Dear Political canvassers

Oh you poor Tory, you knocked on the wrong door didn’t you?

Of course, it didn’t help that I’d only just got up and only had one cup of coffee.

I would feel sorry for you after several coffees later, you poor deluded fool. But you’re a Tory and your whole party has it coming. But hey, if you want a rematch, come back next week and I can rip more of your lies to shreds. This is even more fun than grilling lying policemen in court.

Run faster little Tory, I can still hear your tears

BNP – don’t ever drop your virulent filth through my letter box again. My house needs cleansing now that such vileness polluted my doormat. You’re not a party, you’re a gang of evil thugs and a stain on this country. Knock on my door next time. I dare you.

UKIP – yeah, you better run.

Elections, 101 more reasons to have furious arguments on the doorstep.