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sparkindarknessThere are people in the world who assume that just because they want something they should automatically get it.
And most of these people are under 4’ tall and less than five years old. And their loud and sulky demands should be met by swift parenting firmly saying, as my mother used to say “’I want’ never gets.” Or at least explaining that sometimes we are disappointed in life and we need to suck it up and deal with it. (Tasering if necessary should child sulk or throw a tantrum).
So, oh dear client, why didn’t your parents teach you this most vital of lessons? You want something. Fine, we all have wants. I want to be hailed supreme dictator of the world and have my every whim catered to by a harem of beautiful men. We all have dreams.
However, I have resigned myself to the fact that the world is not yet ready for my divine leadership and endure this disappointment. You, oh client, seem to think that merely repeating your wish will make it magically appear. Unless your wish was to be mauled by hounds, this isn’t so.
Client 1 – M. M wants a work permit and visa filling out for a new employee. M has only just shifted his considerable buttock cheeks recently to actually gather all the paperwork he wants. He has now decided he wants the work permit in “2 weeks top.”
.
Let me review that for all of our edification: He wants me to go through all of his (incomplete) paperwork, fill in all the applications send them off and somehow make the Home Office efficiently and quickly (oh, how we laugh) approve them all and send all the necessary paperwork back. In two weeks. Yes, my being hailed as supreme dictator is more likely.
His response? “I need it in 2 weeks!” Repeated over and over again. Really? Well, I never REALISED that! See you only said this was the documentation to employ an extremely important and vital staff member. I never realised you NEEDED this. That’s a whole new matter, let me get my magic wand and make the impossible happen for you! Oh wait, I’m all out of wands. Guess we will have to rely on haddocks instead.
It’s impossible. It cannot be done. I cannot do it. No-one can do it. It doesn’t matter how much you need it or how much you want it or how important it is – if it can’t be done it can’t be done. The government, legal system and, indeed, entire world cares even less than I do about the difficulties this will cause you. Most people learn this as small children, the fact you are a spoilt brat is not my problem. Make it my problem and I will make a point of making it the Hound’s problem.
Client 2: D. D is due in court for his role in a Regrettable Incident. D has known of his court date for some time now (judges are ancient, fossilised creatures from the dawn of time that do not hurry themselves). The court date is a little over a week away.
D wants to move his court date. Why, I wonder? New evidence arising? A tragic death in the family? Coastal Erosion dumped your house into the North Sea? Just found out your grandmother is actually an international drug dealer and is wanted by Interpol and she’s currently barricaded in her Council House with a wooly shawl and an AK47?
No. It’s his birthday. He doesn’t want to go to court on his birthday. He wants me to adjourn the court date until he has blown out the candles and had his cake. No. Really not going to happen. A severe haddocking for even thinking it let alone suggesting it. You don’t get to move a court date because you WANT it to be moved. I am not even going to let you repeat your request over and over – the first repetition? HOUNDS!
There will be no second repetition.
I do not understand these people who are positively outraged that the world doesn’t go exactly their way. I don’t know whether to hate them or pity them. To save me from this dilemma I think will just feed them to the Hounds and have done with it.
And most of these people are under 4’ tall and less than five years old. And their loud and sulky demands should be met by swift parenting firmly saying, as my mother used to say “’I want’ never gets.” Or at least explaining that sometimes we are disappointed in life and we need to suck it up and deal with it. (Tasering if necessary should child sulk or throw a tantrum).
So, oh dear client, why didn’t your parents teach you this most vital of lessons? You want something. Fine, we all have wants. I want to be hailed supreme dictator of the world and have my every whim catered to by a harem of beautiful men. We all have dreams.
However, I have resigned myself to the fact that the world is not yet ready for my divine leadership and endure this disappointment. You, oh client, seem to think that merely repeating your wish will make it magically appear. Unless your wish was to be mauled by hounds, this isn’t so.
Client 1 – M. M wants a work permit and visa filling out for a new employee. M has only just shifted his considerable buttock cheeks recently to actually gather all the paperwork he wants. He has now decided he wants the work permit in “2 weeks top.”
.
Let me review that for all of our edification: He wants me to go through all of his (incomplete) paperwork, fill in all the applications send them off and somehow make the Home Office efficiently and quickly (oh, how we laugh) approve them all and send all the necessary paperwork back. In two weeks. Yes, my being hailed as supreme dictator is more likely.
His response? “I need it in 2 weeks!” Repeated over and over again. Really? Well, I never REALISED that! See you only said this was the documentation to employ an extremely important and vital staff member. I never realised you NEEDED this. That’s a whole new matter, let me get my magic wand and make the impossible happen for you! Oh wait, I’m all out of wands. Guess we will have to rely on haddocks instead.
It’s impossible. It cannot be done. I cannot do it. No-one can do it. It doesn’t matter how much you need it or how much you want it or how important it is – if it can’t be done it can’t be done. The government, legal system and, indeed, entire world cares even less than I do about the difficulties this will cause you. Most people learn this as small children, the fact you are a spoilt brat is not my problem. Make it my problem and I will make a point of making it the Hound’s problem.
Client 2: D. D is due in court for his role in a Regrettable Incident. D has known of his court date for some time now (judges are ancient, fossilised creatures from the dawn of time that do not hurry themselves). The court date is a little over a week away.
D wants to move his court date. Why, I wonder? New evidence arising? A tragic death in the family? Coastal Erosion dumped your house into the North Sea? Just found out your grandmother is actually an international drug dealer and is wanted by Interpol and she’s currently barricaded in her Council House with a wooly shawl and an AK47?
No. It’s his birthday. He doesn’t want to go to court on his birthday. He wants me to adjourn the court date until he has blown out the candles and had his cake. No. Really not going to happen. A severe haddocking for even thinking it let alone suggesting it. You don’t get to move a court date because you WANT it to be moved. I am not even going to let you repeat your request over and over – the first repetition? HOUNDS!
There will be no second repetition.
I do not understand these people who are positively outraged that the world doesn’t go exactly their way. I don’t know whether to hate them or pity them. To save me from this dilemma I think will just feed them to the Hounds and have done with it.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-08-15 08:58 pm (UTC)but it may be stoo subtle for them. I think i will just use
THE HADDOCK!