The stupid! It BURNSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
Jun. 30th, 2006 01:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessAlas again I am forced to admit that I cannot work miracles. It saddens me so much to disappoint the worshipful masses who daily besiege our office with their please, cries and bitchings but miracle working is as beyond me as basic logic is beyond them.
Alas it was with great regret that I had to disappoint my newest penitent Mr. C who came to me with his plea. On the telephone he described a disputed traffic offence (this is where Sparky yawns and tries to escape, but alas, to no avail). His license rides on this offence that is “complicated” and he needs to explain in person. Fair enough, it’s his money.
He arrives at my office with a brief case. Normal people would assume that this means he is efficient, ogranised and business like.
I assume this means he’s trying to hide a wad of cash, a weapon, a bomb or possibly all fo the world’s evils. Why? Because I know my clients
So he sits down and opensPandora’s box his briefcase and pulls out a sheaf of papers. For a brief moment my heart soars – he is a professional business person with great organisational skills.
And then I see the papers. They are tickets. Speeding tickets and parking tickets. Oodles of them. A full Redwood has gasped its last to produce these citations along with photographic evidence. Oh dear. The world “complicated” is now being replaced in my mine with “nutso psycho insane”.
Me: *after perusing the tickets* So how can I help you with these Mr. C?
C: I have these parking and speeding tickets.
Me: *nod, smile, please continue gesture*
C: *looks confused* I have these tickets…
Me: wondering if he is secretly transmitting information in ultrasonic so actually believes he has explained himself And what would you like me to do with these tickets? direct him to a good loan shark or recycling centre?
C: *aghast* Stop them of course!
Me: *lost now* You mean, stop you getting any more?
C: NO! Stop these! Get rid of them.
Me: wonders if Harry Potter covers special chants for fixing parking tickets You want me to challenge them?
C: yes! They’re ridiculous! It’s harassment!
Me: Are they false? Were you not parked illegally or speeding?
C: It’s harassment! Look at these parking tickets! The same time every day!
Me: hmmm, that would be because you parked on the same double yellow lines every day at the same time and the traffic warden has a regular route Were you not illegally parked? *looks at photograph that shows clearly that he WAS*
C: And these speeding tickets! Always when I’m on X road and Y road!
Me: Well DUH that’s where the fixed speed cameras area. Here’s a novel idea – SLOW DOWN Were you actually speeding?
C: Look at them all! It’s some kind of campaign against me!
Me: because the local authority has met in a dingy back room and deliberately plotted to place fixed speed cameras just to target you Mr. C! I have to know whether or not these alleged offenses are accurate!
C: Why does that matter?!
Me: a little stunned. It’s like saying “what does it matter if I stabbed her or not?” It will be very difficult to challenge a ticket if you don’t tell me if it is accurate or not.
C: The point is there’s so many of them. It’s harassment!
Me: Mr. C, a static, unmanned speed camera cannot harass you. It will be impossible to argue that.
C: And these parking tickets! That’s a wasp, that is!
Me: Yes, that will be a traffic warden, Mr. C. But they do usually patrol the same routes every day – if you are parked illegally every day at the same time they will catch you at the same time every day.
C; It’s harassment!
Me: It’s blithering stupidity I don’t think a challenge will be successful on that basis. You can’t challenge speeding tickets on the grounds that you have been caught speeding too many times.
C: But look how many times!
Me: Well yes, but you were caught that many times because you WERE actually speeding that many times, right?
C: *mumble mumble harassment mumble* right…
Me: It’s like a serial killer complaining that they’ve found too many of his victimsI can’t challenge a speeding ticket when you actually admit that you were speeding.
C: *angry wail* But they got me so many times!
Me: I applaud their efficiency. I can hardly challenge these tickets on the grounds that the police are too good at their job.
C: *glare* but if they’re deliberately targeting me…
Me: Then you would have a case. But these are stationery, unmanned speed cameras. They aren’t following you. They don’t look out for your specifically. They don’t stalk you, make up lies about you or otherwise persecute you. They are machines.
C: So you won’t challenge them for me?
Me: *sigh* if you insist, Mr. C, I will. However I can tell you now that the challenge will fail and you will still have to pay the tickets, still lose your license and have to pay court and legal fees as well. in retrospect this might have been a good idea – all hail the stupid tax
C: *huffs* Well if you won’t help me, I’ll find someone who will *storms out*. Who? God? Because unless you have a deity on speed dial, no-one’s going to be able to help
Yes, because the fact that you’re a bloody idiot who speeded past the SAME BRIGHT YELLOW SPEED CAMERA every day for several months is going to change with another lawyer if you take it to another lawyer. Hey, you never know, he may find a lawyer who believes that computers are taking over the Earth and have decided their first target needs to be impatient corner shop owners – but I doubt very much he’ll find a court that agrees.
Oh and end note: he parked right outside our front door. According to Mad Secretary, he has got a parking ticket for it. Heeee, sometimes you don’t need Hounds, Karma steps in for you.
Alas it was with great regret that I had to disappoint my newest penitent Mr. C who came to me with his plea. On the telephone he described a disputed traffic offence (this is where Sparky yawns and tries to escape, but alas, to no avail). His license rides on this offence that is “complicated” and he needs to explain in person. Fair enough, it’s his money.
He arrives at my office with a brief case. Normal people would assume that this means he is efficient, ogranised and business like.
I assume this means he’s trying to hide a wad of cash, a weapon, a bomb or possibly all fo the world’s evils. Why? Because I know my clients
So he sits down and opens
And then I see the papers. They are tickets. Speeding tickets and parking tickets. Oodles of them. A full Redwood has gasped its last to produce these citations along with photographic evidence. Oh dear. The world “complicated” is now being replaced in my mine with “nutso psycho insane”.
Me: *after perusing the tickets* So how can I help you with these Mr. C?
C: I have these parking and speeding tickets.
Me: *nod, smile, please continue gesture*
C: *looks confused* I have these tickets…
Me: wondering if he is secretly transmitting information in ultrasonic so actually believes he has explained himself And what would you like me to do with these tickets? direct him to a good loan shark or recycling centre?
C: *aghast* Stop them of course!
Me: *lost now* You mean, stop you getting any more?
C: NO! Stop these! Get rid of them.
Me: wonders if Harry Potter covers special chants for fixing parking tickets You want me to challenge them?
C: yes! They’re ridiculous! It’s harassment!
Me: Are they false? Were you not parked illegally or speeding?
C: It’s harassment! Look at these parking tickets! The same time every day!
Me: hmmm, that would be because you parked on the same double yellow lines every day at the same time and the traffic warden has a regular route Were you not illegally parked? *looks at photograph that shows clearly that he WAS*
C: And these speeding tickets! Always when I’m on X road and Y road!
Me: Well DUH that’s where the fixed speed cameras area. Here’s a novel idea – SLOW DOWN Were you actually speeding?
C: Look at them all! It’s some kind of campaign against me!
Me: because the local authority has met in a dingy back room and deliberately plotted to place fixed speed cameras just to target you Mr. C! I have to know whether or not these alleged offenses are accurate!
C: Why does that matter?!
Me: a little stunned. It’s like saying “what does it matter if I stabbed her or not?” It will be very difficult to challenge a ticket if you don’t tell me if it is accurate or not.
C: The point is there’s so many of them. It’s harassment!
Me: Mr. C, a static, unmanned speed camera cannot harass you. It will be impossible to argue that.
C: And these parking tickets! That’s a wasp, that is!
Me: Yes, that will be a traffic warden, Mr. C. But they do usually patrol the same routes every day – if you are parked illegally every day at the same time they will catch you at the same time every day.
C; It’s harassment!
Me: It’s blithering stupidity I don’t think a challenge will be successful on that basis. You can’t challenge speeding tickets on the grounds that you have been caught speeding too many times.
C: But look how many times!
Me: Well yes, but you were caught that many times because you WERE actually speeding that many times, right?
C: *mumble mumble harassment mumble* right…
Me: It’s like a serial killer complaining that they’ve found too many of his victimsI can’t challenge a speeding ticket when you actually admit that you were speeding.
C: *angry wail* But they got me so many times!
Me: I applaud their efficiency. I can hardly challenge these tickets on the grounds that the police are too good at their job.
C: *glare* but if they’re deliberately targeting me…
Me: Then you would have a case. But these are stationery, unmanned speed cameras. They aren’t following you. They don’t look out for your specifically. They don’t stalk you, make up lies about you or otherwise persecute you. They are machines.
C: So you won’t challenge them for me?
Me: *sigh* if you insist, Mr. C, I will. However I can tell you now that the challenge will fail and you will still have to pay the tickets, still lose your license and have to pay court and legal fees as well. in retrospect this might have been a good idea – all hail the stupid tax
C: *huffs* Well if you won’t help me, I’ll find someone who will *storms out*. Who? God? Because unless you have a deity on speed dial, no-one’s going to be able to help
Yes, because the fact that you’re a bloody idiot who speeded past the SAME BRIGHT YELLOW SPEED CAMERA every day for several months is going to change with another lawyer if you take it to another lawyer. Hey, you never know, he may find a lawyer who believes that computers are taking over the Earth and have decided their first target needs to be impatient corner shop owners – but I doubt very much he’ll find a court that agrees.
Oh and end note: he parked right outside our front door. According to Mad Secretary, he has got a parking ticket for it. Heeee, sometimes you don’t need Hounds, Karma steps in for you.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-30 01:03 pm (UTC)/being pedantic
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-30 01:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-30 01:19 pm (UTC)