Dear family
Jun. 20th, 2010 06:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessIn particular parents, my mother’s brother, his wife, their daughter, and their grandchildren who decided to stop around at MY house yesterday.
The door was locked, the door to MY house we might add. Yes, I know you have a key. That’s for emergencies. That’s for “we haven’t heard from Sparky for 8 days and we fear he may have fallen down the stairs dragging Beloved with him and they both hit their head” kind of emergency. That’s for “Sparky has locked himself out and needs help” emergency. That’s for “Sparky and Beloved have gone gallivanting and not fed the cat” emergency.
It’s not for “we tried to open the door and it was locked so we just unlocked it and went in without knocking” NOT!Emergency.
Look, I’m not going to say “you’re always welcome” because that’s ridiculous. We don’t say that in our family. It doesn’t need to be said, it‘s assumed. You don’t ring ahead, you don’t plan, you don’t look for an invite. Any one of us will happily show up on the doorstep of anyone else at a moment’s notice. But a knock would be nice. ESPECIALLY if the door is locked.
Yes, you walked in on us rather more than half naked (all I can say is thank gods you didn’t arrive 15 minutes later). This is my cue to be shocked, angry and, indeed, fly around in howler monkey outrage.
You? You do not get to be shocked and appalled. No no you don’t. Surprised? Yes, you can be surprised. Embarrassed? Oh yes you sure as hello can be embarrassed. Apologetic? Hell yeah we can have a double order of that!
Shocked and disbelieving? Not so much. Especially on the disbelieving. Honestly, you’re acting like you walked in on us feeding baby dragons or something. What was happening was not impossible, unbelievable or completely beyond the realm of anything you could imagine was possible. Or, at least, it shouldn’t have been.
When I moved in with Beloved, what, 7ish years ago now? (I’m not sure myself when the ‘uni room mates’ because ’room mates who started dating’ became ‘lovers who lived together’) I don’t know what you thought we were doing. Playing tiddly winks? Your gay son was living together with his gay room mate and we were dating and in love. For years. Astonishingly, part of that wonderful loving relationship included sex!
Nor can I imagine what you thought we were doing when we actually got married. I know you know, you were there. Remember the distinct obsession so many of you had with putting damn flowers everywhere (for the record, I still hate cut flowers. I do not understand why anyone would see something so beautiful and natural and decide to kill it and put it in a vase and watch it rot). You know this isn’t a platonic friendship. And while not every relationship is sexual, there have been more than enough hints over the years to make it clear that ours most certainly is.
See, I knew to respect you as sexual, adult beings when I was a teenager. I gave you space, I knew better than to walk in anywhere without announcing my presence. I never saw anything and I took pains not to do so – to respect your space and your life because (unusually considering the average teen’s reluctance to consider their parents having sex) I was aware of the activities you were probably doing. I was aware you needed your boundaries respected. I think it’s not to much to ask to be accorded the same respect in my own damn house.
I am the person who should be angry here. This level of shock and horror from you is unwarranted, ridiculously excessive and rather irritating. Please to be stopping now and do expect many guilt trips.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-20 07:49 pm (UTC)Parents.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-20 10:05 pm (UTC)