![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Is it so much to ask?
Mar. 30th, 2006 10:56 amOK, there has been something in the news lately about solicitors complaining about police being cavalier about their safety. I’ve heard a few people chuntering about whining solicitors (with added “just want to let more criminals free” mutters) because of it. They have all received a death glare and are on the Hounds waiting list.
A severe haddocking on all who complain – this is a severe problem. As defence lawyers we have to go into a small room, alone, with a suspected criminal – someone who could have just beaten up a load of people, severely injured someone, raped someone or even killed someone. Is it whining to want some basic safety precautions in those situations? C’mon, if you put a ladder on uneven ground you get a small herd of Health & Safety execs stampeding in with disapproving clip boards and severe tutting!
It’s not like we even need much! We’d be a lot safer with 2 simple rules for the police:
1) If I am going into a small room with a criminal, please give me an appropriate warning. Nothing elaborate – just a nice friendly “he’s on crack/PCP.” Or “careful, he’s nucking futs.” Just something to let me know whether I should enter the room with my briefcase ready to throw.
2) I am walking happily into this small room. There is the Mad Eyeball Munching Maniac of Manchester in this room. I am unarmed. He is glaring at make and giggling disturbingly. You close the door to give us privacy. Fine. DO NOT LOCK THE DOOR!!!! Seriously, if he starts musing on the wine list and eyeing my liver suggestively, I want a nice clear passage out of there. I do NOT want to wait while you fiddle with the damn lock. A female solicitor was locked in a room with a multiple rapist – are we the only ones seeing the problem here? Keep the door unlocked or give us all a pet ninja. Actually, can I have a pet ninja anyway? I promise to feed it and take it for walks and stuff!
If you think they may get away, put guards on the room. Then maybe I won’t have to bang on the door for an age (while fending off psychotic inmates) before you actually let me out of the gladiator pit.
Some other nice ideas – metal handcuffs, when their hands are in front of them, are not a restraining device. They are a weapon. I would much rather someone punch me than throttle me with a chain or slam metal into my face, ‘kay？Haddock vs handcuff is not a fair fight.
Bolt your furniture to the floor please. Tables have surprising ballistic properties. Oh, and have them made of flimsy plastic or heavy metal – they can break wood and get a good weapon.
If he’s drunk, don’t call me. I can’t hold an interview with the incoherent anyway. I don’t need to be in a small room with an aggressive drunk who may vomit on the Hounds.
If a MALE perpetrator expressly asks for a FEMALE lawyer, you might want to refuse that.
Just some hints. Because if a mad criminal eats my internal organs with any kind of Italian wine I’m sending ghost Hounds after the police and everyone who said we were whining.
A severe haddocking on all who complain – this is a severe problem. As defence lawyers we have to go into a small room, alone, with a suspected criminal – someone who could have just beaten up a load of people, severely injured someone, raped someone or even killed someone. Is it whining to want some basic safety precautions in those situations? C’mon, if you put a ladder on uneven ground you get a small herd of Health & Safety execs stampeding in with disapproving clip boards and severe tutting!
It’s not like we even need much! We’d be a lot safer with 2 simple rules for the police:
1) If I am going into a small room with a criminal, please give me an appropriate warning. Nothing elaborate – just a nice friendly “he’s on crack/PCP.” Or “careful, he’s nucking futs.” Just something to let me know whether I should enter the room with my briefcase ready to throw.
2) I am walking happily into this small room. There is the Mad Eyeball Munching Maniac of Manchester in this room. I am unarmed. He is glaring at make and giggling disturbingly. You close the door to give us privacy. Fine. DO NOT LOCK THE DOOR!!!! Seriously, if he starts musing on the wine list and eyeing my liver suggestively, I want a nice clear passage out of there. I do NOT want to wait while you fiddle with the damn lock. A female solicitor was locked in a room with a multiple rapist – are we the only ones seeing the problem here? Keep the door unlocked or give us all a pet ninja. Actually, can I have a pet ninja anyway? I promise to feed it and take it for walks and stuff!
If you think they may get away, put guards on the room. Then maybe I won’t have to bang on the door for an age (while fending off psychotic inmates) before you actually let me out of the gladiator pit.
Some other nice ideas – metal handcuffs, when their hands are in front of them, are not a restraining device. They are a weapon. I would much rather someone punch me than throttle me with a chain or slam metal into my face, ‘kay？Haddock vs handcuff is not a fair fight.
Bolt your furniture to the floor please. Tables have surprising ballistic properties. Oh, and have them made of flimsy plastic or heavy metal – they can break wood and get a good weapon.
If he’s drunk, don’t call me. I can’t hold an interview with the incoherent anyway. I don’t need to be in a small room with an aggressive drunk who may vomit on the Hounds.
If a MALE perpetrator expressly asks for a FEMALE lawyer, you might want to refuse that.
Just some hints. Because if a mad criminal eats my internal organs with any kind of Italian wine I’m sending ghost Hounds after the police and everyone who said we were whining.