And now, the man who presents a strong argument FOR eugenics

[sparkindarkness]

Because this guy is just too stupid to live and certainly cannot be allowed to pollute the gene pool. His only role in life is as Hound fodder





Hey scum. Well done, you’ve gone out for a night and got yourself arrested AGAIN. I have represented your sorry hide six times in the past and my colleague twice more in offences ranging from assault to ABH to sexual harassment and molestation to drug charges and beyond. I don’t know if you’re lucky enough or the world is just that unlucky that your father is rolling in it (actually, your parents are nice, polite, thoughtful people – I can only assume you are the result of some bad genetic experimentation gone wrong, or that your doting mother didn’t say ‘no’ nearly often enough).

So you call our office to let it be known you are now incarcerated – oh and that you tried to nut a policeman (pass the haddock please… if he tries to claim police brutality because his head hurts I may have to batter him). My colleague is dispatched – yes, because we’re one of those wonderful law firms that has a lawyer on tap any hour of the day or night – aren’t we saintly? Because we all know if you didn’t get a lawyer NOW you would have an interview without one because you want to go home and daddy will sort it out anyway, then you’ll lose your temper or what is left of your sanity in the interview and confess to raping the Queen or something then there will be no choice but to unleash the Hounds.

Now I get a phone call. Apparently you have taken issue with my colleague (perhaps because she has less patience with wastes of skin and is a much quicker to slap you upside the head with a haddock for wasting her time). You want me. (Actually, no, as it turns out you can’t work with my colleague because you made a pass at her and woudn't stop. You made a pass at your lawyer while in a police station – I have not the words. The Hounds will have to speak for me. She told you exactly what to do with your grubby little mind – and several other body parts - in no uncertain terms and now you’re sulking with her.)

Now, I am actually out for the night. I am enjoying my free time. I am enjoying not being on call. I am drinking copious amounts of alcohol and ignoring my bruised ribs. But, saint that I am, I actually go to the police station as soon as I can (the fact that the night out was an even bigger waste of my time and energy is besides the point), not even going home to change first since Scum was apparently about to try and leave and “kick the head in of any copper who tries to stop him.” Good luck with that. Thge police are out of haddocks to stop you so they'll have to use truncheons instead - I hope one remembers to vidieo it for me.

So I arrive. Scum is not grateful of my giving up my free time, nor is he grateful for me having to play lawyer in front of police while dressed for a night out (oh, I’m not going to forget that in a hurry, no way those police will let me). Scum is kicking up a fuss and demanding to leave (the concept of being under arrest is apparently beyond him, al,ong with personal hygiene and the word "no" coming from a woman). The police fear they may have to restrain him (which is fine by me, they can hold him, I’ll batter him). He’s going to give an interview anyway just so he can get out of there. Apparently he’s already said “fine me and give dad the bill so I can get the fuck out of here.” Such a charming young man. Let us hope he is castrated by a rabid Hound so that he never breeds.

You know what’s depressing? Beyond the fact that this guy just isn’t dead, that is? He’s going to get off. Daddy’s money will tell, charges will be dropped and scum will be on the street again.

Comments

[jrho.livejournal.com]

Just wait until he assaults someone with more money than his parents. Then he's screwed. Hopefully by his large cellmate named Tiny.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Oh I hope so.

[harald387.livejournal.com]

...Something has just occurred to me, after four hours of sleep and this being the first thing I've read.

You're English, and you're battering people with haddock...

Slight reversal there, wot?

Or maybe that was the point, and I've just missed it all this time being dense.

-K

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

The Salmon of Correction wasn't doing any good, and sparky was getting strained shoulder and back muscles, so he went with the Haddock of Punitive Glee. Now if only it still provided glee, instead of an "oh god, not AGAIN" feeling.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

of the many fish out there, I have decided that haddock is the most ideal - with occasional use of tuna for extreme cases

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Indeed. I look at the poor oppressed fishies in their frying pan and decided there's a much better use for them

intended reversal, if not I would have just said "clubbed with fish"

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

I would quibble that his parents are not "nice" or "thoughtful" people if they keep bailing this twit out of his mistakes, though "polite" seems entirely plausible under the circumstances. "Enabling" or "clueless" or "willfully ignorant" or "easily manipulated" or "prone to putting the wellbeing of their feckless offspring over that of anyone else", yes.

But I digress.

What I meant to say was: I do not have an icon sufficiently boggled for the situation at hand, so I will simply have to resort to emoticons.

O_O

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Quibble I'm out right stating he has bloody useless parents who, despite being decent PEOPLE, need smacking repeatedly until they learn parenting skills for their younger children. They can't just throw money at their kids. Nice people, useless parents.

agreed, no-one could produce an icon of such bogglingness.

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, now I follow.

Eyes-still-closed kitten boggles as best he can!

[amynnah.livejournal.com]

::sighs:: You want to borrow my hammer while you're slapping him with a haddock? :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Sure, i'm confident I can dual wirled

[amynnah.livejournal.com]

That would be funny. :) /grabs the DVD Recorder. A haddock and a hammer, dual-wielded... smacking the stupid out of the moron...

....can you drop totems too...? Sorry... ^^ Now I'm being silly.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Nope, but Mad Secretary can manage an impressive Pyroblast

[the-yellow-king.livejournal.com]

*raises eyebrow*
Tell me, have you ever had a talk with the father? Are allowed to do so, advising him that the chances of you being able to assist him are getting slimmer and slimmer?
I am assuming that's mostly impossible, but it bears asking.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

heee, no, I don't think so. I'm not sure what he will need assisting in him but I do give good haddocking

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

You made a pass at your lawyer while in a police station

He's bringing the dumb to a whole new level. *headdesk*

My friends and I were actually having a debate the other night over whether millionaires and other obscenely rich folk are actually capable of having polite, non-spoiled children. I think it's possible, just because I do want to believe the best of people, but I'm going to have to stop watching My Super Sweet Sixteen if I want to maintain that belief.

[jrho.livejournal.com]

I'm going to have to stop watching My Super Sweet Sixteen if I want to maintain that belief.

Seriously. I watch that and think
1. how insanely stupid some of their ideas are
2. how horrible they will be about their weddings
3. they should have some guy parties on that show
4. all the better ways I could spend that much money.

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

I think the worst part is the fact that I can't stop watching it. I want to smack everyone involved with every show, and yet I sit there, every time it's on and watch the whole thing. It's like a train wreck.

And you know, I don't think I know a single person (in real life) who had a super big party for their sweet sixteen. Or got a car. Especially no one who got a car.

[Nice icon, by the way. ^^]

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

it's like watching a car crash. You just can't stop watching

[jrho.livejournal.com]

I know. I was trying to remember my 16th birthday. I know I had a party because I had one every year, but I don't think it was special.

I like your icon, too.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

heeee, of course it looks stupid. Sensible comments and thought processes need to be grounded in reality. These kids have never realised reality

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

It needs a special award doesn't it? I'm going to gold plate the Hound's teeth in his honour

I think it is possible - but only if they realise that their many many millions and their spawn should never be brought together

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

Heh, yeah, I'm sure that would help.

I was watching Hogan Knows Best last night (and OMG do I need to turn off the TV and do some damn work) and his kids actually don't seem too bad. A bit spoiled, yeah, but I've seen so much worse.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

yep, kids can be trained. But the trainers have to be good at it and use tasers regularly

[procris.livejournal.com]

Well, if it makes you feel better, One of my best friends is an incredibly sensible guy, down to earth, works hard for his internship experiences, drives a minivan, is in school to be a children's librarian... and is a millionaire. He patches his own jeans when they get holes.

Come to think of it, several millionnaires I know drive minivans.

I do know the other kind from several hideous experiences as an undergrad; one in particular thought that his parking tickets were his BMW's rent on the terribly convenient (and off limits to students) parking spots behind his dorm. He got kicked out for setting something on fire in his dorm room (while he was on probation for punching out his former roommate) but his parents managed to get him back in.

Daddy's little Darling there needs a wake-up call. And Daddy needs a good bitchslaping for letting things get to this state.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I like sensible millionaires.

The problem is so many replace the reality part of their brains with currency


Daddy is doing his little darling no good, because no matter how much money said darling has,. eventually reality will do the bitch slapping

[meridae.livejournal.com]

::curious:: So what, exactly, were you wearing on this night out, and how un-lawyerly was it?

[girl-working.livejournal.com]

*equally curious*

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

not THAT bad thank you. :)

My hair was loose, my shirt... rather tight and gappy black silk, all shiny and embroidered. The trousers were on the tight side.

And lots of glittery gold.

[only-playing.livejournal.com]

Yummy. Reminds me of my night-on-the-town outfit: black bustier, black dresspants, and heels that should only be worn for about three steps at a time.

[baranduyn.livejournal.com]

His refusal to hear the word 'no' from women will lead him to refusing to hear the word 'no' from a woman who is actually going to teach him something the hard way. I'd pay to watch.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I would pay to watch and I'd pay extra if I can equip the lady

[rampagingturtle.livejournal.com]

I see what I can do about convincing afriend of mine to take her Don't Stick(TM)on a vacation to Merry Olde England if you can arrange for legal representation once she gets there. SHe's always grateful for a good excuse to be violent

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid there is a queue forming, would she be happy with a body part? I'm trying to split up his body in the fairest way possible

[mandragora1.livejournal.com]

I had a client make a pass at me whilst he was waiting in a cell for his hearing at court. Expected me to get him bail, as well. Pretty stupid - most of them wait until after you've got them out before trying anything.

The client sounds like a real little prince. Here's hoping he gets banged up (preferably without causing anyone any real harm, for example possession with intent to supply Class A before he's had the chance to actually supply) soon for a long time. Serve him right.

As to the attire, I once schlepped to the station wearing a mini-skirt, skimpy t-shirt and flip-flops because I'd been sun-bathing in the park and there wasn't time to get back home to change first. Yes, of course they thought I was the girlfriend of someone under arrest at first...

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

That would make sense... but he's a client. You see the problem I'm having here?

It would serve him right but until that day, i do suspect he may hurt someone. Don't you just HATE representing someone you want to see locked up?

Ouchie, you win the bad outfit competition...

[thisdaydreamer.livejournal.com]

Oh, I would love the chance to have a long conversation with this brat. I will bring Mace and my Evil Kitty.

Yes, that would be a lot of fun.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I will sell tickets

[mrmeval.livejournal.com]

Give him a free one way plane ticket to an obscure casino in Indiana and a thousand dollars. You know you want to come over here and laugh at his sorry broken ass in a redneck jail.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Nope, I believe in rehabilitation. In fact, I have got hima job of prok butcher and door to door ham salesman.

In Riyadh.

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

Daddy never once thought that sonny boy wasn't turning out so well? He needs to go to jail for while. Dumbass.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

The daddy or the son?

Or both?

[ladydyani.livejournal.com]

Sadly, both.

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

Is this the same guy who showed up drunk to a meeting with you and puked in your office? How has he not self-selected out of existence yet?

You made a pass at your lawyer while in a police station – I have not the words.

I have: FUCKING IMBECILE.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Sadly it isn't. That means there are 2 people of that overwhelming suptidity. Sad isn't it?



Ah, those words are IDEAL

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

Whose parents are equally willing to bail them out, apparently. Jesus wept.

*curtsies*