The saga of Hot!Bus driver continues
Apr. 10th, 2006 02:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessKind of a witnessed suck, but more a spoken suck. On this evil and horrendous bright and happy Monday morning I plodded to the bus as normal (There is NO POINT in driving to my work. The traffic is horrendous – except for bus lanes where people pass easily laughing gleefully at the poor people in their cars – when you finally battle the way into the city you cannot find a parking space. Ever. It doesn’t matter if it is 3:00am on a Sunday, there are no parking spaces. I’m sure the council puts out rows of Masklin Model cars in all the car parks to convince people not to clog up the city centre with traffic (or for their own perverse amusement). There just cannot be this many cars in the city. If you do find a parking space (presumably after following a star for 3 days or finding the end of the rainbow or some other act of mystical and divine providence), after raising a small shrine in recognition and thanks for this miracle you then have to pawn your car to actually afford parking. Or divine providence turns to a malicious satanic trick as it turns out it’s a short stay car park and there’s a swooping traffic warden counting every second left on your ticket cackling gleefully like an end-time prophet as the time ticks down).
Wait, I'll cut this because I'm beginning to ramble.
Anyway, I digress. The city is not car friendly. So onto the bus. The bus is frequent and irregular. It comes every 2-15 minutes. Which means you never know when a bus is due but you always know one will be there soon. The time table is considered a quaint and amusing work of fiction on par with the local tourist guide (which tries to convince you that rubble is interesting, the locals quietly wishing you death are welcoming, hovels are quaint and sleeping in medieval conditions is rustic) and local Council Minutes (which are the product of the fevered imaginings of the secretary since the actual council meeting actually involved lots of old men muttering and swearing at each other).
Yet again, I digress. Allow me to ramble to the point. My bus driver this morning was again the delectable OMGHOT!Busdriver, which always brightens a morning and because the bus was a bustaxi (empty except for me – one had come just 2 minutes earlier and stolen all the passengers – yes, look at the tax money being used efficiently) I got to chatter away with him all trip and as people began to get on the bus we got to mock their stupidity which is apparently a hobby we have in common :
1) People to Whom catching the bus means more than life itself. They will run across roads. They will run in front of the moving bus. They will shove old ladies and little children out of the way. They carry a machete to hack any inconvenient barrier that may slightly delay them – they MUST CATCH THAT BUS!!!! Remember, this bus runs every 15 minutes at latest, sometimes ever 2 minutes – why literally throw yourself in front of the bus to catch it? Actually, I can think of several people who are worth considerably less than 15 minutes of my time, but HOT!busdriver is more charitable.
2) People who are blind to bus stops. We’ve all seen a bus stop. A pole. Stuck in the ground, quite tall, with a little white sign on top. Sometimes there’s a hut that pretends to shelter people but really just funnels the wind so it can catch you from surprising directions. Easy to recognise, isn’t it? So why leap at the bus at every traffic light and batter at the doors to be let in? C’mon, the use of a bus stop is hardly rocket science is it?
3) In some towns round here, the council has had a great idea (or the secretary was more imaginative than usual) and decided that rather than have bus stops that the old biddies will have to creak their way to (there are a lot of old biddies in the towns around the city) that instead they will pass a policy of allowing you to pick up the bus ANYWHERE in the village! That’s right, just stick your arm out and the bus will stop (yes, I find it most amusing to). Yes, it’s a silly system, but a bit of common sense people, please? On a straight street when you see people stood OBVIOUSLY waiting for the bus, go stand near them. If the bus stops for them and you want to get on, WALK to them and get on too. Do you have any idea how annoying it is for the bus to stop every 10 feet because you can’t be bothered to waddle those few extra steps?
4) Paying for a £1 ticket with a £20? If karma works you should be sucked into a wood chipper the minute you get off this bus.
5) Paying for a £1 ticket in copper? The woodchipper’s just too good for you grandma. The poor driver now gets bitched out by every passenger for being late.
6) The price has gone up since you were young. Yes, it will because a) the cost of oil has sky rocketed and b) you look like Methuselah’s grandmother, we weren’t even using this currency when you were young. Stop bitching and pay up.
7) The bus is late. This is true. Bus driver, amazingly enough, doesn’t actually want to be late. He hasn’t conspired to make the traffic heavy or make the time table unrealistic (hey, you live round here, you know it’s a work of fiction). He didn’t control the fools at point 2. He didn’t cripple the lazy lumps at point 3 so they couldn’t waddle and congregate together. It’s not his fault that he had to find change for a £20 in loose coins or that he had to count his own weight in copper. Don’t sit at the front and make LOUD pointed comments about how late you are and how your life is ruined. Don’t bitch and whine to him when you get on (he won’t set off until you’ve sat your petulant arse down). I will lend him a Hound. It will eat you. The world will be a better place.
Wait, I'll cut this because I'm beginning to ramble.
Anyway, I digress. The city is not car friendly. So onto the bus. The bus is frequent and irregular. It comes every 2-15 minutes. Which means you never know when a bus is due but you always know one will be there soon. The time table is considered a quaint and amusing work of fiction on par with the local tourist guide (which tries to convince you that rubble is interesting, the locals quietly wishing you death are welcoming, hovels are quaint and sleeping in medieval conditions is rustic) and local Council Minutes (which are the product of the fevered imaginings of the secretary since the actual council meeting actually involved lots of old men muttering and swearing at each other).
Yet again, I digress. Allow me to ramble to the point. My bus driver this morning was again the delectable OMGHOT!Busdriver, which always brightens a morning and because the bus was a bustaxi (empty except for me – one had come just 2 minutes earlier and stolen all the passengers – yes, look at the tax money being used efficiently) I got to chatter away with him all trip and as people began to get on the bus we got to mock their stupidity which is apparently a hobby we have in common :
1) People to Whom catching the bus means more than life itself. They will run across roads. They will run in front of the moving bus. They will shove old ladies and little children out of the way. They carry a machete to hack any inconvenient barrier that may slightly delay them – they MUST CATCH THAT BUS!!!! Remember, this bus runs every 15 minutes at latest, sometimes ever 2 minutes – why literally throw yourself in front of the bus to catch it? Actually, I can think of several people who are worth considerably less than 15 minutes of my time, but HOT!busdriver is more charitable.
2) People who are blind to bus stops. We’ve all seen a bus stop. A pole. Stuck in the ground, quite tall, with a little white sign on top. Sometimes there’s a hut that pretends to shelter people but really just funnels the wind so it can catch you from surprising directions. Easy to recognise, isn’t it? So why leap at the bus at every traffic light and batter at the doors to be let in? C’mon, the use of a bus stop is hardly rocket science is it?
3) In some towns round here, the council has had a great idea (or the secretary was more imaginative than usual) and decided that rather than have bus stops that the old biddies will have to creak their way to (there are a lot of old biddies in the towns around the city) that instead they will pass a policy of allowing you to pick up the bus ANYWHERE in the village! That’s right, just stick your arm out and the bus will stop (yes, I find it most amusing to). Yes, it’s a silly system, but a bit of common sense people, please? On a straight street when you see people stood OBVIOUSLY waiting for the bus, go stand near them. If the bus stops for them and you want to get on, WALK to them and get on too. Do you have any idea how annoying it is for the bus to stop every 10 feet because you can’t be bothered to waddle those few extra steps?
4) Paying for a £1 ticket with a £20? If karma works you should be sucked into a wood chipper the minute you get off this bus.
5) Paying for a £1 ticket in copper? The woodchipper’s just too good for you grandma. The poor driver now gets bitched out by every passenger for being late.
6) The price has gone up since you were young. Yes, it will because a) the cost of oil has sky rocketed and b) you look like Methuselah’s grandmother, we weren’t even using this currency when you were young. Stop bitching and pay up.
7) The bus is late. This is true. Bus driver, amazingly enough, doesn’t actually want to be late. He hasn’t conspired to make the traffic heavy or make the time table unrealistic (hey, you live round here, you know it’s a work of fiction). He didn’t control the fools at point 2. He didn’t cripple the lazy lumps at point 3 so they couldn’t waddle and congregate together. It’s not his fault that he had to find change for a £20 in loose coins or that he had to count his own weight in copper. Don’t sit at the front and make LOUD pointed comments about how late you are and how your life is ruined. Don’t bitch and whine to him when you get on (he won’t set off until you’ve sat your petulant arse down). I will lend him a Hound. It will eat you. The world will be a better place.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-20 08:54 am (UTC)And it's an interesting way to get people to use the green option, isn't it?