A dilemma of Nana Wrangling

[sparkindarkness]

As has been said, one of the major sources of stress in my (and the family’s) life at the moment is my elderly grandmother’s descent into the extra craziness. Alright, she’s never been especially sane, even as a young woman, but age has eroded her sanity down year by year until she has become the extremely irrational and difficult person she is today. So, anything to help in this avenue helps a lot of the family.

Now here’s the issue du jour she has raised:

Nana drinks. She always has. It’s always been part of the culture of the community she is/was a party of. Everyone drank and everyone drank spirits (whiskey and brandy). her mother drank, her father drank etc etc etc. Drinking is the norm. Regular drinking is the norm and we never really concerned ourselves.

However, it has come to our attention that her regular drinking involves several people shopping for her and that she has emptied a full bottle of brandy and one of whiskey in 10 days. Needles to say this is rather a copious amount for a 4’ 10” little old lady to be consuming. How much of the craziness is actually drunkenness and how much is the high alcohol consumption contributing to her mental decline? It's being wrangled back and forth since Christmas and frankly I'm getting ready to suppoprt anything if we can just move on from it

So here is the dilemma and options proposed by the family:



1) Intervention. (the reasonable) We sit down with Nana and say “you have a problem but we’re judging you from a place of love, you know we’re doing this for your own... blah blah blah.” I’m sure we know how this goes. We explain that we don’t want her to drink so much and ask her to cut down etc.
Pros: Treats Nana with relative respect as a reasonable adult.
Cons: Utterly doomed to failure. She ISN’T a reasonable adult. She’s a compulsive liar, extremely touchy, extremely defensive and inclined to forget any conversation 10 minutes after she’s had it. We could have an agonising, emotion laden, painful conversation with her and 5 minutes later she will say “can you get me a bottle of whiskey.” We’ve gently told her Uncle Len is dead 3 times now, each time enduring grief and tears and each time she has forgotten. I’ve come out to the woman at least a dozen times!
Con If she IS an alcoholic, do we really want to force her into withdrawl? She’s not strong enough for that

(The Unreasonable). Nana cannot shop by herself. She’s 80% blind, 80% deaf and 9,000,000% crazy. If we, as a family, refuse to buy her alcohol then she won’t get any. It’s that simple.
Pros: Guaranteed to be effective.
Cons: She’s 88 years old. An adult. We shop to help her, NOT to police her like parents over a naughty child. This is an incredibly disrespectful and undignified thing to do to her
Counter She ISN’T an adult. Sure, in actual age she is, but not in mental age. She is treated like a naughty child who can’t look after herself because she CAN’T look after herself. Old age has robbed her of her dignity, not us.
Con Just because she can’t shop doesn’t mean she won’t try. She’s already been found wandering wearing a vest and an underskirt... do we want to give her more motivations to wander?
Con Withdrawl again

2) Ignore it. We pretend it isn’t a problem. She’s 88 years old, 89 this year. If you can’t succumb to your vices and ignore your health at 89 then when can you? Frankly, if it improves her quality of life and enjoyment of life then we shouldn’t stop it - even if the cost may be shortening it (especially considering her continued decline which means an extended life may, frankly, not be a blessing). In her current state it remains one of her few pleasures and it is a pleasure she relishes in.
Pro: We don’t have to do anything or deal with the problems
Pro: It lets her make her own choice.
Con Part of her extreme decline may be BECAUSE of the alcohol consumption. She may be happier/more sensible/easier to deal with if she cuts down
Con The root of this argument boils down to “she’ll be dead soon anyway.” That is an unacceptable motive nor one I think we could live with with an easy conscience when she does die.

3) Deception. Nana’s sense of taste is... limited. She can hardly be said to have a delicate palate. It shouldn’t be too difficult to water down her bottles without her realising. She still enjoys herself while cutting down.
Pro: She will still be happy (ignorant of any change in fact)
Pro: Achieves the cut down with minimal fuss
Con: Again, she is an adult - what right do we have to make this decision for her? I know I’d be hella pissed if I found out people were watering down my drinks.
Con Will she just drink more because her happy juice isn’t working so well?


So, I’m torn. I keep feeling vaguely inclined to agree with 3, but it still doesn’t feel right to force that on her and maybe leaving her content with her own consumption would be the better option. I just don’t know and don’t know how to convince everyone else.

Comments

[snuck.livejournal.com]

I guess another question in all this (which you've probably already debated) is the one around... does granma have to give up spirits? Is it really doing any real harm? Sure... she's drinking a bit, but she's clearly not blind drunk falling all over the place either... and she probably has a heck of a tolerance.

So... maybe a bit of option 3, and a bit of 'leave her alone' would work? Don't water it down horrifically, but a bit, so she's not consuming quite so much, and buy the lower proof ones?

And leave her to it. if she's a crotchety old woman now, I'm sure that the lack of booze isn't going to change it... how many standard drinks in a bottle of brandy and a bottle of whisky? Over ten days, how many is that?

And sure... gang up and make sure that you've got a deal across the family of who is getting her stuff, but include neighbours etc if they are likely to be co opted in too... but reality? How much is she drinking, is it bad for her, and so long as you've got some measure of control (deception/spreading the buys around/lying shows she knows she shouldn't drink so much :P) to keep her this side of toxically inebriated... let the woman have her pleasure!

My nan was told to go on a low cholesterol diet... because her cholesterol was 'a little' high - a little being... normal for an adult, cautionary for a person in their 80s... she was 92. She ignored the advice... why at the grand old age of 92 would you stop having butter on bread just because your cholesterol was one or two points high? The pleasure of her food vs living a whole month longer? :P She died a peaceful death at 94, which wasn't related to cholesterol :P

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure whether it causes real harm or not atm. She is frequently incoherent - and sometimes I KNOW she is drunk. But I don't know whether said random incoherency is caused by drunkeness or senility and dad's reluctance to take her to the doctor means we're unlikely to find out

I think we need to lower it slightly at least because even if the drunkenness isn't the main cause of her incoherency it certainly can't help

She's been having a bare minimum of 3 stiff doubles every day - and that's minimum. It is rather too much and I don't know how much of the insane crotchetyness is DUE to the alcohol. Certainly she couldn't go cold turkey... but I think watering may be the solution

Aye we'll have to draw the neighbours in whatever happens.

I agree with your Nan and generally think the same - why reduce quality of life, especially in a life that doesn't have that much quality - for the sake of a few months?

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

I'd go for 3 as well. I'm assuming putting her into a nursing home or assisted living facility, where she probably wouldn't get any alcohol, isn't an option.

::sigh:: And an argument that might help you and might not. If old age has robbed her of her dignity, why shouldn't her family try to help her regain it? What problems is the alcohol masking or distracting from? Is strictly mental/emotional, or is she trying to relieve physical pain or illness as well?

::HUGS::

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Sadly no. It would probably help but she becomes EXTREMELY agitated at the slightest suggestion. She won't even go to day centres or community centres. Dad believes (and I agree) that it would probably kill her

I don't think there's any extra problems per se that it's hiding (though there may be, which is a problem) because she is, to be blunt, an extreme whiny whimp when it comes to even the slightest possible discomfort. If she was masking pain, we'd know. Oh gods we'd know.

What concerns me is that her ever decaying senility (which runs in cycles, some days fine, some days not) may be DOWN to her being actually drunk at the time

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

Is the idea of getting her to a good doctor and letting them make an estimation of whether the drinking is part of the problem an option?

Of course, these are doctors. The reaction *will* be noncommittal, unless it's "definitely stop her from drinking immediately".

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Sadly yes, for a few reasons:
1) Her doctor is a good doctor.... if you are young. If you are over 80 he tends to be very dismissive. I like him not.
Despite that family and Nana like him a LOT.
2) Nana and dad are both opposed to going to see the doctor, Nana because she thinks he'll put her in a home and dad because he thinks he'll tell him something that will force him to try and put her in a home. I am exasperated by the whole "head in sand" attitude of the pair of them, but I don't have the power to overrule them.

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

Side Note: I don't really see "she'll be dead soon" as a con; rather it is a pretty hard and fast fact at this point. (Assuming you count 5-10 years as soon, at least.)

If she were my grandmother, I'd sit down and try to figure out just how much she's drinking. Are we taking 6 shots a day? 1 largish glass of whiskey at night? If it's less than 2 drinks a day, I'd leave her alone and consider getting a doctor to evaluate her.

If it's more than that, DO get a doctor to evaluate her, determine how much of her dementia is the booze and how much of it is old age, and then decide. If it's mostly old age, give her the booze. If it's the booze, stage the intervention and then just cut her off.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Aye, but it is a convenient excuse to ignore what could be a severe problem

We're talking a minimum of 3 stiff doubles a day - probably more like 4-5. So it's a fair amount

I don't know if the doctor's the best idea (as explained above) but that is the question - how much is senility, how much is alcohol?

[rampagingturtle.livejournal.com]

As painful as it may be, I'd dispense with all the "she's an adult" arguments. If she's doing so poorly that she's forgetting things like people being dead and she's wandering around dressed inappropriately, it's pretty clear that she does not have the capacity to make her own decisions regarding her well-being. Given that it's also unlikely that her ability to make decisions is going to improve under the present circumstances, an intervention would be pointless and ignoring the situation would be irresponsible, potentially dangerously so. Option three seems the only practical route, and all things considered I don't see it as being any more morally questionable that the parents of a sweets-mad toddler not telling the munchkin that they just bought sugar-free sweets.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Aye, it's hard to hold in the mind, but she isn't an adult, not really, not any more. She can't make her own decisions, but it's damn hard to convince her of that

I think option 3 is the way to go. I just hope w eget the balance right

[buddykat.livejournal.com]

Another option: make one person (and ONLY one person) responsible for buying her alcohol. This way you can more effectively monitor (and if needed, control) her consumption.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Ummm... if we're watering down the booze I want to be involved because I don't trust the other muppets to do it right think I may be the most sensible about it

[logophilos.livejournal.com]

::pause for obligatory scolding of the sparky for not being in bed::

Oh, this is all so very familiar. Mother-in-law, 89, drinks pretty much the same way, is even the same height, same family arguments etc. Only difference is that she's been formally diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but like your Nan, she was so crazy all her life it was rather hard to tell.

Anyway, for what it's worth (and I have to say, the m-i-l still drinks, so nothing that was tried stopped her):

1. Cutting her off - do NOT do this unless you have a doctor supervising. Very dangerous.

2. Watering it down - hard work, and if she catches you, you'll fuel her paranoia and sneakiness and cause her a lot of upset (as is did with my m-i-l). Not worth it really. She's drinking to get drunk. She will just drink more.

3. Leaving her to it. Only option really BUT you should see if she's suffering from (a) depression (very likely) or (b) Alzheimer's. There might be other options to making her feel better. BUT people of that age do not like to admit to mental illness and would prefer to drink because that's socially acceptable, whereas anti-depressants to her would mean admitting she had a problem.

In other words - you can't do much but just minimise the pain to her family (keeping the vulnerable away and explaining what's causing the nastiness), keep her safe, and see if you can get other treatment for what's really wrong. But at her age, trying to treat her for either alcoholism or depression is probably just going to be more trouble than benefit to her.

Poor old thing. And poor old you and the rest of your family. It just sucks.

[logophilos.livejournal.com]

oh - one thing that might help if she continues to drink. See if her doctor will give her a Vitamin B shot, and monitor her diet. Often women like this have a poor diet, which plays merry hell with their concentration and cognitive ability. At least get her onto multivitamins, extra Vit. B and whatever else they recommend for alcoholics - and if you're talking to the doctor, you have to be blunt about that.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

We have her on multi-vitamins and mum cooks all her food for her, so I'm confident her diet is good. Of course, she throws half her dinner to the birds then snacks on cakes and sausage rolls if we don't keep an eye on her *eye roll* it's like looking after a 5 year old sometimes.

We DID notice that in the not too distant past that she wasn't drinking enough (actual non-alcoholic liquid) and she got better when people kept forcing drinks on her.

[logophilos.livejournal.com]

Dehydration is a huge problem in elderly women, so at the very least, that needs to be watched.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

See, Beloved said I should be in bed all day too. And I agreed. But then we realised you probably meant resting.

Sadly Nana hasn't been formally diagnosed with anything because a) her doctor's a prat (sadly, I'm the only one who thinks so) and b) Nana and dad are both running scared of doctors. This also means getting a doctor involved is going to be hard. Very very hard.

I really don't want her to go into any kind of withdrawl, she's not strong enough for it. I don't know if she is drinking to get drunk, most days she isn't actually drunk (some days she is) but we can't tell if she is impaired every day because there's no real way of knowing if it's drunk crazy or crazy crazy. She drinks daily but not usually enough to get drunk - I wonder if she is thinking "I'll only have 1-2" and then forgets she's had one (she does this with medication - or did this before we stepped in).

She would never admit to mental illness but she'll merrily take pills. Any pills. For any ailment. Or even for no ailment. In fact it's an eternal battle to stop her taking 20-40 paracetamol a day (used to be co-codamol) and we only won THAT one because I introduced her to the joys of Galaxy Minstrels.

The only reaon I'm not considering it just something we have to put up with from her and accept as a devastatingly sad part of old age (because, as you said, treatment can cause more harm than good) is the idea that the alcohol may be making her worse FASTER or that she is only as bad as she is BECAUSE she's tipsy/drunk most of the time (I'm not saying she'd be perfect without it - far from it - but she has lucidish cycles - we may struggle for more of them)

It does. Old Age is very very very cruel

[logophilos.livejournal.com]

But then we realised you probably meant resting.

Far be it from me to interfere with what makes you feel good :)

The only other things i can think of without a decent doctor is contacting some kind of alcohol charity for advice. But I think it might just be a case of supporting her body with good diet and liquids, making sure she doesn't overload her liver with paracetamol(!!!!!) and that kind of thing. (She must have the liver of a horse!) And just support those who have to watch it, like your poor Dad :(

No easy answers, as you already know. Bugger.

[meridae.livejournal.com]

Okay, here's my opinion, coming from, as you know, the experience of dealing with my equally (by the sound of it) 91 year old grandfather.

I don't think that any option that treats your nana as a rational, normally functioning adult is going to work, because as you've already figured out, she is no longer any of those things - my grandad isn't either, and it's for that reason as much as the physical that he's in a resthome, is no longer allowed free access to his bank accounts, and is no longer allowed to make solo decisions on issues of medical consent. Your nana is at a stage of mental ability that not only should you not feel guilty about taking certain choices from her, you should feel guilty about it if you DIDN'T limit her choices.

So, my first piece of advice is to be prepared to make the decision for your nana - drinking is bad for her, she's not in a place where she can make informed decisions about that fact, therefore it's up to you and your family to do it for her.

My second piece of advice almost contradicts the first - it would be my concern that removing or cutting down the amount of alcohol that a woman who has been drinking all her life consumes could cause as much damage as it fixes - if you take the booze away, she may actually become mentally worse, because her body and brain can just no longer function with out it. My question would be just how much the amount she's drinking is a problem - is she violent? Hurting herself or others? Wandering the streets with no clothes on? Is it really necessary to cut down the alcohol at all if she's safe and free from harm? I know large amounts of alcohol aren't good for anyone, but she's 88 years old - what's the likelihood that the booze will get her before age does? (That's what my family asks when the question of whether to treat Grandad's possible cancers arises).

If you do decide that yes, the alcohol consumption is harmful and contributing to her decline, I'd go with the two options that cut her down gradually without letting her know - use her muddleheadedness against her . . make sure your family coordinates, designate one person as 'booze buyer' so no one else buys it, and then whenever she asks say "But nana,

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Okay, here's my opinion, coming from, as you know, the experience of dealing with my equally (by the sound of it) 91 year old grandfather.

I don't think that any option that treats your nana as a rational, normally functioning adult is going to work, because as you've already figured out, she is no longer any of those things - my grandad isn't either, and it's for that reason as much as the physical that he's in a resthome, is no longer allowed free access to his bank accounts, and is no longer allowed to make solo decisions on issues of medical consent. Your nana is at a stage of mental ability that not only should you not feel guilty about taking certain choices from her, you should feel guilty about it if you DIDN'T limit her choices.

So, my first piece of advice is to be prepared to make the decision for your nana - drinking is bad for her, she's not in a place where she can make informed decisions about that fact, therefore it's up to you and your family to do it for her.

My second piece of advice almost contradicts the first - it would be my concern that removing or cutting down the amount of alcohol that a woman who has been drinking all her life consumes could cause as much damage as it fixes - if you take the booze away, she may actually become mentally worse, because her body and brain can just no longer function with out it. My question would be just how much the amount she's drinking is a problem - is she violent? Hurting herself or others? Wandering the streets with no clothes on? Is it really necessary to cut down the alcohol at all if she's safe and free from harm? I know large amounts of alcohol aren't good for anyone, but she's 88 years old - what's the likelihood that the booze will get her before age does? (That's what my family asks when the question of whether to treat Grandad's possible cancers arises).

If you do decide that yes, the alcohol consumption is harmful and contributing to her decline, I'd go with the two options that cut her down gradually without letting her know - use her muddleheadedness against her . . make sure your family coordinates, designate one person as 'booze buyer' so no one else buys it, and then whenever she asks say "But nana, <insert random family member's name> already bought you some, it's in the cupboard" . . . and five minutes later she'll have forgotten and hopefully won't worry about it. Watering it down is a good idea too - then you can give her one watered bottle and produce a second when she asks for it etc.

Lastly, before you start cutting her down, I'd consult her doctor and tell he/she what you're planning on doing, and get some idea of how fast/how much it's safe and viable to cut her down by, so you don't do any further damage.

I know it's hard, I know you want to regard your nana as a rational, functioning adult, but you know she's not . . . hell, I'm only 33 and when *I'm* not functioning properly (as per the last week or so) and making rational adult decisions, the mental health professionals around me have no problem pointing that out and acting on it - and they don't feel bad for doing so either. You may even have to consider whether it's safe for Nana to be living on her own if she's wandering off half dressed - she may not want to go into a rest home, and you may not want her to go, but it'll only take one random car in the middle of the night when she's wandering around to make everyone regret that decision. You need to balance what she wants and what preserves her sense of self-determination and dignity with what keeps her safe and comfortable and in the best mental and physical health possible.

I don't envy you this decision - Grandad made it easy on us by deciding by himself that it was best if he and Mum went into a rest home . . . but every now and then he demands to know why I put him there and if he can get a place of his own and why he can't have his money when he wants it. He also forgets with great regularity that my mother and my grandmother (his wife) are dead - at least twice a month, I'd say, I have to tell him once again that either one or both of them is dead, and like your nana, it's new and fresh to him each and every time, which makes it heart wrenching for me too.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Aye senilty experiences together :?

Aye, logically i know she’s as dependent as a child and can’t have these choices - but on some level I’ve got to force that through my head that, no, we casn’t just talk about it or explain it to her

I am concerned about the damage withdrawl can do to her - I certainly don’t want her to get any worse which is certainly a possibility. Still I think we can cut her down - carefully. She does get violent sometimes, and certainly ornery. She has been found wandering half dressed and being rather incoherent. Sure the alcohol may not kill her before age does - we’re not worried so much on that score (at least I’m not) so much as the mental degeneration the alcohol may be causing

Sadly she will enver even remotely consider a rest home of any kind. It would be the best palce for her but it won’t happen

[meridae.livejournal.com]

"Sadly she will enver even remotely consider a rest home of any kind. It would be the best palce for her but it won’t happen"

See, there's the thing - in that very sentence you're clearly saying that you *haven't* gotten it into your head at all that she can't make those choices herself. She may not consider a rest home - but it may come to the point where you and your family take that decision out of her hand and she has to go in no matter what she wants. I'm not saying you should suddenly stop taking into consideration what she wants . . . but if she's violent, ornery and is found wandering the streets half dressed, it may get to the point that you HAVE to put her in a secure unit in a rest home no matter what she wants, because that is the best and the only thing for you to do. And I'm not actually just saying that from the pov of a grandaughter, I'm also saying it from pov of a person whose psych nurses keep trying to put me places I don't want to go because even though they don't want to, they know they have to. I'm sorta on both sides of the equation. It's not easy, and it's never going to be easy . . . but it's better than nana being squished under a truck.

One thing you may want to think about is that it would be easier for nana to go into a rest home *now* when perhaps she wouldn't have to go into a secure unit that deals with the very senile, than wait and wait and wait until there's no choice and you don't get much option of where she goes - chances are if you act now before it's necessary you'll get her somewhere nicer than if you leave it until your hand is forced.

I have utmost sympathy for your dilemmna and I'm heartily glad my grandad went into his rest home without a big fight and is now safely settled there, identifies it as home, and feels secure and comfortable there.

[being-here.livejournal.com]

Heh. Sounds exactly like what happened with my nana's gran - except everyone only found out when she died (I think she died at the grand old age of 93).

As to what the best answer is... I'm not sure. My own feeling would be to let the situation continue, but that's just a personal feeling. You've looked at it from the idea that the drinking is contributing to the mental decline - which it may be - but she might be drinking more because her confusion frightens her and the symptoms are less noticeable under a haze of drunkenness. Sort of a self medication thing. If she stops drinking she won't just face withdrawal, but she'll have to come to terms with her illness - and with the family deaths that she may want to block out.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

See, that's the problem. I may just be clinging to hoep that it IS the alcohol, because it is that's something we can fix. Sure she'll never be sane - but if she's better? That would help a whole lot. But it may just be wishful thinking

[jrho.livejournal.com]

My great-grandmother is 105. She has a full time assistant because she can't take care of herself. The only reason she's limited to two glasses of scotch a day is because she's an abusive drunk. Her doctor has said she needs to go to a lower cholesterol, lower fat diet with no alcohol, but really, that's the diet that got her to 105 in the first place.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Aye, i#'d not consider it for long life - more for an easier life

[cally7.livejournal.com]

At nearly 89? Let her have her bottle. We have a dipso in the flats. She could knock you over with her breath most days. She is harmless, lives mostly in a fantasy world, says things to me that my husband is supposed to have said to her that are frankly ridiculous.

We just nod and say ok and carry on. My husband used to get pissed off at her but in the end I asked what the point of getting upset at was. The more you get upset at her the more fuel she has to pass around pure bollocks in gossip. We never fuel her so she is stymied with us.

I understand where you are coming from, 3 might just be the only option.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I';m inclined to agree, her health isn';t the issue. i just wonder if we may get more common sense out of her without her sozzled.

But I may go to3... not easy but needs must

[cally7.livejournal.com]

Sparky, I wish you all the luck in the world.

[ephemera.livejournal.com]

it's *hard* when people we care about are loosing touch with reality, especially when it's affecting their wellbeing. You can't really treat her as a rational adult when she's not functioning as such. I think the comment above that mentioned the diet and suppliments route may be onto something.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

It can be hard to rmemeber "it's not her any more, not really." You just have to remember it

[polarbee.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
Tough situation. The one observation I would make is that withdrawal from alcohol is one of the few withdrawals that can kill you. (Others just make you wish you could die). So I strongly suggest avoiding 2. She really doesn't sound strong enough to go through that. As others have said, watering her alcohol down or doing nothing seem like the only logical options.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Aye, and I don't thyink she's strong enouygh. Even if it weren't potentially lethal the stress of it would be no good to her

[suryaofvulcan.livejournal.com]

Dear Sparky

I sympathise with your problem, I really do. Having lived with an alcoholic, I did learn a few things:

1. Interventions don't really work unless the person is both rational and reasonable (ie, not something that applies to many addicts, let alone crazy, possibly senile ones), and is actually at (or nearly at) the point of wanting to change themselves. From what you've said, I don't think any of these apply to your grandma.

2. Policing someone else's drinking (either by deception or by cutting off the supply) is extremely difficult and tiring even when you live with them. It's also very unhealthy (mentally) for the person doing the policing - because when they fail (and they will) the drinking becomes their fault, in their mind and sometimes even that of others (rest of the family in your case). Plus, you not only have to police the drinker, you have to make sure no one else actually gives them booze, which is even more difficult and would involve making your nana's alcohol problem known to all possible carers, friends, neighbours etc. Do you really want to make it that public?

3. Because of the above, I believe the only practical option is to leave it alone. You and other members of your family can each make a personal decision not to supply her with booze, but you can't practically do anything to prevent others who either don't know about the problem or don't agree with your solution from doing so.

4. Does anyone have power of attorney for your nana? If so, the decision about what to do is really up to that person. If not, I'd get one in place pretty quick.

I'm really sorry to hear you're having this problem.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Intervention really seems less and less of an option. A vague hope at best

I think the neighbours are already well aware of her state so we're not overly concerned about telling them. And the whole family knows already. It helps in this case that she's not physically capable of doing her own shopping, we are her only source

Dad has power of attorney over her - because I drafted her will and made sure the clause was there and then triggered it a few years ago (as well as going through all the banks etc to let them know). Dad won't seek medical help, which is why we're going this route.

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

i'm with yeah...leaving it alone. she's going to need help and monitoring, but anything that screws with her intake at this point (including a lot of watering it down) is going to send her into withdrawal and no. you really, really Do Not Want That To Happen. a checkup's a good idea--monitoring her diet and environment, yes. arrangements should probably be made for regular assistance for her? but after watching a lot of family members age and pass on, i think everyone benefits from just keeping her safe and comfortable, and let her live out her days in peace. if she were to stop drinking the time for that was decades ago, not now. *hugs*

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I would be all for watering it down if it weren't for the fact that the wrong level can send all kinds of badness off. It's one of those things I'd trust myself to do for her but no-one else - and I don't have that option. I don't want to push it through as a solution to dad and then find out he's screwwed it up and put her in withdrawl.

I think she needs to be content more than she needs to be healthy. I jsut wonder if we couldn't all have things easier if she weren't hitting the bottle - or maybe that';s just wishful thinking

Ah well, *hugs* life will go on adn we can deal, we have so far