Amusing Homophobes.
Aug. 7th, 2006 10:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessHomophobia is something which, for obvious reasons, tends to reduce me to incoherent axe murdering rage in record time. I have no time for it and certainly no inclination to pander to it, it’s stereotypes or anything else – I’m really zero tolerant about it. This is something most people around me know and tread warily around as if there were a stalking tiger about to eat them respect.
But there are 2 homophobes I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis who manage not to annoy me because they’re so damn funny.
See, they both suffer from the same type of homophobia – desperate fear that the gays are going to wrestle them to the floor and make them have teh hot sweaty many-sex!
They always stay at arms length from me (and they’re REALLY obvious about it). It’s not disgust, (which would piss me off on whole new levels of pissed offness) it’s fear. It’s like they’re really afraid that if I can touch them I will molest them. But the funniest thing is the way they won’t turn their back on me. Seriously, they will not let me stand behind them. It’s a severe case of “there’s a gay man behind me – he can see my backside! ARGH THE HORROR!” You see, the mere sight of their trouser clad buttocks will apparently cause me to ram them up against a wall and have my wicked way with them. Yes, yes it will. (Oh, and both of them are a lot bigger than me, so if I did randomly decide to scream “rawr! BUTTSECKS!” and leap on them, they’d be quite capable of peeling me off and slamming me against every flat surface. Unlesws I have teh evil gay superpowers).
One of them is kind of cute (nothing special though – but he does obsess more about grooming and clothes even than I do – which may be why he freaks - he's on the defensive because many people assume he is gay) but the other guy is my cousin’s husband – he’s 25 years my senior, several stone over weight, balding, unshaven, poorly dressed and generally icky. What kind of vanity do you have to have that you can look like that and still assume you are the tastiest treat on the menu to all homosexuals?
I suppose I should be offended, but it’s just so funny that I can freak these guys out so badly simply by being there. Truly all must fear the mighty power of teh gayness.
But there are 2 homophobes I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis who manage not to annoy me because they’re so damn funny.
See, they both suffer from the same type of homophobia – desperate fear that the gays are going to wrestle them to the floor and make them have teh hot sweaty many-sex!
They always stay at arms length from me (and they’re REALLY obvious about it). It’s not disgust, (which would piss me off on whole new levels of pissed offness) it’s fear. It’s like they’re really afraid that if I can touch them I will molest them. But the funniest thing is the way they won’t turn their back on me. Seriously, they will not let me stand behind them. It’s a severe case of “there’s a gay man behind me – he can see my backside! ARGH THE HORROR!” You see, the mere sight of their trouser clad buttocks will apparently cause me to ram them up against a wall and have my wicked way with them. Yes, yes it will. (Oh, and both of them are a lot bigger than me, so if I did randomly decide to scream “rawr! BUTTSECKS!” and leap on them, they’d be quite capable of peeling me off and slamming me against every flat surface. Unlesws I have teh evil gay superpowers).
One of them is kind of cute (nothing special though – but he does obsess more about grooming and clothes even than I do – which may be why he freaks - he's on the defensive because many people assume he is gay) but the other guy is my cousin’s husband – he’s 25 years my senior, several stone over weight, balding, unshaven, poorly dressed and generally icky. What kind of vanity do you have to have that you can look like that and still assume you are the tastiest treat on the menu to all homosexuals?
I suppose I should be offended, but it’s just so funny that I can freak these guys out so badly simply by being there. Truly all must fear the mighty power of teh gayness.
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Hehehe....
Date: 2006-08-07 03:50 pm (UTC)Not to be a flaming, bitchy queen about this, but aren't you more, um, passive these days? I seem to remember a post about how beloved was doing more of the *Pounce! Rawr! Buttsecks!* now days. In any case, I'm always amused by the "OMG! The gays'll boink any orifice!!!11Eleventy-One!" types of homophobes. Especially, if they have that type of reaction because someone is preceived of as "t3H homo," without confirmation of any sort.
Being a bisexual guy, I remember that in high school, I used to have a bad crush that was a little too obvious for this very pretty, but assmonkey of a football player, despite me being in a relationship with a girl at the time. (Although, there wasn't anything much meant by it. I just liked to look at the pretty; anyone who was a good friend knew that. In fact, my ex-girlfriend AND his girlfriend-at-the-time would join me in visually licking him up and down, from across the field, during/right after football practice. Yeah, we were a bit weird.) So, it didn't take too much for the rumor to spread through out the school that I may suck on more than jellyranchers.
Before I knew it, every football player would cease any and all activity upon my appearance, whether it be in class, at lunch or in the hallways. (Which, was kind of nice, since I'd been teased mercilessly for being a dork for four years prior to that.) And it was even more evident when we had to change after practice (I did tennis as a sport)- [The lockerroom was divided in the middle by a very tall row of lockers, while each side was divided by a much, much shorter row of lockers.] Although there's only four rows of lockers, somehow the 100 or so football players would all squeeze into whichever two rows that I wasn't using and couldn't see, leaving plenty of room for the rest of us, which was only like 65 people total, max.
Now, the hilarious part was not that they were homophobic jerks, but they were avoiding the wrong person- Later on, during college, I met and had some fun with a guy who was actually a member of the football team at the time! Not to mention that, the boy was a strict top! Heh. Silly, silly homophobes. Putting up fences to avoid the wolfs, but not realizing that the badgers are already in your chicken coop.
Re: Hehehe....
Date: 2006-08-07 06:15 pm (UTC)Oh people who freak at a suspected homo? Yes, we wear signs you know. Yes yes we do *sigh*. You can guarantee (almost) that everyone knows someone who is gay they don't know about. We have all been naked infront of gay people. We are hidden - so just relax about it
It may be my casual nudity thing but in general I don't care about stripping in changing rooms (I think it's a gay thing in a way - after all we strip in front of guys in changing rooms and we work on the idea that men like men - so stripping in front of people who may ogle seems pretty casual).
I also don't understand why people care about being looked at. I (narcissist that I am) like being eye candy (within reason). It's nice to know people think we look yummy.
Re: Hehehe....
Date: 2006-08-07 06:35 pm (UTC)Re: Hehehe....
Date: 2006-08-07 06:40 pm (UTC)Because I'm a lawyer and have used this account to reveal my sensitive info :)
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Date: 2006-08-08 03:21 am (UTC)