Remind me again why I have long hair?

Me: *vaguely manages to insert toothbrush into mouth, morning bleary. Looks up into mirror* ARGH!

Hair: Power to the Follicles!

Me: *reaches desperately for hair brush*

Hair: OPPRESSED! OPPRESSED We’re being oppressed!

Me: *fumbles for conditioning cream*

Hair: ANARCHY! ANARCHY! ANARCHY!

Me: *desperately smears in gel*

Hair: We shall not, we shall not be moved!

Me: *struggles for comb*

Hair: *eats comb* You running dog for the military industrial complex! You can’t keep us down,
fascist pig!

Me: Desperately tries a braid*

Hair: We will not be tamed! We will not be slaves! Kill us, torture us, we will endure! We are
FREE! FREEEEEEDOM!!!!!!

Me: *growl*

Beloved: Wow, bad hair day?

Me: More Anarchist-Revolutionary-hair day. I need a paper bag or a shaver.