Beloved is saved from another obsession

I may have corrupted Beloved into WoW

However, I also may have scared him off too.

Beloved: I have a WoW character!
Sparky: Really? I thought you said you’d never play WoW?
Beloved: I thought I’d try it… of course you have to help me
Sparky: *sigh* do I have to?
Beloved: Yes, come meet me in… Ratchett?
Sparky: Ratchett? Damn, why do you need help in the arse end of nowhere? *grumble* Get out of Kalimdor.
Beloved: I’m waaaaaaaiting.
Sparky: *annoying long period of travelling later* slow boats are slow. Yes yes they are. Damn rusty drake not workingh in Azeroth *grumble grumble*

Sparky: So where are you?
Beloved: Just west of the city.
Sparky: You know, this really is a terrible place to level, we’re in the middle of horde…
Beloved: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!! MAUAHAHA!
Sparky:…
Beloved: Die Alliance! For the Horde!
Sparky: uh-huh.
Beloved: Uh… why aren’t you dying? 25 THOUSAND health, what…
Sparky: yeah *FLAMESHOCK*
Beloved: HEY!
Sparky: WoW lesson 1 my little noob. Level 9 Tauren warriors can’t gank level 80 Draenei shamans. Now go re-roll Alliance before I corpse camp you.
Beloved: What?
Sparky: *FROSTSHOCK*
Beloved: Stop it!

Yeah, I don’t see this hobby lasting. He’s already back in the garden.

Musings on Labels

One of the perennial battles I’ve been seeing raging back and forth are a lot of battles about labels, their need and which ones to use. And they can get heated and passionate at time. There are also a movement at times to dismiss all labels as irrelevant, unneeded, damaging or otherwise unnecessary. To treat labels as relics or harmful or unnecessarily divisive. They have some good points

And while I respect people for their lack of labels (for reasons I’ll go into below) I certainly do not join them in dismissing them entirely, far from it. I like my labels and strongly identify with them.

Labels are, I think vitally important things, especially for marginalised people. Labels can be an important part of self-definition and self-identity. They can be a powerful way of declaring yourself, who and what you are, claiming yourself and naming yourself. That is important, that is powerful.

We live in a word where people will label us, negatively, insultingly with slurs and to dehumanise us, other us and reduce us.  To claim our own labels in response, to say “we’re not that – we’re this. THIS is us” is an act of empowerment.

And we live in a world where we are often rendered invisible, that denies our existence, forgets about us and generally shoves us under the rug and in the closet at every opportunity, then shouting our identity, clearly stating our identity and having a labelled identity is a great way to counter the erasure. I think this is especially important for GBLT people where our existence is not only denied, but the very possibility of our existence is often fought – with us being labelled as sick or deluded, with homosexuality being considered something we do rather than what we are and the huge denial of a trans person’s gender identity.

I like being able to say, “I am gay, this is me. This is who I am, this is what I am. Not what you say I am, what I say I am.” I like my label, it’s important to me and a matter of power to me.

But here’s another point – it’s my label. I label myself.

I think one of the main problems with labelling is that we have a desire to label others – and not with the labels they choose. Different labels mean different things to different people. And that can be frustrating, especially when they reject our labels in terms we find insulting and embrace labels we find problematic.

I get edgy when men who exclusively love other men don’t identify as gay, especially if they say “because gay means X, Y and Z” even though X, Y and Z have nothing to do with me. But that doesn’t matter, because it’s he who is being labelled, not me, and he has a right to choose his own label and to reject mine.

I don’t like the label “same-sex attracted” because I feel that it reduces being gay to sex alone. I find it diminishing. But, again, while I will reject that label for me, I have no right to force my disapproval of that label on someone else.

I have problems with the word “queer.” I’ve had it used as a slur in so many severe situations that I am repelled by it being used to label me. And I reject that label when people use it to label me, it has too much pain attached to it, so I refuse it as an identifier. But, at the same time I use it to label people who claim it for themselves – it is their identity, their choice.

Do I think that’s an absolute? No, few things are. Sometimes people can choose labels that are inherently offensive to other groups, they can choose labels that are appropriative, demeaning or diminishing of others. Sometimes a label has so much baggage and pain attached that others will refuse to use it (I will not call another gay man “fag” no matter how much they themselves use the word and try to reclaim it).  But this is because of very real harm for the word. I have seen similar arguments for words that have been considered silly, non-sensical or ridiculous. But not harmful – and then we have to ask ourselves if we’re forcing our definitions on someone else without cause?

I don’t think discarding labels is the way to go as I have seen argued around – not even close. But I think the endless battles over labels would be resolved a lot better and a lot more easily if people respected each other’s labels and reasons more. You cannot dictate another’s identity or the power that a label has for them.

On Pride

One of the cornerstones of the GBLT movement has been the concept of Pride. And I applaud it with all my heart, because it is exactly what I feel was and is so needed.

The world denies GBLT Pride. The world suppresses it. And for such a long time – and still today – GBLT Shame has been the standard, not pride. We should be ashamed for what we are. We should change. Whole organisations have been built and funded around forcing us to change our shameful beings. Vast international churches fiercely press that our presence, our existence is shameful and should be repressed and changed and repented of.  We should feel guilty, we should be ashamed.

We are told we should hide. We should pretend. We should act lest our terrible weirdness infect, upset or hurt other people. Being GBLT is outrageous, shameful. We cannot speak of it openly. We must not speak of it in front of the children, because it will damage them. We cannot speak of it in front of other people, that’s forcing our nastiness on them, forcing them to endure it, forcing it down their throats, making a display of it. Isn’t it inappropriate? Can’t we just keep it to ourselves? Don’t we have any decency, don’t we have any shame? We should feel guilty, we should be ashamed.

We are attacked and punished for being who we are, beaten down, driven into hiding and killed. We are kicked out of houses, even our parents’ homes, because of the shame and vileness of our presence under their roof. We are turned away from businesses and employers. Laws are enacted to keep us out, to silence any mention of us, to protect vaunted professions from us, to protect children from us, to deny us and push us back. Laws that exist to enforce our shame. We should feel guilty. We should be ashamed.

I grew up with Gay Shame. I grew up with the idea that my sexuality was a bad thing, that I was a flawed and broken, that I had some terrible affliction that I should spare other people. I grew up knowing I deserved less, that I was less, that I was embarrassing, shameful, something to hide. I was taught to be guilty. I was taught to be ashamed.

I was taught that, society taught me that, family taught me that, certain “friends” definitely taught me that.

This is what GBLT Pride means. In a world that tells us we should change, we say we’re good as we are. In a world that tells us we should hide, we say we’re here and open. In a world that tells us we’re sick and broken, we say we’re whole and well. In a world that tells us children should be protected from us, we say we have kids and are kids and that’s pure and good and right. In a world that attacks us, beats us and kills us for daring to exist, we say that’s wrong and we fight back. In a world where laws are expressly created to repress us, we scream that we are equal. In a world that tells us we should not be, we yell that this is who we are and this is fine and wonderful.

In a world that tells us we should be ashamed, we declare that we are Proud.

And this is not a message that is easily announced. So far this year a Pride Parade in Lithuania was met with violence,  a Pride Parade in Minsk broken up by riot police, the first Pride Parade in Slovakia was cancelled after being attacked by skinheads, and Moscow Pride Parade has been cancelled (Moscow has a bad history with Pride Parades, to say the least especially as Mayor Yuri Luzhkov refers to gay and lesbians as “satanic“).

So looking at that, at the power and meaning and declaration of Pride, as well as the violent and virulent opposition to it, we get this and this and this and this Straight Pride. Hey you can google it, there’s no shortage of links, alas.

Has the world ever been about anything BUT straight pride? Has there ever been an institution of straight shame? Have your families, your love, your children, your life ever been demeaned and attacked and criminalised because you are straight?

Have straight people ever had to declare their sexuality? No, because the world will always assume it and honour it and raise it up and pure and proper and right. There has never been a need for straight pride because the world is steeped in it, saturated with it and pumps it out every second of every day. They flaunt their privilege like a flag and think it’s oh-so-witty to do so.

They have taken the symbolism of Pride and are using it to attack us and demean what they know so little about.

And today on Twitter, “Geek Pride” was trending. It is, apparently, Geek Pride day.

And I saw people celebrating. Including words like “Hiding in the locker is over.”  And “I’m coming out as a Geek!“ and “it’s geek pride day! I can go out in geek drag.” “Is there a colourful flag we should be waving?”

Why, I think I see some subtle comparisons there. Yes yes I do.

I am a Geek. I play WoW, I am a fantasy and sci-fi lover, most of my TV and book choices either have lazers or fireballs or at least vampire fangs. I’ve played D&D, I’ve played GURPS and I have a shelf full of White Wolf books. I had a childhood crush on Nightcrawler for gods’ sake (don’t ask. Really) I am as geeky and nerdy as they come and merrily happy with it.

But this? This is appropriating something vital and powerful. Celebrate geekiness, revel in it, dance with it, wave those towels! It’s a wonderful wonderful thing, but Geek Pride? No, really, no.