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Ok let’s start with a health ramble
Mar. 11th, 2008 02:51 pmPlus point: the coughing has GOOOOONE. Yes, I am 99% cured (of course, every natural cough is a matter of huge paranoia since I‘ve had to deal with 8 freaking MONTHS of this damned illness), my lung capacity is restored. I can breathe again. I can exercise again. I can feel less worn and broken and start getting on with things and being generally competent in a slightly irritating fashion :)
Badness? Well, I’m not sure of the cause but there is badness. The problem with this prolonged illness is I have gone from being robustly healthy and never been ill at all, to having a relatively weakened immune system (oh, and can we have a brief slapping for those concerned friends and family members who have, upon hearing me complain of this, gasped dramatically and ask in horror about AIDS. No, just no, ok? It is actually possible for a gay man to be ill WITHOUT it being linked to HIV, ok? Yes, yes I know they‘re speaking because they care and they‘re worried, but one of my pet hates is constantly being linked to that damn disease.) and being susceptible to any bug that happens to be going ‘round.
What’s wrong? Well, it looks like a stomach bug - nausea, diarrhoea (icky tmi) and complete loss of appetite. But here’s the thing - the first 2 symptoms have largely gone over the last week. But I don’t want to eat. I seem to have lost any sense of hunger and eating as much as I used to makes me feel bloated and icky. I’m only eating at all because Beloved put his foot down and said that not eating for 4 days was wrong, unnatural and frightening and I had to eat. I eat... but only because it is the correct time to eat and one should eat at these times. And I don’t enjoy food. Which In hate utterly because food is one of the great voluptuous pleasures of life that I utterly relish in. And I haven’t drank alcohol for over a month (which is just WRONG for me. I’m a big drinker, freely admitted. I love mah booze.)
But I don’t feel ill per se (beyond a slight weakness that could be down to poor diet as anything), not nauseous or anything. Doctor says it’s just a stomach bug (I say for the first week maybe, but 2? C‘mon, stomach bugs don‘t last that long AND they make you feel like crap) and NOT a side effect of the Lansoprazole (30g three times a day, hated things) tablets I’m taking. My aunt, the nurse, says the doctor is either lying or ignorant, to throw the pills away and take Gaviscon instead. I am confused and unsure here as to what’s the best to do.
I am stifling a treacherous mental pathway that thinks that this will be a great help for getting back into shape (not being able to exercise much and feeling like crap? Sparky is not in the best condition) but I (and a rather... vehement Belolved) feel that insecurity and low body image issues are soooo not what I need right now (and, damn it, I’m UNDERWEIGHT not overweight for my height! Remember this, stupid brain! And I’m cute too, thank you very much. The pretty blond one says so) and if I did, thinking that being able to skip meals for several days is a GOOD thing is NOT the way to achieve any kind of peak health and cuteness.
The plus side is that while my weird-brain may be inclined towards insane and stupid issues my main brain is painfully sensible and will not tolerate such silliness.
Badness? Well, I’m not sure of the cause but there is badness. The problem with this prolonged illness is I have gone from being robustly healthy and never been ill at all, to having a relatively weakened immune system (oh, and can we have a brief slapping for those concerned friends and family members who have, upon hearing me complain of this, gasped dramatically and ask in horror about AIDS. No, just no, ok? It is actually possible for a gay man to be ill WITHOUT it being linked to HIV, ok? Yes, yes I know they‘re speaking because they care and they‘re worried, but one of my pet hates is constantly being linked to that damn disease.) and being susceptible to any bug that happens to be going ‘round.
What’s wrong? Well, it looks like a stomach bug - nausea, diarrhoea (icky tmi) and complete loss of appetite. But here’s the thing - the first 2 symptoms have largely gone over the last week. But I don’t want to eat. I seem to have lost any sense of hunger and eating as much as I used to makes me feel bloated and icky. I’m only eating at all because Beloved put his foot down and said that not eating for 4 days was wrong, unnatural and frightening and I had to eat. I eat... but only because it is the correct time to eat and one should eat at these times. And I don’t enjoy food. Which In hate utterly because food is one of the great voluptuous pleasures of life that I utterly relish in. And I haven’t drank alcohol for over a month (which is just WRONG for me. I’m a big drinker, freely admitted. I love mah booze.)
But I don’t feel ill per se (beyond a slight weakness that could be down to poor diet as anything), not nauseous or anything. Doctor says it’s just a stomach bug (I say for the first week maybe, but 2? C‘mon, stomach bugs don‘t last that long AND they make you feel like crap) and NOT a side effect of the Lansoprazole (30g three times a day, hated things) tablets I’m taking. My aunt, the nurse, says the doctor is either lying or ignorant, to throw the pills away and take Gaviscon instead. I am confused and unsure here as to what’s the best to do.
I am stifling a treacherous mental pathway that thinks that this will be a great help for getting back into shape (not being able to exercise much and feeling like crap? Sparky is not in the best condition) but I (and a rather... vehement Belolved) feel that insecurity and low body image issues are soooo not what I need right now (and, damn it, I’m UNDERWEIGHT not overweight for my height! Remember this, stupid brain! And I’m cute too, thank you very much. The pretty blond one says so) and if I did, thinking that being able to skip meals for several days is a GOOD thing is NOT the way to achieve any kind of peak health and cuteness.
The plus side is that while my weird-brain may be inclined towards insane and stupid issues my main brain is painfully sensible and will not tolerate such silliness.