I just got assaulted by a hairdresser!

So b/f moseyed to the hairdressers today. I kind of followed for the expensive coffee and to make catty comments (and the fact they serve wine and expensive coffee tells you just how overpriced this place is). I do this quite frequently mainly because it annoys b/f in a cute way :) I can never understand why he goes to this place (and even has a regular stylist) when he only EVER gets a trim and temporary colour.

So I ensconce myself and sip my latte and twit him about his colour choices when I hear a snarling roar behind me. I turn and am confronted by a petite rage filled hairdresser

Hairdresser: YOU!
Me: Me?
Hairdresser: Are you waiting for someone to be free? (hah, like they take anyone without appointment)
Me: No... just waiting for him *points at boyfriend busily involving himself with crimson streaks and golden highlights* (oh dear, I was expecting to be evicted for freeloading coffee)
Hairdresser: Why?! You come here EVERY time he does and never get anything?!
Me: sorry... do you want me to leave?
Hairdresser: NO! Do you have any idea how many men we get in here with hair below their waists?
Me: No..
Hairdresser: And do you know how many men with long hair actually have GOOD hair and not straggly messes who come in here?
Me: errr... no...
Hairdresser: NONE, that's how many! And you come in with that hair and won't let any of us play with it!
B/f: *collapses laughing*
Me: *glares at them all* he put you up to this, didn't he?

They say not, but they all grinned. Curse him diffusing my attempts to mock him.

But I had my revenge! He had to wait while I got interesting stripy hair :)

Woman with an axe to grind

Ok, let me clarify a point for you, honey?

Me? I’m a lawyer. I’m not your ex. Yes, I represented your ex, some time ago now but that doesn’t make me your ex. No, I don’t even remember your ex’s name. Nor yours for that matter. Oh please, don’t be so outraged! Do you have ANY idea how many divorces our office handles? You weren’t stupid enough to stand out (and yes, that is a compliment).

Yes, I know it was one of the major crises of your life, but it was just Tuesday for me. Sorry, the world does not revolve around you, it does not grind to a halt when you fall apart - sucks like that doesn’t it?

In the same way, no I did not break up your marriage. Seriously, honey, I do not care if you’re married, divorced or have a huge harem of pretty bondage boys in your basement.. You and your hubby broke up your marriage, possibly with the addition of the pretty little blonde thing your hubby took up with. I did not ruin your life, you did that yourselves (though you appear still to be breathing and have full bodily integrity so you may want to grab a reality check while you’re at it as well - my angst tolerance runs out reaaaallly quickly).

No, look, really - I did not hunt down your husband and give him a free divorce coupon which suddenly convinced him to cheat on you. I did not brainwash him into leaving you - no matter how much you scream at me your relationship problems are in no way, shape or form my fault. Deal with it.

Oh, and the lady I’m having a drink with isn’t a traitor. Yes, she represented you in that divorce - but that doesn’t make her my enemy. We’re actually friends. Yeah, weird isn’t it? We can go hammer and tongs in court then go drinking together later - it’s a lawyer thing, don‘t worry about it. No honey, she isn’t breaking ranks - because THERE ARE NO SIDES. Your divorce is done, and as we both said - it was YOUR divorce, not ours.

No, she didn’t ‘sabotage’ your case nor did I try to get her to do so - and we’re both deeply offended that you would even suggest that. Now, if you’ve finished screaming we would like to get on with our lives - it would probably do you good to do the same.