Ah the joys of voicemail
Mar. 16th, 2006 10:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessYes, Mr. F, you have rung me repeatedly.
Yes, it is regretful that I was out so much these last few days.
Yes, I realise it is annoying never being able to contact me. I do try to ring back anyone who leaves a message on my voicemail.
Yes, you did leave a message on my voicemail. 9 of them, in fact over 3 days (considerably less than the ‘dozens‘ you claimed. I appreciate it, many of my clients seem to be too dumb to figure that out. But I advise in future leaving a message with Mad Secretary as well.
Call you back? No, I didn’t, actually. Why is that when I assured you I would?
Well, Mr. F, that was probably because you left a message on my voicemail NINE TIMES and not ONCE did you feel fit to identify yourself or provide any telephone number to contact you. No, I can’t recognise you by voice alone, do you have any idea how many phone calls I make and you expect me to remember a voice? Especially when you leave screaming ranting recordings giving me no information other than the fact you are about 3 more rants short of a severe heart attack?
I’m not psychic. Mad Secretary is not psychic. If you don’t leave your name and number I can’t just pull out my Ouija board to send a message to your alphabet fridge magnets (and if I could, I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate it). You have no bitching rights over me if you fail to take the simple step of repeating your own 6 digit telephone number - not a lot to ask, is it? Continue to bitch and I will pull out the haddock for some therapeutic battering.
And no, I couldn’t look you up in the phone book. You didn’t leave your name. And I have far better things to do than to thumb through the book then try and find you among all your relatives even if you had left your name (as anyone with the intelligence of a carrot would have thought to do). The hounds will chew on your intestines just for suggesting that.
No, you still don’t get bitching rights for your mistake, so stop trying to exercise them.
Yes, I realise it probably was vitally important. That is not my problem. Yes, I realise you have now missed a deadline. This is also not my problem. Yes, I realise that you will have to reschedule matters at considerable expense and effort now. This is also not my problem. Yes, you will have to pay me more money. This is certainly not my problem. It’s amazing how many problems there are in the world and equally stunning how many of them are not mine. No, I don’t have to ’do’ anything to ’fix this’. Aside from anything else, my time machines broken right now, I know, tech support isn’t what it used to be. No, I’m not going to lower your bill or actually pay you for inconvenience you caused yourself. If I did that the Senior partners would not only feed me to the Hounds but throw what was left of me to piranhas as well. Then the boss man will cut you into pieces and feed you to his Persian cat.
No, you still don’t have bitching rights - you do have Hound rights though, help yourself to a mauling.
Yes, it is regretful that I was out so much these last few days.
Yes, I realise it is annoying never being able to contact me. I do try to ring back anyone who leaves a message on my voicemail.
Yes, you did leave a message on my voicemail. 9 of them, in fact over 3 days (considerably less than the ‘dozens‘ you claimed. I appreciate it, many of my clients seem to be too dumb to figure that out. But I advise in future leaving a message with Mad Secretary as well.
Call you back? No, I didn’t, actually. Why is that when I assured you I would?
Well, Mr. F, that was probably because you left a message on my voicemail NINE TIMES and not ONCE did you feel fit to identify yourself or provide any telephone number to contact you. No, I can’t recognise you by voice alone, do you have any idea how many phone calls I make and you expect me to remember a voice? Especially when you leave screaming ranting recordings giving me no information other than the fact you are about 3 more rants short of a severe heart attack?
I’m not psychic. Mad Secretary is not psychic. If you don’t leave your name and number I can’t just pull out my Ouija board to send a message to your alphabet fridge magnets (and if I could, I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate it). You have no bitching rights over me if you fail to take the simple step of repeating your own 6 digit telephone number - not a lot to ask, is it? Continue to bitch and I will pull out the haddock for some therapeutic battering.
And no, I couldn’t look you up in the phone book. You didn’t leave your name. And I have far better things to do than to thumb through the book then try and find you among all your relatives even if you had left your name (as anyone with the intelligence of a carrot would have thought to do). The hounds will chew on your intestines just for suggesting that.
No, you still don’t get bitching rights for your mistake, so stop trying to exercise them.
Yes, I realise it probably was vitally important. That is not my problem. Yes, I realise you have now missed a deadline. This is also not my problem. Yes, I realise that you will have to reschedule matters at considerable expense and effort now. This is also not my problem. Yes, you will have to pay me more money. This is certainly not my problem. It’s amazing how many problems there are in the world and equally stunning how many of them are not mine. No, I don’t have to ’do’ anything to ’fix this’. Aside from anything else, my time machines broken right now, I know, tech support isn’t what it used to be. No, I’m not going to lower your bill or actually pay you for inconvenience you caused yourself. If I did that the Senior partners would not only feed me to the Hounds but throw what was left of me to piranhas as well. Then the boss man will cut you into pieces and feed you to his Persian cat.
No, you still don’t have bitching rights - you do have Hound rights though, help yourself to a mauling.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-16 12:30 pm (UTC)i miss them not at all.
now i await confused and confusing emails from my charges. i don't have a direct phone line (for now) so voicemail is not an issue.
i'd offer my hounds, but i fear i may yet have need of them.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-16 02:40 pm (UTC)I keep my Hounds well trained but I fear I may be overfeeding them.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-16 10:44 pm (UTC)i do miss my sexetary.
[a hound exchange program might help keep your kennels lean and keen.]
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-17 10:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-17 11:07 am (UTC)i offer the services of my hound kennels.
consider it a service to sanity amongst colleagues.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-16 01:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-16 02:42 pm (UTC)All my stories are in the memories section. Angst touches Light & Dark lightly. There is loads of massive angst in Spark in Darkness but it comes in waves with fluffy spots as well.
Predators Predator and Generation Gap are great sucking wounds of angst. Banked Embers is pretty angsty as well, these are also quite short as they don't get as mcubh attention.
The Angel isn't angsty, it's funny.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-16 05:34 pm (UTC)Of course, this has lead to my mother leaving messages like, "This is Mom. The patient name is Mom. I don't have an account number. Call me." *sigh*
(Oh, and I found you through
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-17 10:10 am (UTC)You may well be a fabulous lawyer,
Date: 2006-03-17 05:32 pm (UTC)Re: You may well be a fabulous lawyer,
Date: 2006-03-17 07:05 pm (UTC)That's not creepy - or if it is, we're all kinda creepy round here
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-20 02:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-30 10:01 am (UTC)The Hounds are already waaay overfed