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Expensive? NO, surely not?
Feb. 28th, 2006 12:00 pmAh, hello Mr. C.
Yes, I am glad the whole thing is over now. Yes, it has taken years.
Yes that is our bill. Why yes, it is rather expensive, I did inform you in detail about the cost.
Why is it so high? Well don’t you remember the times (the many many times) I told you that your proposal wouldn’t succeed and would just cost money?
And don’t you remember the times (the many many times) when your refusal to accept my simple explanations meant that a 20 minute interview turned into a 2 hour one?
And don’t you remember the times (the many many times) that you actually REFUSED to believe me and demanded I consult counsel?
And don’t you remember the times (the SO many many times) that you squabbled with your wife over the tiniest little thing? You argued about the KETTLE man. The bloody KETTLE?! I’d have BOUGHT you a kettle if I thought I was going to have to make 4 phone calls negotiating custody of a damn kettle. Sure, it was a hi-tech expensive kettle, but it’s still just a stupid thing for boiling water! I’d even throw in a free Hound. Or the coffee table? It’s a bloody ugly lump of wood!
And don’t you remember that your wife was JUST as awkward and argued just as many times about just as many stupid, tiny things? Don’t you remember the many many silly proposals she made?
And don’t you remember the times (the many many times) when you BOTH did IDIOTIC things to make our life hard? Do you remember her pulling up the carpets and apparently managing to sell them? Don’t you remember having your Mercedes sold for parts? The Hounds would have eaten you both but even they were laughing at you.
And don’t you remember your PARENTS suing for custody of the children? And don’t you remember HER parents hiding things at their house and physically assaulting the bailiffs? I don’t know what got into them but considering the gene pool they’re emerging from I think it might be best to kill the kids now.
And don’t you remember the times (the many many times) when you changed your mind and all of the settlement was set back to square one? Don’t you remember the times (the many many times) we had to move court dates and appointments?
Didn’t you realise that your divorce has actually taken longer than I’ve been working here as an associate. Don’t you realise that the lawyer who WAS handling your case has actually RETIRED? Didn’t you understand the significance of my praying for strength every time you came through the door? Didn’t you realise that when the judge’s jaw DROPS that’s actually a bad sign. If he weren’t so shocked he would have fed you to the judicial Hounds. Do you know he actually took me and my opposite number out for a drink because he was amazed at what we went through?
And then you wonder at the cost?
Yes, I am glad the whole thing is over now. Yes, it has taken years.
Yes that is our bill. Why yes, it is rather expensive, I did inform you in detail about the cost.
Why is it so high? Well don’t you remember the times (the many many times) I told you that your proposal wouldn’t succeed and would just cost money?
And don’t you remember the times (the many many times) when your refusal to accept my simple explanations meant that a 20 minute interview turned into a 2 hour one?
And don’t you remember the times (the many many times) that you actually REFUSED to believe me and demanded I consult counsel?
And don’t you remember the times (the SO many many times) that you squabbled with your wife over the tiniest little thing? You argued about the KETTLE man. The bloody KETTLE?! I’d have BOUGHT you a kettle if I thought I was going to have to make 4 phone calls negotiating custody of a damn kettle. Sure, it was a hi-tech expensive kettle, but it’s still just a stupid thing for boiling water! I’d even throw in a free Hound. Or the coffee table? It’s a bloody ugly lump of wood!
And don’t you remember that your wife was JUST as awkward and argued just as many times about just as many stupid, tiny things? Don’t you remember the many many silly proposals she made?
And don’t you remember the times (the many many times) when you BOTH did IDIOTIC things to make our life hard? Do you remember her pulling up the carpets and apparently managing to sell them? Don’t you remember having your Mercedes sold for parts? The Hounds would have eaten you both but even they were laughing at you.
And don’t you remember your PARENTS suing for custody of the children? And don’t you remember HER parents hiding things at their house and physically assaulting the bailiffs? I don’t know what got into them but considering the gene pool they’re emerging from I think it might be best to kill the kids now.
And don’t you remember the times (the many many times) when you changed your mind and all of the settlement was set back to square one? Don’t you remember the times (the many many times) we had to move court dates and appointments?
Didn’t you realise that your divorce has actually taken longer than I’ve been working here as an associate. Don’t you realise that the lawyer who WAS handling your case has actually RETIRED? Didn’t you understand the significance of my praying for strength every time you came through the door? Didn’t you realise that when the judge’s jaw DROPS that’s actually a bad sign. If he weren’t so shocked he would have fed you to the judicial Hounds. Do you know he actually took me and my opposite number out for a drink because he was amazed at what we went through?
And then you wonder at the cost?