/cynicism

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

And one is faaar more enjoyable than the other

[being-here.livejournal.com]

Unless you're a spin doctor

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah, if you're deeply and horrendously perverted like that it goes without saying :)

[being-here.livejournal.com]

You know, most perversions don't bother me at all but I may just have found out where I draw my line in the sand...

[rampagingturtle.livejournal.com]

Many years ago there was a Congressional Christmas party of epic proportions. A glorious Christmas tree filled the rotunda. Carolers strolled the halls singing their tidings of holiday joy. Every railing in the building was festooned with garlands of red or green, or silver or gold. Mistletoe hung from every doorway. And the spirits flowed. Oh my, did the spirits flow. The Capitol was awash in eggnogg, champagne, rum punch, warm brandy, and as many other combinations of alcohol as the human race has ever conceived. It was in this moment of drunken goodwill that the Democratic party and the Republican party spied each other from across the room, and saw beauty where previously they had only seen bitter rivalry. Warm embraces of goodwill became smoldering glances, then furtive groping. By midnight the two parties were exploring newfound common ground in a third floor supply closet.

The year drew to a close, and the Democratic and Republican parties recovered from their holiday cheer and their hangovers. A tense awkwardness permeated Congress. Within weeks muffled whispers could be heard remarking on the Democratic Party's recent tendancy to make repeated, urgent trips to the restroom, particularly in the mornings. As the months progressed the Party began to swell around the midsection. At the summer recess it was announced that she would be taking a "fact-finding" tour through Europe.

Congress once again reconvened, and the swelling of The Democratic party's midsection had gone away. No one ever spoke openly of it, but if you got just the right page just drunk enough, you might just hear tell of The misbegotten offspring of the two parties. Born with both the Republican's heartlessness and greed, and the Democrat's spinelessness and cluelessness, the child was left on the steps of an English orphanage.

If the stories are to believed, the child was named Tory.



It's the only explanation I can come up with for that much dysfunction manifesting in one political organization. Just blame it on us Yanks.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*shudder* what a horrible horrible thought

I think the Tories main problem is they're trying to do what New Labour did- they realise that their past is dragging them down - that too many people have BAAAAD memories of when they were in power. So they have to divorce themselves from their past, try to reinvent themselves and have a complete make over so they can say "no, we're not like those nasty OLD Tories. We're new and improved and nice now."

That's what Cameron is trying to do (hence all the fluffy soundbites). The problem is that there are a lot of those nasty old Tories around still who aren't willing to get with the programme.

[rampagingturtle.livejournal.com]

Just hope that the Tories don't ask the Republicans for advice on reinventing themselves. You'll suddenly find yourself taking a crash course in Newspeak if they do.