Wallowing in a rut

[sparkindarkness]

hmmm, I think I'm stuck in a rut.

That doesn't measn I'm looking at changing thinsg drastically, it's just that everything has become so.. stable.

Work has managed to resolve the crisis (or at least, reached a point where it is no longer MY crisis) and, contrary to all expectation and without tempting fate, has managed not to produce any further crisis. While the work could never be called "routine" it is, at least, normal.

I have developed no new hobbies and am comfortably enjoying myself with sporadic WoW, reading books I have already read several times, watching DVDs that are frankly pure fluff and general lazing. I am not attempting to learn anything new, fix any of the minor niggling problems that exist in life or otherwise attempt anything productive.

Beloved and I are continuing our wonderful life of mutual love, endless joy and much nekkedness, but there's a distinct Roman Summer about it - lazy and decadent and doing lots of old things again because they were so much fun the first time and are still fun now.

I think I'm doing this self-sabotage thing again. I'm happy, I'm comfortable. I'm enjoying life, I'm enjoying the peace - but a large part of my mind (And an increasingly loud part) is screaming that I should be DOING something productive - achieving something

Well damn it brain, my happiness IS achieving something *thwaps brain* What's with all the goal-orientated thinking? Is it a culture thing? A guy thing? and why is beloved blissfully untroubled by it? Grrr, it's like I feel guilty for daring to waste so much time

Comments

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

*chuckles* I'll trade you places. I want to do some lazing about!

Although I suppose I do more lazing than a lot of people. I just lazed a bit too much, and got behind, and now I can't take whole days off to do nothing in particular until I get caught up again!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

laziness wins. I like lazing I just wish all of me did

[yuuago]

I dunno' if it's a culture thing or what. But believe me, I know the feeling. I always feel guilty when I do something just to enjoy it, because a niggling part of my brain says I should be doing something productive instead.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I think it's this ultra-competitive ideal we have now. If everything is a competition then not forging forward makes you a looser

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

It's a personality thing. I'm getting to the point I resent sleep because there's so much housework to do, but if I don't sleep I get irrational (funny at first, then progressively stranger).

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

no sleep makes me very very very very very snarly

But I hasve laid awake not been able to sleep because I resent the lost WoW time

[kitsuken.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure it's a cultural thing, although personality no doubt has an efect too, and can lead to us trying to attain the impossible. It's what's allowed humanity to achieve as much as it has in the past few centuries. On the other hand, it's also one of the reasons people get so stressed out, they feel like they're under achieving (something I'm starting to feel myself)

In the end though all things pass, so the best thing you can do just now is to enjoy it while it lasts. Sooner or later something will change and you'll move forward again, but until then be happy

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

the world is a competition and we have to keep up to keep playing

[kitsuken.livejournal.com]

maybe, but if that's true then who is it we;re trying to keep up with, and on what basis is your position measured in?

[meridae.livejournal.com]

You know, I'm wondering what you're wondering - what the HELL is wrong with being happy, comfortable, enjoying life and enjoying the peace? Also? being in love with endless joy and nekkedness? Why on EARTH would you want to change that??? My darling Sparky - if I could have all of those things that you just listed? I would be deleriously happy with joy and I wouldn't have just spent the last night in a psych ward. There is nothing wrong with good changes . . . there is nothing wrong with fixing things that are broken . . and there is nothing wrong with adding things to your life that only increase it's fullness. But there is also NOTHING wrong with thoroughly enjoying what you've already got . . . nothing wrong with doing something again and again because it was so damned good the first time (just think if you had sex on the principle that you could never do something more than once - you'd quickly run out of positions and have to stop having sex!). What I think is that you've had quite a stressful time at work, and now you're quite rightly enjoying your Roman Summer and that soon enough you will start looking for good and positive challenges to add to your life. But you'll also keep the good stuff that's already there.

And if that fails - well, alcohol is good for helping you ignore the fact that you're in a rut even if it doesn't get you out of it. ::evil teeheehee::

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I think there is an aspect in current culture that says we have to be DOING something. There's an idea that being happy with what yopu have is somehow failing - that things must always get better, that you must always be working to get more. I think that's why you see these multi-millionaires sitll having stressful schedules of death trying to make more money

"(just think if you had sex on the principle that you could never do something more than once - you'd quickly run out of positions and have to stop having sex!)."

Now now, let's not be hasty. We can think of MILLIONS of positions :)


Heee, corruption! Pass the alcohol and stop worrying about it! Thank ee :)

[meridae.livejournal.com]

I do see where you're coming from - I'm in a daily psychotherapy group, and the perception - even from myself - is that I'm not doing anything or getting anywhere because I'm not out making a life and career for myself. Thus I'm pressuring myself to move on to a photography course that I may not be able to handle. The stupid thing is that I've done more hard work IN the therapy group than I've done in the life time. It's slow work, it's stressful, it's emotional, it leaves me completely wrung out more often than not, the steps forward are tiny, but damn is it valuable . . . I've seen, in the last sixteen months or so, people totally turn their lives around and go from miserable suicidal wrecks to happy, productive people . . . when they come back to visit the change is amazing. But it's not percieved as 'work' or 'doing something' so all of us feel the push to get out of their as quickly as possible, and one of the points the staff have to reiterate over and over again is that we need to give ourselves *time*. And right now you're allowed to give yourself time - especially given the hell months you've had at work recently.

Also - you could have more sex, find out just how many positions there are, then tell me ALL about them! In the interests of research of course.

[mrmeval.livejournal.com]

Enjoy as much comfort as you can. It is a precious and fleeting thing.

Preparing for seasonal changes, over achieving to have enough to survive natural and human predation are part of us. Nothing can make you more goal oriented than hunger or staving off hunger. It goes hand in hand with being detail oriented. Doing everything just right to not scare away game and we had to spot tiny details to hunt food or spot the last berry on a bush. The ones that survived passed that along to us though it's not evenly distributed.

IMHO the northerners in Europe got that more than any other area. It's why a tiny little island damn near ruled the world for a while.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

yes, Britain got more than it's fair share of desperate overachievement (and I think a mental attitude that nothing was impossible that meant we kept trying them).

It's the culture oif competition as well, i think - we drive forwards because there'sa an idea that we are losing if we don't/

[geenerswh.livejournal.com]

Totally there with you. I am a perpetual student. I go crazy if I'm not learning something, but I don't usually have the discipline to make myself learn something alone. So I finally started checking local colleges and organizations for classes open to the public. Then I sign up for a class studying something that interests me. For the last couple of years, I've been taking a class at the local Art Association where I've been learning to make jewelry. No real deadlines, except those I set myself, so the stress isn't really there, but I'm still learning something. I've found it helps me relax in my other time because my brain is more apt to calm down if it's already learned something new that day.

Don't know if that will help you, but it's all I got :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

aye, i ahve lots of important and useful booiks that could broaden my mind and teach me new things. And I do want to do them - really... but I want to play around with my compuiter and read old books more :)

[geenerswh.livejournal.com]

mmmm.....old books.....

[home-of-usher.livejournal.com]

try inventing your own Sidhe language, or work on seeing if you an publish Sparkindarkness.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

The sidhe language? owwwww, pain! Do not encourage the muses!

Publish? Thank ee, but I've never really coinsidered publishing anything I wouldn't know how to start