"Experience" day

[sparkindarkness]

Today was full of activity. See, for Yule this year I bought padre one of these “Experience” days - largely because the man is nigh impossible to shop for and there is a limit to how much booze you can gift wrap.

Basically these days involve you going and doing something you’ve always wanted to do but never got the chance - lots of things from bungee jumping to pilot lessons etc etc etc. So I got padre a day driving around in a fast shiny car. This, of course, comes with a duty to attend and watch him zoom around in a fast shiny car.

Well this zoomy car-ness takes place near York. This isn’t a problem. What is a problem is padre ringing, from his car, to tell me he was setting off and to ask whether I had set off. The time? 10:00. The time when the zoominess started? 1:15. Time taken to travel to York? About 1:30 at most. He seemed rather put out when i pointed out I could get almost to LONDON in the time he was allotting for a trip to York. This explains everything you need to know about Padre’s planning for unnecessary contingencies.

When we arrived there I found myself surrounded by aliens. Or so it seemed. Because I just don’t UNDERSTAND these people. I don’t understand why ANYONE would drive a car in a circle, let alone apparently enjoy themselves doing it. I just don’t. You drive a car to get from a to b. Upon arriving at b you get out of car happy that your journey has been fast and comfortable. To drive a car and NOT GO ANYWHERE is like cooking gourmet food and not eating it. But they’re all there gasping about “speed” Who cares about speed? You are literally going nowhere fast! And power? Who needs power, you are moving 2 people round in a circle, where’s the power? *is bemused*. And at peak times in summer these people charge £45 per LAP for the pleasure of going round and round in circles? Yes, it’s round and round in circles in a Lamborghini or a Ferrari but it still boggles me. I just can’t fit this into my mind in a way that makes sense. Still I made the appropriate noises while surrounded by the crazy people, especially since padre was over-the-moon with childish excitement and delight.

Not that I don’t like these cars. I think I could quite happily set up a small shrine for the Aston Martin DB9. Not because it’s fast or it’s power or any of that crap. No, because it’s pretty. It’s freaking beautiful. It’s like driving around in a super model. It’s an orgasm on wheels yet manages to ooze class and style. Yes, I want one of those. I’d never DRIVE it. I’d just kind of keep it on the drive and drool over it (I don’t even want it as a status symbol because that’s a hella kind of stupid dick-size competition that no sensible adult should partake in). I just want to be able to stare at it and own it like an exquisite artwork. It’s waaay better than Lamborghini and the Ferrari, they’re fancy and tarted up all jazzy, but they don’t have the sheer CLASS of the Aston Martin.

Oh and as a bonus there was one of those burger vans there. It’s weird, but am I the only one who thinks if you want the BEST BURGERS EVAH you want to go to these wonderful portable vans since the burgers are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than any fast food attempt?

And it was an airfield. HUUUGE open space with massive WIND. Perfect wind. Never has my hair been so annoying and looked so cool.

Still, padre enjoyed himself and I wasn’t nearly as bored as I thought I would be. And I got to see the shinies. However I have a note of things I am not allowed to do if I ever attend such an event again (so announced by Beloved):

1) Discuss carbon footprints, hybrid cars and fuel efficiency with anyone. ESPECIALLY not the nice race driver in the Ferrari (he was cute though).

2) Not sing the Mercedes advert (Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?) next to the Porsches.

3) Not to speculate as to the result of loosing a wheel near the crowd of eager nervous people.

4) Not to speculate about the cost of petrol, insurance, car tax etc to the people indulging in the fantasies of owning and running these things.

5) Not to ask to fly one of the planes in the air museum next door.

6) Not to complain that there’s no way you could fit a big shop at Tescos in the boot. Or ask how it’s supposed to get over a speed bump.

I’m just so annoyingly practical at times :)

Comments

[tanarill.livejournal.com]

Because I work for Gigantic Car Company, I am obligated not to say that I would so buy me a Bentley. Only I very much would. Those cars are gorgeous. Also, everyone's favorite demon drives one ;)

Also, there are certain people, like my grandmother, who would disagree. Cars get you from point A to point B at either the speed limit or 45 miles an hour, whichever is slower. Just mentioning.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Bentleys are beautiful but even most millionaires would balk at the price! But if I had inifnite funds? Nah, my green conscience would have screaming shit fits if I did...


Weeeel it's faster than walking. Not much faster. But technically faster

[solid-squid.livejournal.com]

You get the same sort of thing with computers actually. People talking about their 8Ghz quad core processer with umpty-million gigs of ram and liquid nitrogen cooling. They aren't too fond of the question "but what use would it be anyway?" either. Plus they lack the ability to go even 1 MPH :p

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Beloved is one of those computer penis people. "look at my new quadcore computer!" why? The old computer did everything you needed it to "but it's faster" but you don't NEED faster

It's likke talking a foreign language to them

[solid-squid.livejournal.com]

Yes, it goes faster, but the programs it runs are already at full speed. I suppose it's not really any different to having a car that goes 200mph when you can only go 70 at most on the roads. You know it can go faster, even if you never get to try it out

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

this is what gets me. Beloved keeps offering to make me a new computer, I point out that my computer already runs WoW at maximum speed and can download a fair bit else at the same time - why do I need a faster computer? i could be speaking swahili.

[mrmeval.livejournal.com]

Do you have something you buy that other people think you're nuts to buy. ;)

I was that way with my computer. I can say this one is the one I bought in pieces 16 years ago.

It became unimportant at some point and other hobbies took over. Now I can't even figure out what to upgrade this to!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Not at all. All my purchases are pefectly sensible. i need that Versace, damn it.


See, that is what Beloved does! But more often! It drives me mad mad mad mad! He will discover a new hobby and LOVE IT SO MUCH! And then he goes out and buys the best stuff EVER for the hobby (so if he takes up painting he has a full 890 pigment set in oils and genuine Italian master canvas) then 2 weeks later he as a NEW hobby that he MUST MUST MUST buy the BEST things for and the old stuff is just forgotten

[mrmeval.livejournal.com]

It's sad because actually progressing and finishing projects is a rush even bigger than that fascinated buying of stuff, the shopping daze. But everyone does it to some extent. ;)

[suryaofvulcan.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing you're not a big fan of the motor racing then?

3) Not to speculate as to the result of loosing a wheel near the crowd of eager nervous people.

Anyone who's spent any time around a race track should be well aware of the danger of flying debris.

2) Not sing the Mercedes advert (Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?) next to the Porsches.

Hee. This cracked me up.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Gah no, no sport that doesn't ionvolve nearly naked men cvan hold my attention for long

EXACTLY! It was a public service



It didn't crack up the nice porsche driver :)

[zero_pixel_count]

...see, I *am* from a motorsport background - and we *still* mock the race-guys for going round in circles.

(I must confess I am totally buzzed right now on account of getting a good clear run on the back roads from Leicester to Northampton. Vix drives to get from A to B, and considers the driving to be an annoying part of her job; I hold that driving fast is a viable alternative to therapy, and wish I got more opportunities...)

also, ref. point 6 - the car I'm in love with (A Ginetta G15 which is up on blocks in dad's garden) has no boot at all. None. The engine's in the back and the fuel tank's in the front... And I still love that car, ghastly yellow paint job and all. (Actually, I take it back about the yellow. Papa is currently painting damn near everything he owns turquoise. With orange wheels. Bananna yellow is a nice subdued colour.)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Now, that's different. Because you got a good clear run from A to B. YoU WENT somewhere. Driving somewhere and arriving quickly? Totally behind that and I can get the speed thrill when I'm driving

Yello paint job and n o boot and possibly turquoise and orange?


Dear gods preserve me!

[zero_pixel_count]

But even on a stage rally, these days one generally winds up in approximately the same part of the world as one started... But it's still fun!

...and yeah. I don't know *where* the latest colour scheme came from. The *house* is very tasteful, which I presume must be my mother's influence....

The Ginetta is PRETTY. (the one in the picture isn't ours, but it's the same year and colour).

The new colour scheme even looks alright on the Mk1 Escort. Sort of 'period'. It just looks hideously out-of-place on a Nova...

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

I'd prefer to be able to drive really really fast while getting from point A to point B, but if I can't do that, there is just something amazing about going really really fast. Even if it is around in a circle. Circle is sub-optimal, but will do in a pinch.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Aye because then I get there sooner. And speed thrill? I get. But speed thrill and going nowhere and paying copious amounts of money for the privilege? Looost.

[semiotic-pirate.livejournal.com]

my day is now complete, I've read some sparky goodness.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Heeee, my work is done :)

I have to disagree

[mrmeval.livejournal.com]

I just bought someone a freezer full of meat. It was easy to gift wrap.

Sit freezer in driveway and remove packing. Plug it in. Put in meat. Put bow on freezer. Pay the armed guard to wait till they get home. ;)

You could be a dear and buy them a nice refrigerator with a tap set so they can have a couple of cold kegs on tap. Depening on the fridge you can jam at least two in there. ;) Just remember the big red bow.

Re: I have to disagree

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I have an uncle (well, not quite. He's my great grandfather's grandson, but it works out as uncle more or less) who has a small holding and he sends out HUGE loads of meat. Last year he let me draw on his pig (cute little Porkchop) the bits I wanted (using bodypaint so the pig could eat it). He doesn't send freezers though because we're all big fans of chest freezers so another freezer would be silly

My mother? She would kill me. Her fridge is always full of booze as it is

Re: I have to disagree

[mrmeval.livejournal.com]

I understand. It has to be by stealth then. I propose refillable ultraquiet refrigerated kegs shaped like ottoman. No one suspects the ottoman except the germans.

You are lucky to have ready access to a farm. I foresee high quality meat becoming as expensive to purchase as it was in the 40s based on purchase power. As low as to dollar *will* get we'll be exporting it. :/

Ack genealogy! It can be distressing if the tree looks like an Eisher painting.

Re: I have to disagree

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Stealth ottomans! very useful for storing things peopel thought they had convinced you to throw away!

Heh, I'll stick to the pound and euro thanks, it's not doing great, but it's not quite that bad yet. But just in case I will stalk his new pigs and paint out the bits I want


Ack don't get me starte don the family tree. the crazy has no limits.

[logophilos.livejournal.com]

I’m just so annoyingly practical at times :)

It's a wonder no one backed over you accidentally on purpose a few times. Tut tut :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I sdtayed behind the barriers, they can't touch me :)

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

Hubby calls those burger vans "Gut Trucks"

Also, making those comments was mean. And very amusing.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

But they're sooooooo lovely

[amynnah.livejournal.com]

I loves me my little Chevy Cavalier (yeah... it's an American car... I wanted a Toyota Hybrid but my dad shot that idea down... ::sighs::), due to the uber-gas mileage I get on it. It's not -quite- as good as a hybrid, but I'm only filling it up every other week as opposed to every week (and at $40 per fillup... it's getting damned expensive. More expensive than my internet bill).

Most people around here are putting $50 + per week into their cars... and people are still driving massive road tanks (I hate Humvees). As it is... I'm looking at a good bike once my tax-return comes back.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I always give Americans the evil eye when they com,plain about petrol prices because you have NOOOOO idea how much petrol can cost you :) We're paying the equivalent (mind rusty maths converting litres to gallons and pounds to dollars) of $9.00 per gallon


These people in their tanks? I do not get it. the money they waste is just utterly insane. No-one NEEDS something like that. Why waste so much? It's like a giant temple to waste.