Restaurant snarkage

[sparkindarkness]

Went out to one of my favourite restaurants tonight. All its food tends to be very simple and British but it does cook them EXCEEDINGLY well. British food cooked to perfection? Heaven.

It was much fun, but Beloved has now rudely gone to sleep rather than staying awake and amusing my insomniac self. If he wakes me up early tomorrow I shall have to hurt him, and not in a nice way. However cuteness happened at dinner that needs must be reported:

Me: *cutting steak*
Beloved: Moooooo
Me: *ignores* *eats steak*
Beloved: Mooo, help he’s eating me, mooooooooo!
Me: *continues eating steak*
Beloved: Moooo I’m still alive! Help! Moooooo!
Me: Have you turned vegan or something?
Beloved: Your steak is still alive! Look, it twitched!
Me: It is cooked to perfection, THANK you. Just because I don’t have my meat reduced to charcoal
Beloved: It’s bleeding!
Me: It’s a DEAD ANIMAL. It’s SUPPOSED to bleed. That’s what corpses DO when you cut them unless you incinerate them first.
Beloved: Ugh, you’ve got blood all over your plate!
Me: So? What, you can happily consume muscle, organs and whatever they put in sausages, but blood is disgusting? You eat black pudding! *dips garlic bread in blood, eats with relish*
Beloved: Oh, that’s just horrible. You’re going to catch CJD and DIE and then I’ll be a widower and all alone and what will I do?
Me: Throw yourself on my funeral pyre in abject grief of course - I did put it in my will.
Beloved: I’ll be too busy spending your life insurance
Me: Fine, but all the meat at the funeral feast has to be rare. I’ll make it my dying wish! Haha!
Beloved: Hell no, I'm going to be in pain, I want everyone else to suffer as well - the funeral feast will contain nothing but tofu.
Me: Truly truly evil, I like it.

Comments

[logophilos.livejournal.com]

Poor Beloved. You seem to live to gross the sweet man out.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

But he's cuuuuuuute when he's freaking!

[buddykat.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I'm with Beloved... I like my meat cooked medium-well (NOT burnt).

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

If my meat doesn't oooooooooze lots of the lovely red stuff I'm disappointed

[buddykat.livejournal.com]

More for you.

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

I like my meat bloody as well. My own beloved doesn't taunt me quite as badly, but he always gives me this *look* when I order my meat "bloody" at a restaurant.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Peoploe who like charcoal bemuse me. Meat is supposed to bleed and be full of rich rich rich flavours

[arnaion.livejournal.com]

I work at a steak house. I look down upon guests who order anything over medium. And ordering medium is pushing it.

[chesh.livejournal.com]

I have to sneer at people who order a good steak "well-done." Such as my mother. In her defense, she went to Japan on a business trip and was taken out to a steakhouse when her stomach was still queasy from all the sushi and sashimi from lunch. She ordered Kobe beef, not realizing it would be served raw.

A few weeks back, I got some glorious blue cheese and a large bison ribeye. I had sawed off my bloody chunk of seared steak and was munching away happily when my fiance entered the kitchen and screeched, "Oh my God, you're trying to kill me, aren't you!" I said that I had been aiming for medium rare on his behalf, but the oven must have been a little cold. He proceeded to shudder at the bloody meat on my plate on throw his back on the broiler for a good fifteen minutes. The next day at work (I work at a food safety lab), we all mocked people who ruin good steaks with over-cooking.

[arnaion.livejournal.com]

and then you always have the "can I have some ketchup" people.

...damn ketchup...

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Ketchup? KETCHUP!?

I have a mebntal image of a tempremental French chef in his kitchen. The serving staff approach with great fear and whisper, in terror "Monsieur... they want ketchup..."

To which he wil respond "Qu'est-ils ont dit? KETCHUP? ARRRRRGH!" and charge out the kitchen with a huge meat cleaver.

IMO, asking for ANY sauces or seasonings in a restaurant (as opposed to a cafe) is an insult. The Chef has COOKED the food with ALL necessary seasonings to what HE considers to be an excellent standard. To season it is an insult to his cooking

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I liiiiiike Sushi and kobe beef. If the only way you can tell the difference between food and the living creature is how much it moves, I'm happy :)

Your fiance should have his meat confiscated and replaced with tofu. I propose a new rule for all overcookers of meat!

[tanarill.livejournal.com]

Sushi is very good, especially if you get really good Ootori. It's really dark red and just falls apart on your tongue . . .

I'd like to make the (minor) point that there are ways of making tofu delicious. They mostly involve adding fat and therefor flavor, but they exist. I am quite partial to sushi rice stuffed in a skin made of deep-fried tofu, for example. Thus, we must give the overcookers of meat raw tofu.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

See, everyone says Tofu can be delicious

But their methods always involve disguising the taste of tofu It's like me saying "I love rice cakes - slathered in honey and deep fried in batter then dipped in chocolate".

I think it's part of a tofu conspiracy. A tofupiracy!


Raw tofu would be so perfectly evil

[tanarill.livejournal.com]

That's because raw tofu lacks any sort of flavor whatsoever. You don't disguise the flavor; you give it flavor to start.

It is, of course >.> But don't tell <.<


Yes. Yes, it would.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that the chefs in places like that invest in a voodoo doll every time they hear the words "well done."

[mrmeval.livejournal.com]

So you're eating the manly man food of the gods? You confuse me.;)

Yes dripping red meat just found lying on the GROUND after a forest fire. The exterior roasted by nature to perfection!!! And the hunger after the brisk run to escape the fire just adds the old appetite.

I unfortunately have never experienced this but I can say that corn roasted by a chance fire on the stalk in the husk is maddening. You just can't get enough. Of course I didn't have to run or anything but I still chowed down. Having a barn burn down in a cornfield is awesome. I think the firemen were amused. I didn't share.

*gasp* I suppose that's vegan. I am so doomed.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I like to confuse people :). See, my shredded masculinity is redeemed! Redeemed I say!

And the gods just aren't good enough for my food! (is most picky)

That sounds fun in a neanderthal way, but the dirt would make me flap around crazily until it is cleaned, but nearly raw, fire seared meat is the BEST!

Corn must ALWAYS be barbequed or similar. It simply MUST. Flames make it the best thing EVAR! And being able to view a tragic fiure as an opportunity for munchies is good for the soul

[meridae.livejournal.com]

Personally, I would have just reminded him that HE twitches too when you eat him!

::evil heeheheh::

P.S. I like my meat medium rare to rare too - if it's not pink in the middle it's not worth eating.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Evil but oh so very very nice.


Aye, meat that doesn't bleed or isn't at least pink (pref red)? Is WASTED!

[tanarill.livejournal.com]

Mmm, Meat! I'm iking it a lot right now because of massive blood loss, and this entire meat-craving thing probably won't go away until a month after the remove bone marrow, but I like it all the time anyway.

There's currently about half a cow (or thereabouts) marinading in the fridge.

If I could eat it Raw (Judaism does not allow this, sadly) I would. Pink meat is yummy :D

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

See, with the marrow donation you'll have to eat much of the rare rare meat.
It's therapeutic!

I have eaten meat nearly raw before, there's just so much flavour in it (though chewing it is damn hard)

[bubblesbrnaid]

*snerk*

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I am right, he is wrong. You'd think he'd remember this simple simple instruction wouldn;t you?

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

My mother once looked at my plate and in an extreme Okie farmer drawl said, "Sheeyoot, ah've seen critters sicker'n thet git well 'n hev another calf."

Medium rare for my steak, please and thank you!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

heee, nothing like eating your meat still living! Even with odd accents! :)

[cally7.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, my beloved husband likes his meat cremated, shudder. As for myself I always rely on the phrase my mate used in relation to the beloved cow:

Cut off its horns, wipe its arse and slap it on the plate.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Exactly! That is how meat should be!

[ephemera.livejournal.com]

Beloved: Hell no, I'm going to be in pain, I want everyone else to suffer as well - the funeral feast will contain nothing but tofu.
Me: Truly truly evil, I like it.

You are so well suited :D

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Evil likes company - so we can PLOT!

[hanks-lil-pit.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

Both of you are cuteness perfected. And I completely side with you, my apologies to Beloved, but the cow steak had better be just barely dead when the plate is placed on the table. There is no other purpose for steak.

That's what corpses DO...

Fucking awesome. I'm stealing that line.

Hank

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*waves cuteness flag* Exactly, it's sipposed to TWITCH :_


Steal with my blessing - it's true!