Bringing some thoughts together on It Gets Better

[sparkindarkness]

I know some people don't like it because it's a lie. It often doesn't get better. I sigh, again, because I think of young Sparky and what I would say to him

What would I say to the boy who has been ostracised from his friends, alienated from his family, who has been beaten, who has been freaking burned, who has had bones broken, who stays up half the night with nightmares and wakes up with dread and has just emptied the medicine cabinet. What would I say to him?


Would I say “there's a lot more shit to go through. You're going to be beaten a lot more. Your low self-worth is going to leave you vulnerable to some real arseholes who are going to treat you like shit and worse. You're going to lose your first 2 jobs. You're going to have to tolerate a hostile work environment. You're never going to have a happy relationship with your family, the nightmares will never go away and you won't be able to look in the mirror at all for the next 12 years and probably never comfortably because of your scars and you're going to have to take pills every day to avert a mental break down that had rapidly reduced you to an unstable wreck. You will never be able to go out your door without being afraid. You will never be able to touch another man without fear, you will never look at a stranger without wondering 'are they safe?' You will never speak without wondering who can hear, you will never walk without wondering who is watching you. You will never feel secure, you will never feel that anything you have is ever remotely safe.”

Would I tell young Sparky that? It's the truth, after all?

Or would I tell him, “you're going to fall in love with a good man who never fails to make every day a little brighter. You will have a home, a haven. You will find the courage to be you, despite fear. You will get a job, and despite everything you'll be bloody amazing at it. You will help people, you will safe lives and families and protect rights and provide other people a safe haven. You will be loved, you will have friends who know you and value you. You will have fun. You will laugh. You will enjoy life. You will survive and be strong and do well.”

It's also truth. It's heavily edited truth, but it's still truth.

Because I know which I would tell young Sparky. I know what would have helped him not reach into that medicine cabinet. And it sure isn't the hard truths or painful realities. It's the hope – however weak and erased and glossed over that hope may be. Because it's hope that will keep them going to manage another day, it's hope that will tell them someone understand and is working with them. It's hope that would have helped me.

New post on the blog click to go through

Comments

[willow]

See, I would tell my younger self the whole truth. Though, just saying 'We made it past 21' would have been enough of a knee dropping shock. To 'heavily edit', for me, would mean when the bad times hit, the feeling of betrayal could have wrecked me so hard, that I ended up in worse straits than before.

That's the part I hate about this... whatever it is. That it comes across as not honest; as if being under 21 and being over 21 are two different dimensions and if you manage long enough, suddenly rainbows and bunny kisses. And even if that were suddenly true for white queer youth? It wouldn't be for PoC queer youth, who might go in thinking 'well, they get oppression and it's supposed to be better, right?' and then get called a whole bunch of shit. And since when has it gotten better for trans individuals? Or genderqueer, gender non conforming individuals?

Heck even for straight teenagers, shit doesn't magically blossom good out of highschool or even college. The same assholes exist further up the line, often with way more consequence over your life than a teacher, guidance counselor - sometimes even equal to a shitty parent.

I haven't even been paying attention to see the appropriation, but find myself not surprised. Why shouldn't they be inviting our youth into a fairy land that won't actually be there? What does it matter to them if souls get crushed? They did a good deed or one that seemed like it, which is just as good, right?