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It's like good advice....
Nov. 29th, 2011 12:20 pmYou really didn't want.
This is a perennial problem with well meaning straight, cis people and, I rather think, privileged people over all marginalised people. Advice.
I often wonder why privileged people decide to give advice about being marginalised to marginalised people. It's kind of like watching a high school maths teacher correct Stephen Hawkings on his sums.
One of the recent crops of unsolicited advice we've been seeing is various people, especially in professional sports, encouraging their closeted GBLT teammates, colleagues et al to come out. And I sigh, I really do. We really really do not need advice on whether to come out or not, at least not from straight, cis people who really cannot understand what that means and the depth of the implications.
Lives are lost coming out. Literally. Families are lost. Friends are lost, careers are lost. And we can all say that those that matter will stand by you, and it's true, but reality is often harsher than such ideals and platitudes won't solve isolation, loneliness, betrayal – or protect you from violence and abandonment – or being fired for that matter. To say nothing of the very personal struggles that often precede coming out (and follow after it for that matter).
Don't get me wrong, coming out was one of the best things I ever did – but it was also one of the hardest things I ever did – and it still isn't easy and it never will be.
And it keeps happening. I think the latest is the president of the UFC (which is an extra load of foolishness, since this man is quite happy to throw around anti-gay slurs. So I suspect it's more an attempt at good PR than anything), but I've seen it multiple times in professional football, rugby, cricket and athletics. I've seen it for actors and politicians, musicians and businessmen, lawyers and doctors, police and firefighters and a million professions besides. The same tune “you should come out.”
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This is a perennial problem with well meaning straight, cis people and, I rather think, privileged people over all marginalised people. Advice.
I often wonder why privileged people decide to give advice about being marginalised to marginalised people. It's kind of like watching a high school maths teacher correct Stephen Hawkings on his sums.
One of the recent crops of unsolicited advice we've been seeing is various people, especially in professional sports, encouraging their closeted GBLT teammates, colleagues et al to come out. And I sigh, I really do. We really really do not need advice on whether to come out or not, at least not from straight, cis people who really cannot understand what that means and the depth of the implications.
Lives are lost coming out. Literally. Families are lost. Friends are lost, careers are lost. And we can all say that those that matter will stand by you, and it's true, but reality is often harsher than such ideals and platitudes won't solve isolation, loneliness, betrayal – or protect you from violence and abandonment – or being fired for that matter. To say nothing of the very personal struggles that often precede coming out (and follow after it for that matter).
Don't get me wrong, coming out was one of the best things I ever did – but it was also one of the hardest things I ever did – and it still isn't easy and it never will be.
And it keeps happening. I think the latest is the president of the UFC (which is an extra load of foolishness, since this man is quite happy to throw around anti-gay slurs. So I suspect it's more an attempt at good PR than anything), but I've seen it multiple times in professional football, rugby, cricket and athletics. I've seen it for actors and politicians, musicians and businessmen, lawyers and doctors, police and firefighters and a million professions besides. The same tune “you should come out.”
Read More
