Random fragileness
Mar. 27th, 2011 11:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessI think I'm having a bit of a fragile moment again. It's hard for me to diagnose because Denial Brain is strong and my usual habit is to ignore ignore ignore BOOOM oh look I am broken.
But now there's a man who is paid to listen to me whine (which took a long time because I was very very very picky about the people who would hear me whine which is strange really considering how willing I am to whine) and said man Disapproves of this coping strategy. In fact he Disapproves of me calling it a coping strategy since it's pretty much the opposite of a coping strategy. It's a not!coping strategy.
He also keeps pointing to the little pills he thinks may help which meant we had to sit down and analyse my reluctance to take any kind of meds (including apparently my medical notes having nice annotations from my GP saying I need coercing into taking meds) which he has been kind of listing down as common prejudice against the brain drugs. Which is a reasonable assumption, but in my case it's because I, in the silly broken days of my youth, tried to empty a medicine cabinet. Which he then started to really over-dramatise but backed off when I poked the melodrama. I think I could like this man.
Anyway, the pills are in the bottle but the nice Booze has been opened which always smooths the edges.
I'm not sure why I'm a bit edgy. Family has, bar one or two exceptions. Been largely non-existent. The news is nasty but it's always nasty. I'm a little displeased by how prevalent a certain slur seems to be rising in both my LJ flist and my twitter feed and have stepped back from both a little until I am more robust.
Oh and weekly television watchage relaxing on the sofa has been one long spork-fest. Gods above, can we not have this homophobia all the damn time?! There has to be a gay episode. And even aside from that there's constant little references that are so damned unnecessary. And I just flick the channel automatically when I see a stand up comedian. I love stand up, but I'm so tired of the gay jokes.
So, yeah. Bit of a whine moment while I check what needs rebuilding mentally. And drink the good booze.
(And they kicked Alice out of Masterchef? Really? She was the best chef by far!)
But now there's a man who is paid to listen to me whine (which took a long time because I was very very very picky about the people who would hear me whine which is strange really considering how willing I am to whine) and said man Disapproves of this coping strategy. In fact he Disapproves of me calling it a coping strategy since it's pretty much the opposite of a coping strategy. It's a not!coping strategy.
He also keeps pointing to the little pills he thinks may help which meant we had to sit down and analyse my reluctance to take any kind of meds (including apparently my medical notes having nice annotations from my GP saying I need coercing into taking meds) which he has been kind of listing down as common prejudice against the brain drugs. Which is a reasonable assumption, but in my case it's because I, in the silly broken days of my youth, tried to empty a medicine cabinet. Which he then started to really over-dramatise but backed off when I poked the melodrama. I think I could like this man.
Anyway, the pills are in the bottle but the nice Booze has been opened which always smooths the edges.
I'm not sure why I'm a bit edgy. Family has, bar one or two exceptions. Been largely non-existent. The news is nasty but it's always nasty. I'm a little displeased by how prevalent a certain slur seems to be rising in both my LJ flist and my twitter feed and have stepped back from both a little until I am more robust.
Oh and weekly television watchage relaxing on the sofa has been one long spork-fest. Gods above, can we not have this homophobia all the damn time?! There has to be a gay episode. And even aside from that there's constant little references that are so damned unnecessary. And I just flick the channel automatically when I see a stand up comedian. I love stand up, but I'm so tired of the gay jokes.
So, yeah. Bit of a whine moment while I check what needs rebuilding mentally. And drink the good booze.
(And they kicked Alice out of Masterchef? Really? She was the best chef by far!)