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I have work to do, but cannot seem to convince myself to do it. I am going to regret not clearing some units on Monday.
I'm having a listless, grumpy day, not helped by it being a bad light day as well. And still too damn hot.
Mad Secretary has a day off (to spread the insanity) and I have borrowed (or had foisted upon me) Trainee Guardian. I know you've got to be nice to the Trainees but she's too ditzy, too perky, too eager and too damn meddling. Another excuse to do nothing.
I had one of my brief, irrational, "I hate my success" vanity moments. One of those really stupid moments where it flitters through my mine "I wish I weren't a lawyer and I wish I didn't have profitable investments and just had a peaceful, boring, low paid factory job." Gasp at the stupidity, people - GASP. Of course, I only get to make such stupid lamentations because I've never had to do a "boring factory job." And all my silly regrets have the little irrational addendum "oh, but I want to keep the money and all the shiny stuff."
Which leads me into all the ramblings of my brain and how the rough edges come together as instincts war against each other
( Read more... )
And while I would't give any of this up for the world and I agree passionately with all of it, I do feel like I'm warring with my instincts at times. My instinct feels, a lot of the time, to be more, well, submissive. I don't think I am instinctively a leader, a guide or a pro-active person. There is an element of me, a strong element, that just wants to kick back and let others lead, just do as I'm told and let other's stress it out. I don't agree with the instinct so I fight it, it just feels awfully tiring at times.
I don't know how to sum it up - I think a rough analogy is to say: I'd be happier with someone forcing me to get up in the morning than me reading the clock and forcing myself to get up because I know I have to.
In some ways I think it explains some of my kinks (cut for those with delicate squicks)
( Read more... )
I'm having a listless, grumpy day, not helped by it being a bad light day as well. And still too damn hot.
Mad Secretary has a day off (to spread the insanity) and I have borrowed (or had foisted upon me) Trainee Guardian. I know you've got to be nice to the Trainees but she's too ditzy, too perky, too eager and too damn meddling. Another excuse to do nothing.
I had one of my brief, irrational, "I hate my success" vanity moments. One of those really stupid moments where it flitters through my mine "I wish I weren't a lawyer and I wish I didn't have profitable investments and just had a peaceful, boring, low paid factory job." Gasp at the stupidity, people - GASP. Of course, I only get to make such stupid lamentations because I've never had to do a "boring factory job." And all my silly regrets have the little irrational addendum "oh, but I want to keep the money and all the shiny stuff."
Which leads me into all the ramblings of my brain and how the rough edges come together as instincts war against each other
( Read more... )And while I would't give any of this up for the world and I agree passionately with all of it, I do feel like I'm warring with my instincts at times. My instinct feels, a lot of the time, to be more, well, submissive. I don't think I am instinctively a leader, a guide or a pro-active person. There is an element of me, a strong element, that just wants to kick back and let others lead, just do as I'm told and let other's stress it out. I don't agree with the instinct so I fight it, it just feels awfully tiring at times.
I don't know how to sum it up - I think a rough analogy is to say: I'd be happier with someone forcing me to get up in the morning than me reading the clock and forcing myself to get up because I know I have to.
In some ways I think it explains some of my kinks (cut for those with delicate squicks)
( Read more... )
