Sparkindarkness 71 - Vengeance!!! :)
Aug. 1st, 2005 08:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessAfter a brief interlude, I'm back with more fic. Sorry, getting distracted by a vampire chronicle I've been press ganged into running. Please gods let there not be another repeat of Lady Kira Furniture Fondler.
I'm also watching my DVDs of Kindred the Embraced for inspiration. Am I the only one who is utterly STUNNED at the INCREDIBLY bad acting in this series? I return to it time and again just to laugh.
Anyway, Rick and Darren coming home, with extra prodding of magic and hopefully returning to a Normal Life (tm)
And we're all pretending the last post didn't happen :)
It was no good. I’d looked everywhere. It wasn’t like things were difficult to find anyway, Darren was such a fucking neat freak. He follows around behind me like a nagging shadow putting things back where he says they should go (of course, that means I had to look for everything - yeah,. They were easy to find, but nothing was where I expected it to be).
No, there was only one explanation. Some bastard had stolen all of my computer games, DVDs and games consoles. And I had a suspicion who it might be… Time to take steps.
I grinned as I entered the room, a nice predatory grin, if I did say so myself. Of course, Darren always said that I looked like I was on the verge of laughing and trying not to, like a kid in church. Screw him, he’s just jealous of my evil grin of doom. If there had been any doubt in my mind about the guilty party, it faded then minute I saw the incredibly smug look on Darren’s face. There’s no real expression, it’s like a self-satisfied aura around him. You can almost feel it in the air. Of course, part of that could be Ghost beeping softly in the Organiser on the coffee table (I knew I’d put it somewhere - not there of course, but that’s where Darren always put it if I was stupid enough to let it leave my fingers for half a mili-second) which had its own fucking aura of supreme smugness. Even the cat radiated smugness. Of course, he always kind of did, I guess it was a daemon thing. Or a cat thing. Great, the whole household had collaborated against me.
Good, means I don’t have to be guilty about a collective revenge.
“My stuff is missing.”
Darren looked up idly from the business letters he was browsing through. “Your ‘stuff’? I advise you see a doctor.”
I gave him my best glare. “Ha fucking ha. My DVDs and games and stuff, what did you do with it?”
“I believe it’s called an intervention. After your sojourn in the spirit world it became clear that you have several unhealthy obsessions. I have raised a hundred zombies, but have yet to meet one that moaned ‘braaaaaaiiinnnns.’ Nor do I think Italian plumbers make especially good warriors.”
Remember Rick, we’re doing it out of love, we may seem hard on you but it comes from a place of love. You just need to take your life one step at a time. We’ll help you with the Programme. Trust in a higher pow-
“Thou dist say that a Higher Power was the Third step.” The cat put in.
First step isn’t it?
“I thought first step was him admitting he had a problem?” Darren added.
Nah, we switched that to us accusing him judgementally instead. The new fundamentalist version.
“Either way, it’s too early for the Higher Power bit.”
Let’s do the condensed version - twelve steps are an awful lot for him to remember, he’s bound to forget a couple.
“Nay, I want the Higher Power. Or Lower Power.” The cat grinned.
Nu-uh pussy cat, I’m his spirit guide, if anyone’s playing Higher Power, it’s me.
“You’ve been guiding him, what, eight or nine years? And how would you rate your success, Mr. Ghost.” Darren pulled out a suspiciously corporate piece of paper. “Do you consider that your goals have been adequately met? If so, do you think they were appropriate for the modern competitive spirit guide market?” I started to edge out of the room - a corporate evaluation survey? Alas, Camaalis was right! My boyfriend really is evil.
I amused myself considerably.
“And do you consider that to be a suitable goal in the modern corporate world especially as a modern, cutting edge techno-spirit?”
In the modern corporate world wry amusement is the ONLY realistic goal
“Point.”
“We abandon the matter at hand. I am the Lower Power,” the cat rumbled.
Nope, Microsoft is.
“He has to entrust his life to Microsoft?” Darren raised an eyebrow worriedly.
Cool, I want to see the human equivalent of a Blue Screen of Death.
“Blue Screen of Death? It sounds like a demon on bad acid.” Darren smiled. Be still my heart, an actual smile. I’d be happier if it were for a better reason.
It’s actually a pretty vile and dangerous techno spirit. I could call one if…
“AHEM.” Time to cut them off right now. The longer they talk, the eviller they get. They’re a fucking bad influence on each other, really. And how weird is it that I’m complaining about that? “Can we get back to my stuff. You’ve stolen it, I want it back. Or else.”
Oh this should be funny.
“Master Darren, methinks you will have a good night tonight.” The cat grinned. How can a cat grin?
Darren smiled and it was full of fucking heat, evil thoughts and nasty little suggestions. Reaaaal nice, something for later, definitely.
“Nope, I’m, not torturing information out of a masochist - that’s for play time later. I’ve got a much better way of punishing you all.” I pull my latest fetish from my pocket, a tiny little flash drive -it’s only used to store the spirit, not harness it. It was surprisingly easy to convince the spirit to take up residence…
A new fetish?
“Why does that plastic key fob have ‘Justice’ written on it in day-glo colours? It’s even less tasteful than most of your clothing,” Darren’s mouth twisted like he was looking at something vile. Oh, and he’s going to pay for the clothes comment.
“I had to convince the spirit to take up residence somehow. Of course, promising her she could study Sorcery helped.” See, they weren’t the only ones who could be evil. I tweaked off the plastic cap from the end. The spirit came forth in a wave of sparkles.
“Oooooh, Darren-sama, teach me the secrets of Sorcery! I will use it to bring good and joy to the world, with that power I could bring JUSTICE to everyone!!”
Darren’s jaw dropped - I am so fucking good. Or is that evil. “You monster. How could you? I thought it was dead!”
I gave him my best evil grin. “Nope, just sleeping, it’s very hard to truly kill a spirit, there’s usually some spare avatars lying around you can power up. Now, give me my stuff back or I’m plugging her into ever- ow, fuck!!”
My hand had three nasty scratches on it. Fuck, ow, why did cat scratches hurt so much? Ahrimadan grinned at me, my flash drive nestled between his paws. Sure he had my full glaring attention,. The fucking cat busily began chomping down the fetish. Cat’s jaws shouldn’t be able to munch through metal and plastic, they really shouldn’t. But then, most cats couldn’t consume spirits as well. Of course, I had to get Darren a fucking evil demon cat didn’t I.
“Fine, but when you have to take the fucking flea bag to the vets with justice induced indigestion don’t expect ME to drive.” I stormed out of the room, ignoring the evil bastards’ laughter that chased me out. I’ll have the last laugh, all my stuff has its spirit awakened - a quick ritual and I’ll find them and then subject them all to an anime marathon. Ha!
But first I’m going to get some stuff for tonight, Darren is sooooo going to pay for this.
I'm also watching my DVDs of Kindred the Embraced for inspiration. Am I the only one who is utterly STUNNED at the INCREDIBLY bad acting in this series? I return to it time and again just to laugh.
Anyway, Rick and Darren coming home, with extra prodding of magic and hopefully returning to a Normal Life (tm)
And we're all pretending the last post didn't happen :)
It was no good. I’d looked everywhere. It wasn’t like things were difficult to find anyway, Darren was such a fucking neat freak. He follows around behind me like a nagging shadow putting things back where he says they should go (of course, that means I had to look for everything - yeah,. They were easy to find, but nothing was where I expected it to be).
No, there was only one explanation. Some bastard had stolen all of my computer games, DVDs and games consoles. And I had a suspicion who it might be… Time to take steps.
I grinned as I entered the room, a nice predatory grin, if I did say so myself. Of course, Darren always said that I looked like I was on the verge of laughing and trying not to, like a kid in church. Screw him, he’s just jealous of my evil grin of doom. If there had been any doubt in my mind about the guilty party, it faded then minute I saw the incredibly smug look on Darren’s face. There’s no real expression, it’s like a self-satisfied aura around him. You can almost feel it in the air. Of course, part of that could be Ghost beeping softly in the Organiser on the coffee table (I knew I’d put it somewhere - not there of course, but that’s where Darren always put it if I was stupid enough to let it leave my fingers for half a mili-second) which had its own fucking aura of supreme smugness. Even the cat radiated smugness. Of course, he always kind of did, I guess it was a daemon thing. Or a cat thing. Great, the whole household had collaborated against me.
Good, means I don’t have to be guilty about a collective revenge.
“My stuff is missing.”
Darren looked up idly from the business letters he was browsing through. “Your ‘stuff’? I advise you see a doctor.”
I gave him my best glare. “Ha fucking ha. My DVDs and games and stuff, what did you do with it?”
“I believe it’s called an intervention. After your sojourn in the spirit world it became clear that you have several unhealthy obsessions. I have raised a hundred zombies, but have yet to meet one that moaned ‘braaaaaaiiinnnns.’ Nor do I think Italian plumbers make especially good warriors.”
Remember Rick, we’re doing it out of love, we may seem hard on you but it comes from a place of love. You just need to take your life one step at a time. We’ll help you with the Programme. Trust in a higher pow-
“Thou dist say that a Higher Power was the Third step.” The cat put in.
First step isn’t it?
“I thought first step was him admitting he had a problem?” Darren added.
Nah, we switched that to us accusing him judgementally instead. The new fundamentalist version.
“Either way, it’s too early for the Higher Power bit.”
Let’s do the condensed version - twelve steps are an awful lot for him to remember, he’s bound to forget a couple.
“Nay, I want the Higher Power. Or Lower Power.” The cat grinned.
Nu-uh pussy cat, I’m his spirit guide, if anyone’s playing Higher Power, it’s me.
“You’ve been guiding him, what, eight or nine years? And how would you rate your success, Mr. Ghost.” Darren pulled out a suspiciously corporate piece of paper. “Do you consider that your goals have been adequately met? If so, do you think they were appropriate for the modern competitive spirit guide market?” I started to edge out of the room - a corporate evaluation survey? Alas, Camaalis was right! My boyfriend really is evil.
I amused myself considerably.
“And do you consider that to be a suitable goal in the modern corporate world especially as a modern, cutting edge techno-spirit?”
In the modern corporate world wry amusement is the ONLY realistic goal
“Point.”
“We abandon the matter at hand. I am the Lower Power,” the cat rumbled.
Nope, Microsoft is.
“He has to entrust his life to Microsoft?” Darren raised an eyebrow worriedly.
Cool, I want to see the human equivalent of a Blue Screen of Death.
“Blue Screen of Death? It sounds like a demon on bad acid.” Darren smiled. Be still my heart, an actual smile. I’d be happier if it were for a better reason.
It’s actually a pretty vile and dangerous techno spirit. I could call one if…
“AHEM.” Time to cut them off right now. The longer they talk, the eviller they get. They’re a fucking bad influence on each other, really. And how weird is it that I’m complaining about that? “Can we get back to my stuff. You’ve stolen it, I want it back. Or else.”
Oh this should be funny.
“Master Darren, methinks you will have a good night tonight.” The cat grinned. How can a cat grin?
Darren smiled and it was full of fucking heat, evil thoughts and nasty little suggestions. Reaaaal nice, something for later, definitely.
“Nope, I’m, not torturing information out of a masochist - that’s for play time later. I’ve got a much better way of punishing you all.” I pull my latest fetish from my pocket, a tiny little flash drive -it’s only used to store the spirit, not harness it. It was surprisingly easy to convince the spirit to take up residence…
A new fetish?
“Why does that plastic key fob have ‘Justice’ written on it in day-glo colours? It’s even less tasteful than most of your clothing,” Darren’s mouth twisted like he was looking at something vile. Oh, and he’s going to pay for the clothes comment.
“I had to convince the spirit to take up residence somehow. Of course, promising her she could study Sorcery helped.” See, they weren’t the only ones who could be evil. I tweaked off the plastic cap from the end. The spirit came forth in a wave of sparkles.
“Oooooh, Darren-sama, teach me the secrets of Sorcery! I will use it to bring good and joy to the world, with that power I could bring JUSTICE to everyone!!”
Darren’s jaw dropped - I am so fucking good. Or is that evil. “You monster. How could you? I thought it was dead!”
I gave him my best evil grin. “Nope, just sleeping, it’s very hard to truly kill a spirit, there’s usually some spare avatars lying around you can power up. Now, give me my stuff back or I’m plugging her into ever- ow, fuck!!”
My hand had three nasty scratches on it. Fuck, ow, why did cat scratches hurt so much? Ahrimadan grinned at me, my flash drive nestled between his paws. Sure he had my full glaring attention,. The fucking cat busily began chomping down the fetish. Cat’s jaws shouldn’t be able to munch through metal and plastic, they really shouldn’t. But then, most cats couldn’t consume spirits as well. Of course, I had to get Darren a fucking evil demon cat didn’t I.
“Fine, but when you have to take the fucking flea bag to the vets with justice induced indigestion don’t expect ME to drive.” I stormed out of the room, ignoring the evil bastards’ laughter that chased me out. I’ll have the last laugh, all my stuff has its spirit awakened - a quick ritual and I’ll find them and then subject them all to an anime marathon. Ha!
But first I’m going to get some stuff for tonight, Darren is sooooo going to pay for this.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-02 06:39 am (UTC)Gahahaha so funny!
Eeeeevil. deffinately evil. Pity it didn't work. ;-P
Jarrod: A Vile and cruel trick. I am amused, but glad it didn't come to frution. Now I look forward to some torture.
Ahem.. umm Jarrod? It's probably not going to be the gorey bloody torture you like so much.
J: it isn't?
Nope. just the happy fun kind of torture.
J: awww... well that is entertaining to a lesser degree at least.
*just shakes heas*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-04 10:07 pm (UTC)Heee, they amuse me. They really do. And it was evil and wrong - they're all evil and wrong actually. Think of the horrors they could uinleash on the world if their evil and wrongness was ever inflicted on others.
They're twisted, but even their happy fun kind of torture isn't gory bloody torture