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Amusing Homophobes.
Aug. 7th, 2006 10:31 amHomophobia is something which, for obvious reasons, tends to reduce me to incoherent axe murdering rage in record time. I have no time for it and certainly no inclination to pander to it, it’s stereotypes or anything else – I’m really zero tolerant about it. This is something most people around me know and tread warily around as if there were a stalking tiger about to eat them respect.
But there are 2 homophobes I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis who manage not to annoy me because they’re so damn funny.
See, they both suffer from the same type of homophobia – desperate fear that the gays are going to wrestle them to the floor and make them have teh hot sweaty many-sex!
They always stay at arms length from me (and they’re REALLY obvious about it). It’s not disgust, (which would piss me off on whole new levels of pissed offness) it’s fear. It’s like they’re really afraid that if I can touch them I will molest them. But the funniest thing is the way they won’t turn their back on me. Seriously, they will not let me stand behind them. It’s a severe case of “there’s a gay man behind me – he can see my backside! ARGH THE HORROR!” You see, the mere sight of their trouser clad buttocks will apparently cause me to ram them up against a wall and have my wicked way with them. Yes, yes it will. (Oh, and both of them are a lot bigger than me, so if I did randomly decide to scream “rawr! BUTTSECKS!” and leap on them, they’d be quite capable of peeling me off and slamming me against every flat surface. Unlesws I have teh evil gay superpowers).
One of them is kind of cute (nothing special though – but he does obsess more about grooming and clothes even than I do – which may be why he freaks - he's on the defensive because many people assume he is gay) but the other guy is my cousin’s husband – he’s 25 years my senior, several stone over weight, balding, unshaven, poorly dressed and generally icky. What kind of vanity do you have to have that you can look like that and still assume you are the tastiest treat on the menu to all homosexuals?
I suppose I should be offended, but it’s just so funny that I can freak these guys out so badly simply by being there. Truly all must fear the mighty power of teh gayness.
But there are 2 homophobes I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis who manage not to annoy me because they’re so damn funny.
See, they both suffer from the same type of homophobia – desperate fear that the gays are going to wrestle them to the floor and make them have teh hot sweaty many-sex!
They always stay at arms length from me (and they’re REALLY obvious about it). It’s not disgust, (which would piss me off on whole new levels of pissed offness) it’s fear. It’s like they’re really afraid that if I can touch them I will molest them. But the funniest thing is the way they won’t turn their back on me. Seriously, they will not let me stand behind them. It’s a severe case of “there’s a gay man behind me – he can see my backside! ARGH THE HORROR!” You see, the mere sight of their trouser clad buttocks will apparently cause me to ram them up against a wall and have my wicked way with them. Yes, yes it will. (Oh, and both of them are a lot bigger than me, so if I did randomly decide to scream “rawr! BUTTSECKS!” and leap on them, they’d be quite capable of peeling me off and slamming me against every flat surface. Unlesws I have teh evil gay superpowers).
One of them is kind of cute (nothing special though – but he does obsess more about grooming and clothes even than I do – which may be why he freaks - he's on the defensive because many people assume he is gay) but the other guy is my cousin’s husband – he’s 25 years my senior, several stone over weight, balding, unshaven, poorly dressed and generally icky. What kind of vanity do you have to have that you can look like that and still assume you are the tastiest treat on the menu to all homosexuals?
I suppose I should be offended, but it’s just so funny that I can freak these guys out so badly simply by being there. Truly all must fear the mighty power of teh gayness.