sparkindarkness

I am trying to pin down which of my clients has the most annoying habits. It’s a difficult task as there are so many annoyances my head whirls and the Hounds get dizzy. We have the guy who completely denies reality, the repeat offender who chats up his lawyer, the lady who won’t keep her hands to herself and the woman who is single handedly trying to reverse the course of women’s rights

But a special prize goes to N. I have yet to have a meeting with this soon-to-be-divorced lady without wanting to throttle her. I have to keep my hands under the desk so she can’t see the clenching motions.

N is a successful business woman. She is forceful and dominant and an amazing sales person and at negotiations because she bludgeons people into submission. She always gets what she wants, she fights tooth and nail for her goal and she demands the whole world arrange itself around her. And this is just what she says about herself. What I have to say about her is unprintable and certainly not repeatable in polite company

Her most annoying habit is the word “no.”

Such a simple word, but let me try and describe how she says this.

Imagine you have a puppy. Your puppy repeatedly chews your Gucci shoes. You don’t shout at the puppy but you do tell it “no” in a very firm “stand for no argument” tone of voice. This is how she says no. To make it worse, she actually accompanies it by thrusting her hand in front of my face, palm wide. Yes, a “talk to the hand” gesture. The first time she did it I knocked her hand away because I thought she was trying to hit me.

This? Does not amuse. This does not amuse at all. The next time she says “no” I’m going to say “kill” and let the Hounds do their worse.

As if this truly horrendously bad habit was not sufficient for me to strip the oceans bare to have enough fish to slap her with it is made worse by when she uses it. See, no-nonsense, I-get-what-I-want, you’ll-do-it-my-way uses it to deny reality.

So the conversation goes something like this:
Sparky: The court will probably require the house to be sold
N: NO! *hand gesture* I will have the house.
Sparky: You could buy...
N: NO! *hand gesture* all of it, in settlement.
Sparky: The rest of your collected assets don’t come close to..
N: NO! *hand gesture* The house is mine. I’m not buying him out. The court will give it to me.
Sparky: But..
N: NO! *hand gesture*

She just will NOT discuss anything she doesn’t want to hear. She will not hear any counter arguments, won’t hear any possibility of it not going her way, she won’t even consider HOW she is going to get her way. She just wants it. End of story. No debate. She wants, she gets.

I think she’s the first client in a long time that I am actually considering dropping - ethics be hanged. The only thing keeping me in this case is that I am looking forward to seeing her being utterly mangled in court. It’s probably not a good sign when you’re actually looking forward to seeing your client squished.

I don’t see what the point is of her even having a lawyer if she won’t even listen to my advice. I’ve had clients ignore me before (like on a daily basis) but never actually refuse to let me speak! And if she says “NO!” again I’m cutting her hand off and feeding it to the hounds. As an appetiser. Then I’m getting creative.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

klgaffney.livejournal.com

....are you kidding me? that hand should have been bitten off and spat back in her face a long time ago. this dear sweet lady is being divorced? i can't imagine why!

*leans over to address the other party* psst! instead of divorce, allow me to suggest a chainsaw and a rolled up carpet? my rates are low.

From:

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags