Birthday Angst!

[sparkindarkness]

It happens to me every year and my colleagues have all banned me from birthday angst whines - they say that having a 24 year old whine about their age makes them all feel ancient.

But the angst will win out. Argh, I'm 25 tomorrow. 25. Twenty-five.

I am soooo not ready to be 25. I just aren't, not in any way shape or form. My brain is still stuck on "20-ish". 25 is all adult. I'm not adult. I just can't mentally picture myself AS an adult. I even have slips of the tongue and say silly things like "when I grow up..." y'know, how you do as kids when planning the future? I can't get my head rounmd the fact that I AM grown up, I AM adult with all the adulty stuff that goes with.

My mind is just stuck on "child." Or maybe "teenager." Even down to having the impression that nothing matters - you know, that teen impression that nothing's forever? How the job/studies you're doing and your relationship you're in are just temporary until you move on? I've only just managed to pull out of that in my personal life, but it's still shaky in my professional life.

Bah, I am 25 years old (even writing that makes me cringe), but my mind hasn't kept up - I need to stop aging for a couple of years so my brain to catch up with me. In 5 years I will be 30 (ARGH! *scream* *scream* *panic*) will i still be stuck on teenager?

I hate birthdays. I'm never ready for them

Comments

[being-here.livejournal.com]

Heh. The reason your job feels temporary is because you should be looking for something better *stares*

Sorry about the angst. Hated my 20s. Much happer when I hit 30. 31 is best year yet so there's hope for you.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

hey, I like this job. And I'm always looking for something better. Kinda. In between lazing around in my comfy rut. *pets rut*

[elrohana.livejournal.com]

Sparky hun, I'm 40. Will be 41 in January. I spent my weekend in the pissing rain on a campsite, running round the woods dressed and face-painted (complete with pointy ears) as a woodland fey, hitting other people with and being hit by latex weapons, pretending I lived in a world where magic and monsters are real. My last relationship started while you were still in short trousers. My current one started while you were still a student. You think I'M a grown-up? You're only a grown-up if you let yourself be, love.

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

Mmm. I do that too although I'm a bit younger than you are.

However, I do continue to say "when I grow up" as if it means something.

[jrho.livejournal.com]

Being a year old is a heck of a lot better than the alternative. Happy Birthday!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

LOL, that's the truth! Thanks

[harald387.livejournal.com]

Ah, youth.

Happy birthday.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thanks :)

Ypou don't get to snark at my youth while I'm worrying about my age :p

[ephemera.livejournal.com]

Lord, I've been 30 for 6months, and my brain's still stuck on "20-ish"... the avaliable evidence from my older friends suggests that this doesn't really go away. Having kids may affect things, but I don't plan on ever trying that out ....

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

It does affect things. It really adds to the whole "omigod I'm gonna screw up" factor.

I'm 34. Some days I'm still mentally stuck at 16-oh-god-help-whimper. Maybe most days. Grown up means faking it, near as I can tell. But then, I was born old.

Happy Thirteenth Birthday, Sparky ;)

[touchstone.livejournal.com]

The good news is that from this point on, you don't get any older!

...at least, if you take the approach of some friends of ours here, and begin celebrating the 'anniversary of your 26th birthday' :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

lol, I am now IMMMMMMORTAL! MUAHAHAHA!

[girl-working.livejournal.com]

Spark, you always struck me as 30+ anyway *hides* You're mature, a lawyer (insert instant aged-ness) and generally come across as older than me. You're younger than my husband ffs... And only a year older than me!

I suddenly have inferiority complex... I need a better job, more skills, wahhh...

And I'm still trying to reconcile the 23-and-married thing, so... And I'm in now way Growed Up yet...

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

hey, there is some maturity in me (it must be cowering and hiding in a corner) if I can pass myself off as 30s!

*pokes inferiority complex* I think it's the plague of the decade, people thinking there's so much you have to do and so much you have to be at a young age that none of us can measure up

[vistillia.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I turn 25 this coming december. I understand EXACTLY how you feel.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

yep, I mean every year is like this, but 25 is a huge milestone, it's halfway through the 20s. We'rte supposed to be utterly adult by now

[only-playing.livejournal.com]

Wait, hold the phone...You are only 25, yet a lawyer, in control of the Hounds, AND you have the terrific guy with handcuffs???? and how is this fair? Oh, well, I got a year and a half to live up to your example.

[only-playing.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, and a most wonderful birthday to you...

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

*snicker* actually i kinda dig being 32. i still get to act like the 19 yr old everyone keeps mistaking me for, and i can ALSO scare the stupid kids off my lawn, if i need to. it's all good. ;)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

See i owuld be happy about aging if I could traumatise little kiddies.

Whyc an't I traumatise kiddies *sulk*

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

...wait, you're younger than I am? (By all of a month and a half, but still!) Now I feel terribly unaccomplished.

If it's any comfort, though, my father at 60 is still talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. (An astronaut, apparently. He claims the letter from NASA will arrive in the mail aaaaany day now.)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

LOL, I want to be like your father!

[sabine791110.livejournal.com]

I'm almost 27 and I routinely use the phrase "When I grow up". Of course, it's at about the same frequency and in the same places as "One day, when I'm rich", so I'm guessing it's just about as likely to happen.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a coworker who needs killing. It's too damn early in the morning for him to be standing in the hallway and talking on his phone in his "outside voice". He needs to either go in his office, shut the door, and stop with the hyena laughter or get used to the idea of removing his phone from various orifices.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I think we should all avoid growing up. Growing up is just no fun

Oh dear, please make sure he dies painfully

Harumph

[(Anonymous)]

I was 25 when I passed the Bar. Six months later I was 26.

Your fear of turning 30 does not move me to pity.

As one over a decade beyond you I say: SUCK IT UP!

Kids these days, always trapsing on my lawn!

Bleah

[speaks.livejournal.com]

The above was me. Not surehow I got logged out.

Not one to hide behind anonymity

[geenerswh.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday anyway!
(From someone who turns 25 in January and also routinely dresses up funny and runs around the woods beating people with sticks)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank ee

We all need some quality stick hitting times. Yes, yes we do

[judithiscariot.livejournal.com]

At 30, I keep wondering when I'm going to hit "adult" myself.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

We shall conspire to remain forever young!

[wenhaver.livejournal.com]

When I turned 25, I called in to work and sat around all day in my jammies eating ice cream and watching cheesy 80s teen movies.

I turn 30 in exactly 3 months. I have 2 kids. I have car payments and dogs to walk. But when I get sick or have a bad day, I'm on the phone to my mommy so fast you wouldn't believe it.

I agree with what some other people have said. I think that being an adult is all about faking it. Turning 30? Ugh. If you need me on January 3, I'll be curled up with a carton of Ben & Jerrys while playing video games in my underwear.

Happy birthday!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Yep, everyone's a lot more childish than they seem,. they're just good at pretending they aren't.

I should ahve taken the day off but the GUILT wouldn't have let me.

[stormcat.livejournal.com]

It doesn't get any better. :P I'm six years older than you are and expecting a child and I've only just recently figured out what I want to do if I grow up.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

LOL, I ahve a few years yet befor I can consider myself ludicrously procrastinating

[allthepettylies.livejournal.com]

Happy birthday dear.

<3

I know the whole. OMG I AM LEGALLY CONSIDERED AN ADULT feeling.

I still can't get over my own age, nd I haven't even made it out of the teen's yet!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Yeah, you just look at the numbers and think "nah, that's not me. Not really."

[baranduyn.livejournal.com]

Bah, I am 25 years old (even writing that makes me cringe), but my mind hasn't kept up - I need to stop aging for a couple of years so my brain to catch up with me. In 5 years I will be 30 (ARGH! *scream* *scream* *panic*) will i still be stuck on teenager?

I will be fifty years old later this month. I can't believe it.

So...with some people the mind recognizing the age thing **shifty eyes** NEVER HAPPENS. Really. I still talk to animals, I still dance to music wherever I happen to be and I still expect people to up and start behaving like real people.

Now I'm going to go listen to Iron Maiden. **gathers tatters of dignity about her and leaves**

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Dignity is for the extremely old inside. We who are still babes in the head get to screw dignity and have fun instead :)

[the-yellow-king.livejournal.com]

I completely understand and sympathize. I am 29, in the midst of a career change, and undergoing a crisis like nobody's business. I'm smart enough not to go for a Ferrarri, but her ladyship is now insisting that, yes, Virginia, I need a mistress. 20 years old. Now.

Or she'll go and find me one herself and make me. 0.o

Heaven save me from progressive wives.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

LOL, I can picture that soooo terribly. "have you got a mistress yet? No? Why do I have to do everything round here?"

[thisdaydreamer.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

I'm 33.

Happy Birthday, kid.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thanks...


kid? Aie, now I feel youn g and irresponsible

[jocelyncs.livejournal.com]

Oh, for Pete's sake, Sparky, you're almost a year younger than me! As a lawyer, under 25 it's darn near impossible to get people to take you seriously (or maybe that's only true for female lawyers--I'll be relieved when I hit 30!)

Happy Birthday, and stop angsting. You've accomplished more in your life than most 25 year olds can boast, what with the legal career and all. (And didn't you and Beloved get married?)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Yep, i have absolutely no right to bitch about my age :) Mad Secretary has promised I won't see 26 if I keep whining :)

Yeah, no-one takes lawyers in their 20s seriously

Thanks, yes I suppose I've got a lot sorted out, it just doesn't FEEL like I have, y'know? Great job, great hubby (yep, all wed, though we did it very spontaneously. i don't think I even LJ-ed it)... it just all feels kind of like an act, y'know? Like it's not real yet, or temporary, or something I'm playing with. Damn silly brain :)

[gnarlycranium.livejournal.com]

Hey, at least you've actually gone to school and have a decent job, not to mention a relationship. You're not, say, a completely flat broke dropout stranded in southern california wondering what happened to 18.