Is it so much to ask?

[sparkindarkness]

OK, there has been something in the news lately about solicitors complaining about police being cavalier about their safety. I’ve heard a few people chuntering about whining solicitors (with added “just want to let more criminals free” mutters) because of it. They have all received a death glare and are on the Hounds waiting list.

A severe haddocking on all who complain – this is a severe problem. As defence lawyers we have to go into a small room, alone, with a suspected criminal – someone who could have just beaten up a load of people, severely injured someone, raped someone or even killed someone. Is it whining to want some basic safety precautions in those situations? C’mon, if you put a ladder on uneven ground you get a small herd of Health & Safety execs stampeding in with disapproving clip boards and severe tutting!

It’s not like we even need much! We’d be a lot safer with 2 simple rules for the police:

1) If I am going into a small room with a criminal, please give me an appropriate warning. Nothing elaborate – just a nice friendly “he’s on crack/PCP.” Or “careful, he’s nucking futs.” Just something to let me know whether I should enter the room with my briefcase ready to throw.

2) I am walking happily into this small room. There is the Mad Eyeball Munching Maniac of Manchester in this room. I am unarmed. He is glaring at make and giggling disturbingly. You close the door to give us privacy. Fine. DO NOT LOCK THE DOOR!!!! Seriously, if he starts musing on the wine list and eyeing my liver suggestively, I want a nice clear passage out of there. I do NOT want to wait while you fiddle with the damn lock. A female solicitor was locked in a room with a multiple rapist – are we the only ones seeing the problem here? Keep the door unlocked or give us all a pet ninja. Actually, can I have a pet ninja anyway? I promise to feed it and take it for walks and stuff!

If you think they may get away, put guards on the room. Then maybe I won’t have to bang on the door for an age (while fending off psychotic inmates) before you actually let me out of the gladiator pit.

Some other nice ideas – metal handcuffs, when their hands are in front of them, are not a restraining device. They are a weapon. I would much rather someone punch me than throttle me with a chain or slam metal into my face, ‘kay？Haddock vs handcuff is not a fair fight.

Bolt your furniture to the floor please. Tables have surprising ballistic properties. Oh, and have them made of flimsy plastic or heavy metal – they can break wood and get a good weapon.

If he’s drunk, don’t call me. I can’t hold an interview with the incoherent anyway. I don’t need to be in a small room with an aggressive drunk who may vomit on the Hounds.

If a MALE perpetrator expressly asks for a FEMALE lawyer, you might want to refuse that.

Just some hints. Because if a mad criminal eats my internal organs with any kind of Italian wine I’m sending ghost Hounds after the police and everyone who said we were whining.

Comments

[oxfordgirl.livejournal.com]

I know this is a serious problem and I shouldn't find it funny, but the way you write it just makes it so damn' amusing...

Give the Hounds a biscuit for me.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*pets Hounds* thank you

[being-here.livejournal.com]

Don't you have the 'lawyer death glare'? Guaranteed to fell anyone at 10 paces?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

We do, but unfortunately it only works on humans. My brain cannot accept extreme idiots as humans so my powers are useless here.

[ephemera.livejournal.com]

note to universe : equip all mad criminals with australian wine. Ghost hounds cause far too much paperwork.

Seriously : doesn;t sound unreasonable to me, but then I'm not a Daily Mail reading twitcher ....

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Australian wine?! I refuse to be eaten with anything less than a fine European wine!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Oh yes and I hate hate HATE the daily mail. There's a woman on the buss in the morning who reads it on a seat in front of me while I hiss at the headlines.

[lightandashes.livejournal.com]

*sneaks you some metal haddocks* They'll never see them coming! *gives you coffee too*

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Coffee to be alert and jittery, metal haddocks for flailing around randomly with

[lightandashes.livejournal.com]

Of course. What else would they be for?

[everxxafter.livejournal.com]

O.o

They lock you in??? wtf!? You want a hellhound to go with that ninja? *takes baseballbat and stands on you right* *growls*

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

It makes perfect sense to them. After all, I aim interviewing a criminal. There is no guard on said criminal. If they leave the door open the criminal can escape (after squishing the nice lawyer person).

Hellhound on my left, Ninja on my right and death glare in front of me - cover me, I'm going in

[ladyhelen.livejournal.com]

*giggling helplessly*

The worst part of it is that although you write about it so brilliantly and make it so funny, you're dead right. From our perspective, Family Lawyers with young children having to deal with Sched 1 offenders isn't much fun either. :-\

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

Yes, it is a concern. Family lawyes (I am family criminal and immigration) often end up in unsafe situations as well without sufficient safeguards. Especially in various abuse cases

[home-of-usher.livejournal.com]

Just thought I'd comment sparky that I've noticed you have quite a few more readers and commenters lately. ^_^ Kudos!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I have an army - I will take over the world!!!!

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

I would have thought that all the things you mentioned would be common sense. That is probably why they're not being done :(

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

They are common sense, but they're the kind many people don't think of - I mean, lawyers are seen as little extensions of their clients -they're not at risk.

And they know we need privacy. I think they're just so used to the idea that we're "on the defendant's side" that they never imagine that we might be at risk from them

[morvoren.livejournal.com]

Hm...lock you in, in a non-segregated room with a (potentially) violent criminal...great.

Can't they just separate you with 2-inch shock-resistant acrylic with holes in it? Is there any conceivable reason for you to touch each other? I really don't see the necessity of being in the same "container."

But remember: everybody knows that to graduate from Law School you need to trade in your soul, and so what do you matter anymore?

That was me, not her.

[uberleechen.livejournal.com]

Err...there really should be a way to set livejournal to default to a specific username....because I _never_ notice.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Yes, much fun.

I wouldn't especially like that situation, I mea, you have to work with the defendant and if there is a huge great wall in the way that can make it hard. Besides doing that to every police station that accepts custody in the country may be rather expensive. They can do much cheaper and easier things to keep us safe without making our interviews difficult.

Ah yes, but we don't get the fangs and the super strength for years!

[uberleechen.livejournal.com]

Ah yes....I guess they should only shut in the senior partners with violent individuals.

I'm sure they'd go for that, just to keep the younger lawyers safe, right?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Because our senior partners are so wonderfully self-sacrificing

[cadynaisabella.livejournal.com]

*blinks* I'm five foot nothing and 120 lbs. And disabled.

Is lawschool even the PLACE for me?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Heee, I'm short and not especially muscular and I manage. Non-criminal (and to a lesser extent family) don't have to worry. And they can make us safe - if they just put some effort into it

[snuck.livejournal.com]

If a MALE perpetrator expressly asks for a FEMALE lawyer, you might want to refuse that.

I'd second that. Can you ask about that first? Or do you have to take them anyway?

Or if they have asked, follow all the other rules.

Sheesh, I'm about to be a cop, and I can't imagine not following the things you have above. Esp. the meth/PCP one - what a psycho thing to not protect and guard against.

Afterall - aren't cops supposed to protect YOU from crime too?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

We generally just hurry to the police station asap without asking why.

Sometimes I can understand asking for a lawyer of a certain gender - men who are accused of sexual abuse of any kind may not want to speak about sexual matters with a strange woman, for example. But it is rare that someone wants to see a lawyer of the OPPOSITE gender.

The cops are supposed to protect me. But many cops see lawyer and think a) enemy and b) he's on the defence's side. It doesn't occur to them that I can be at risk from the person who I am helping

Just wanted to say 'thanks'

[(Anonymous)]

I just wanted to say 'thanks' to you, and to other defence lawyers who may be reading this.

A few years ago, my father was accused of a crime (His accuser has withdrawn the accusation, thankfully). I was going to say 'it's something we know he would never have done', but I'm sure you've heard THAT before. Sometimes from the innocent, sometimes not....

Anyway, it's quite reassuring to hear from a defence lawyer like you - yes, even when you're complaining about your clients. You're obviously dedicated to the job - and have an understanding of your job that seems to amount to 'our job as a team is to strive towards the truth of the event-in-question, and figure out some sort of justice'. (Hrm. That sounds like I'm being pompous. I'm not meaning to be.)
That you have a wonderful sense of humour (and a Mad Secretary as well!) is a bonus.

We were really, really scared for Dad for a while. I guess I'm a little less scared, now, of being suddenly accused of something out of the blue. (That's what happened to Dad!)

Oh, and .. YES! Personal safety for the nice lawyer, please!