A run by rant on the word "sorry."

[sparkindarkness]

Just a quickie.

Terry Pratchett covered something like this in the book "The Truth" about people who use the words "no offence meant" as an excuse to not actually take the normal, courteous effort not to cause offence.

I've seen the same thing with the word sorry. I'm amazed how many people seem to think the word somehow means they don't have to try and not inconvenience others. I see it on WoW (I'm not obsessed, not obssessed, not obsessed) with the new Global looking for group channel. People type "sorry to use this chanel, but..." NO BUT! If you were sorry you wouldn't do it!

Sorry is meant for those times when you have no choice/accidently/inadvertently do something wrong - it expresses regret and contrition and indicates that you understand what you did was wrong. It is not a magical talisman that suddenly makes the wrong thing you are doing/about to do right. When people protest at what they are doing, they loudly declare "I said sorry!" and suddenly you're the bad guy for not accepting their "apology."

And that's another related thing - "sorry" does not make everything all right and force us to accept the apology and pretend nothing has happened. We all saw in the news recently the Mel Gibson drink driving/anti-semiticism debacle. Someone has protested we can't call him an anti-semite because he said sorry. Errr, no, he may regret what he said but the fact he apologised doesn't change what he said or what prejudices he holds.

In a way it's like people who call basic politeness "pc-ism" - so decide that they don't have to bother with manners and respect and can wear their prejudice openly and if anyone complains they turn round and complain at the "riduclous pcism." Pcism may have become ridiculous but it is not half so ridiculous as the people being rude, offensive and bigoted and being able to shout down their critics as the ones who are unreasonable.

/end rant

Comments

[being-here.livejournal.com]

Totally agree!

One fucktard this weekend kept saying the stupidest things ever to issue from a primates mouth and saying 'sorry. Just trying to help'.

I had to go for a sit down in a cool room to stop me stabbing him.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

See, you made a tragic mistake.

The stupid people in this world are out breeding us. Furture generations will be plagued by endless waves of stupidity.

Therefore, when you are faced with idiocy on a grand scale you must commence stabbing. For the sake of the children

[being-here.livejournal.com]

Bugger. I'll remember next time

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

See you do *shakes finger* how else are we going to implement plan "natural selection chainsaw" :)

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

I've been trying to teach my son this one for years. An effective and sincere sorry is repentance, acknowledgement of fault, and attempt to make amends if such are desired.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

exactly - it's not juat a magic word that makes everything better

[lalajia.livejournal.com]

Yep, once again, I agree!

Having had people bump into me spilling boiling coffee on me, then expecting sorry to magically refill my coffee cup/heal my burns - it really fecks me off when they get upset at my lack of gracious acceptance of their 'apology'.

Which reminds me, did the woman who hit you with her car expect 'sorry' to solve the situation?

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

As all right people should :)

It's such and easy, lazy cop-out word. It's turned from a way of admitting responsibility to a way of AVOIDING it!

Not exactly. She thought that sorry may be able to get her away from the scene quickly (she was in a hurry. Sorry, no, you're NOT in a hurry when you just hit someone with your freaking car) but she accepts she has to pay money mainly because she accepts that her insurance company will pay it

Well...

[speaks.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you feel that way...

Re: Well...

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

don't make me slap you with a pancake :P

[baranduyn.livejournal.com]

What you said, to the ultimate power.

I don't know how many times when someone close to me has said "I'm sorry but..." I've replied "if you were really sorry, you wouldn't go there."

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Ok, sometimes we're forced to do something or say something and we want to make it clear that we don't want to do it...

but most of the time what people mean is "I'm going to stick my nose in/open my trap anyway even though most wise people would realise that it would be better to stay out of it/shut up."

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

I had a teacher in high school who would respond to insincere apologies with "Don't be sorry, change." (And, alas, sometimes to sincere apologies that were trying to assist. But it was still a useful sentiment to recall.)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

it's a trifle harsh but not a bad idea

[harald387.livejournal.com]

I have, on exactly two occasions, used "I'm sorry to have to be the one doing this." They were both when I was bearing bad tidings that I genuinely didn't want to bear, but was the only one who could do it.

You know, appropriate use of the term.

In reference to World of Warcraft specifically, I see a lot of people telling the idiots out there "If you were sorry, you wouldn't use LFG for trade," or suchlike. This sparks some other lackwit saying "But by telling him that, you're also using LFG for something else!" and it degenerates into the usual fourteen-year-old bitchfest that results in me turning the damned thing off. Again.

I often feel that the big problem with MMORPGs is that second 'M'... Give me a WoW that you have to apply to play, where grammar and spelling are requirements, where players can be put on report or banned for lacking basic courtesy. That would make me a happy Canadian.

-K

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Exactly - using it appropriately (I am now forced to say/do something that I do not want to and I recognise will be unpleasant) fair enough and this is a proper usage. But as you said - you've used it twice. These circumstances are rare, unless you are a police officer or doctor.


LOL, true, the LFG becomes spammed more by people screaming at the spammers than it is by the spammers themselves. That's why when I see abuse I just /w a complaint to the spammer.

Yes, there needs to be common sense tests for those playing these games! Or at least elite sensible servers

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

i'm always one for telling my kids, "you're not sorry. you're just unhappy that you got CAUGHT."

i expect better from adults. sadly, reality has shown that this expectation is completely unwarranted and unreasonable.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

lol - they're very sorry they've been caught! But that's it exactly :)

Now why would you ever expect such a thing? Sadly reality has a habit of slapping down what should be a sensible assumption

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

AMEN!!!! About a billion amens to that!

(*cough* My personal kerfluffle with an idiot was based around his insistance that because he meant well and was trying to give me "valuable advice" that his repeatedly insulting myself and my mother was perfectly acceptable.)

Saying that you have good intentions does not excuse bad behavior!

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Heeee

Yes, he is a classic example. He made a huge error of judgement. He should step/back down. but he's not. he's using the shield of his (dubious) "good intentions" as an excuse to continue the deplorable behaviour. If he truly had good intentions he would have stepped back when he goofed (or realised that he had goofed when it was made clear to him) rather than perpetuating it with repitition.

[jrho.livejournal.com]

"Sorry"

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

LOL, I think I may have that mounted as a desk ornament.

Princess Bride ever and always rocks

[mnemsyne.livejournal.com]

people use every excuse they can to not be the civil polite beings that encourage actual consideration of othrs. if people were to do this, the way life is held may even change drastically (pleae please please!!)

in that i mean if you consider another person's basic existance, you'll be less inclined to rip them off in life, the idea of capitalism fails, and the elves return.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Oh i dream for that world!

People are getting so much lazier about it - token words of consideration have replaced actual consideration.

Yep, the whole capitalism 9or capitalism taken to an extreme) treats people like objects and commodities and COMPETITORS

[thisdaydreamer.livejournal.com]

*stands and applauds*

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*bows* thank you, thank you