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See, not only do I have to put up with their drivel and tolerate their insanity - but I have to do it with a straight face. No insane looks of death and not collapsing in laughter. I wish they would take this into account and try not to act like my own private sketch show.
And you, Mr. (I think) A, are a classic example. Yes, it is highly desirable for your name to be properly written on court documents and, yes, your name is very long and very unusual, and yes, your scrawl is actually illegible unless you are a trained cryptographer with a good talent for Magic Eye pictures and an extreme liking for Rorschach prints as it is probably best for you to spell it aloud.
Please don’t use the phonetic alphabet. Just use letters. I will understand, honest. I say this because you don’t KNOW the phonetic alphabet.
Even worse, in some desperate attempt to impress me (though why you would want to impress the man you have just told all the sordid details of your messy divorce to is beyond me) you are choosing to use the longest, most complicated words you can think of to spell out your name.
Words, it has to be said, that you don’t actually know how to spell.
By the time we reached “f for Philanthropic” I had broken 3 ribs in an attempt not to laugh.
In fact, can we make this a general plea to all clients not to try an impress me? This includes:
1) Not using any words unless you are SURE you know what they mean. Do you really want me to record that you believe your statement is erroneous? Put away the word of the day calendar.
2) This applies doubly if the word is multi-syllabic and you only have the vaguest idea of pronunciation. Even more so if your perceived pronunciation would require a considerable volume of airborne saliva
3) This applied to an infinite degree if said word is in a foreign and/or dead language. You are English, I am English, why do you think any part of the following conversation needs to include Latin?
4) Do not profess to any kind of legal knowledge unless you are a qualified legal professional. Just DON’T
5) In fact, don’t claim any kind of knowledge of ANYTHING unless you have at least 3 certificates from separate awarding bodies confirming your relevant expertise. And even then, tread carefully.
6) I am not even remotely interested in your opinion (scholarly or otherwise) on ANYTHING. EVER.
Keeping to these rules will ensure considerably less headaches and less aching ribs on my part, thank you.
And you, Mr. (I think) A, are a classic example. Yes, it is highly desirable for your name to be properly written on court documents and, yes, your name is very long and very unusual, and yes, your scrawl is actually illegible unless you are a trained cryptographer with a good talent for Magic Eye pictures and an extreme liking for Rorschach prints as it is probably best for you to spell it aloud.
Please don’t use the phonetic alphabet. Just use letters. I will understand, honest. I say this because you don’t KNOW the phonetic alphabet.
Even worse, in some desperate attempt to impress me (though why you would want to impress the man you have just told all the sordid details of your messy divorce to is beyond me) you are choosing to use the longest, most complicated words you can think of to spell out your name.
Words, it has to be said, that you don’t actually know how to spell.
By the time we reached “f for Philanthropic” I had broken 3 ribs in an attempt not to laugh.
In fact, can we make this a general plea to all clients not to try an impress me? This includes:
1) Not using any words unless you are SURE you know what they mean. Do you really want me to record that you believe your statement is erroneous? Put away the word of the day calendar.
2) This applies doubly if the word is multi-syllabic and you only have the vaguest idea of pronunciation. Even more so if your perceived pronunciation would require a considerable volume of airborne saliva
3) This applied to an infinite degree if said word is in a foreign and/or dead language. You are English, I am English, why do you think any part of the following conversation needs to include Latin?
4) Do not profess to any kind of legal knowledge unless you are a qualified legal professional. Just DON’T
5) In fact, don’t claim any kind of knowledge of ANYTHING unless you have at least 3 certificates from separate awarding bodies confirming your relevant expertise. And even then, tread carefully.
6) I am not even remotely interested in your opinion (scholarly or otherwise) on ANYTHING. EVER.
Keeping to these rules will ensure considerably less headaches and less aching ribs on my part, thank you.