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sparkindarknessA case from a few months back that comes to mind because the client in question has finally gone home.
A colleague in the business team calls me and asks me to hurry and help one of her clients who is having problems with the police at an airport and is insisting on getting him to help (he called me to come with because he isn’t a criminal lawyer or an immigration lawyer and thinks he’s going to be out of his depth – yes, the guy does pay well). Apparently this guy wants a “lawyer he’s paid for.” Somewhat bemused, I make the long haul to the airport and track down our erstwhile client (hereby known as EC).
EC is an American gentleman. He seems to be having some cultural difficulties adapting to the UK. Most people understand that things change and try to learn. Others, it seems, simply explode and crank up the volume.
It seems he has arrived and been detained because he has some ammunition in his suitcase – just a few loose bullets at the bottom of his case (how he got on a plane with them bemuses me surely security would have stopped him getting on a plane with ammunition?) Ok, stuff like this apparently happens a lot (or so say the airport security folks). People carry scraps of things that are illegal in this country but legal in their country of origin. If they’re clearly not smuggling, security’s normally pretty willing to confiscate and let you go on your way after informing you that it’s naughty and you’re not to do it here (especially on flights from Amsterdam).
That would probably have happened in this case and I wouldn’t have had to waste my time dragging myself to see EC if it weren’t for the fact that EC was one giant balloon of righteous indignation. Most of this included screeching his constitutional rights (I kid you not. He tried to demand his second amendment rights. I think I lost several minutes just frozen in shock) to everyone who would listen (even when we got him into a private room to discuss things there was little point as I’m sure his every bellow could be heard 3 counties over). My colleague is giving me the “oh my god, I am SO sorry I have inflicted him on you, please don’t kill me for this” look while I am giving him the “death is too good for you” look. The Hounds, alas, are stuck in quarantine.
There then follows a painful period of informing him that, no, the American constitution doesn’t actually apply in the UK. No, really, it doesn’t. Shocking isn’t it? No, we have different gun laws over here. You do not have the right to carry guns or any other kind of weapon (except haddock when truly exasperated) – and I personally am insanely glad that EC isn’t allowed to get his sweaty hands on any kind of weapon while sharing the same country as my good self. No, we don’t actually WANT to change the laws. He bitched about how it should be in the British constitution (heh, because we don’t actually have a written Constitution. One of only 2 countries in the whole world that don’t, I think – yes, that went down well). Then I told him he could face up to 5 years in prison just for carrying those bullets in the UK (which resulted in more towering rage and threats ranging from the unspecified to America apparently invading should we even ‘dare’ to arrest him).
In the end he was convinced to relinquish his bullets since my colleague managed to imply that EC couldn’t afford to replace them, so he indignantly gave them up to prove he could (*sigh*). Airport security let him go because they knew I’d told him the full and fierce consequences of his actions (and as one of them quipped, “he has to pay 2 lawyers’ bills now, that’s punishment enough” ha ha, oh the wit, it slays me) and he’d given up the bullets (if he hadn’t been such a prat and not pitched a fit and demanded his lawyers be present when they took the bullets in the first place they would have let him go straight away!)
This whole thing took us NEARLY AN HOUR of solid arguing. I think he ran down as much because he was losing his voice as because he saw reason.
I’d set the Hounds on him, but I think he’d shoot them. Besides, I think he was rabid. I’ll set them on my colleague instead. Crunchy business lawyer.
A colleague in the business team calls me and asks me to hurry and help one of her clients who is having problems with the police at an airport and is insisting on getting him to help (he called me to come with because he isn’t a criminal lawyer or an immigration lawyer and thinks he’s going to be out of his depth – yes, the guy does pay well). Apparently this guy wants a “lawyer he’s paid for.” Somewhat bemused, I make the long haul to the airport and track down our erstwhile client (hereby known as EC).
EC is an American gentleman. He seems to be having some cultural difficulties adapting to the UK. Most people understand that things change and try to learn. Others, it seems, simply explode and crank up the volume.
It seems he has arrived and been detained because he has some ammunition in his suitcase – just a few loose bullets at the bottom of his case (how he got on a plane with them bemuses me surely security would have stopped him getting on a plane with ammunition?) Ok, stuff like this apparently happens a lot (or so say the airport security folks). People carry scraps of things that are illegal in this country but legal in their country of origin. If they’re clearly not smuggling, security’s normally pretty willing to confiscate and let you go on your way after informing you that it’s naughty and you’re not to do it here (especially on flights from Amsterdam).
That would probably have happened in this case and I wouldn’t have had to waste my time dragging myself to see EC if it weren’t for the fact that EC was one giant balloon of righteous indignation. Most of this included screeching his constitutional rights (I kid you not. He tried to demand his second amendment rights. I think I lost several minutes just frozen in shock) to everyone who would listen (even when we got him into a private room to discuss things there was little point as I’m sure his every bellow could be heard 3 counties over). My colleague is giving me the “oh my god, I am SO sorry I have inflicted him on you, please don’t kill me for this” look while I am giving him the “death is too good for you” look. The Hounds, alas, are stuck in quarantine.
There then follows a painful period of informing him that, no, the American constitution doesn’t actually apply in the UK. No, really, it doesn’t. Shocking isn’t it? No, we have different gun laws over here. You do not have the right to carry guns or any other kind of weapon (except haddock when truly exasperated) – and I personally am insanely glad that EC isn’t allowed to get his sweaty hands on any kind of weapon while sharing the same country as my good self. No, we don’t actually WANT to change the laws. He bitched about how it should be in the British constitution (heh, because we don’t actually have a written Constitution. One of only 2 countries in the whole world that don’t, I think – yes, that went down well). Then I told him he could face up to 5 years in prison just for carrying those bullets in the UK (which resulted in more towering rage and threats ranging from the unspecified to America apparently invading should we even ‘dare’ to arrest him).
In the end he was convinced to relinquish his bullets since my colleague managed to imply that EC couldn’t afford to replace them, so he indignantly gave them up to prove he could (*sigh*). Airport security let him go because they knew I’d told him the full and fierce consequences of his actions (and as one of them quipped, “he has to pay 2 lawyers’ bills now, that’s punishment enough” ha ha, oh the wit, it slays me) and he’d given up the bullets (if he hadn’t been such a prat and not pitched a fit and demanded his lawyers be present when they took the bullets in the first place they would have let him go straight away!)
This whole thing took us NEARLY AN HOUR of solid arguing. I think he ran down as much because he was losing his voice as because he saw reason.
I’d set the Hounds on him, but I think he’d shoot them. Besides, I think he was rabid. I’ll set them on my colleague instead. Crunchy business lawyer.
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Date: 2006-05-24 09:42 am (UTC)