Birthday Angst!

[sparkindarkness]

It happens to me every year and my colleagues have all banned me from birthday angst whines - they say that having a 24 year old whine about their age makes them all feel ancient.

But the angst will win out. Argh, I'm 25 tomorrow. 25. Twenty-five.

I am soooo not ready to be 25. I just aren't, not in any way shape or form. My brain is still stuck on "20-ish". 25 is all adult. I'm not adult. I just can't mentally picture myself AS an adult. I even have slips of the tongue and say silly things like "when I grow up..." y'know, how you do as kids when planning the future? I can't get my head rounmd the fact that I AM grown up, I AM adult with all the adulty stuff that goes with.

My mind is just stuck on "child." Or maybe "teenager." Even down to having the impression that nothing matters - you know, that teen impression that nothing's forever? How the job/studies you're doing and your relationship you're in are just temporary until you move on? I've only just managed to pull out of that in my personal life, but it's still shaky in my professional life.

Bah, I am 25 years old (even writing that makes me cringe), but my mind hasn't kept up - I need to stop aging for a couple of years so my brain to catch up with me. In 5 years I will be 30 (ARGH! *scream* *scream* *panic*) will i still be stuck on teenager?

I hate birthdays. I'm never ready for them

Comments

[elrohana.livejournal.com]

Sparky hun, I'm 40. Will be 41 in January. I spent my weekend in the pissing rain on a campsite, running round the woods dressed and face-painted (complete with pointy ears) as a woodland fey, hitting other people with and being hit by latex weapons, pretending I lived in a world where magic and monsters are real. My last relationship started while you were still in short trousers. My current one started while you were still a student. You think I'M a grown-up? You're only a grown-up if you let yourself be, love.

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

Mmm. I do that too although I'm a bit younger than you are.

However, I do continue to say "when I grow up" as if it means something.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

heee, so we can be immature and unselfconscious our whole lives :) great, I'm signing up for that

it's not so much that I'm grown up as that I'm NOT grown up and feel that I need to be.

[elrohana.livejournal.com]

Pshaw! Leave the growing up to them as wants it and stick to being Peter Pan. Works for me.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I will now find a Captain hook to molest!

[pbrim.livejournal.com]

Remember -- you have to grow older, but you don't have to grow up. I'll be 51 this year and I still refuse to grow up.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

A very very very good idea :)