No.17. Darren's throwing angst again
May. 22nd, 2003 12:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessI actually expected to get this bit done in one post. One post, one small fic, it hardly required loads, but then the guys went and had a big emotional moment in the middle of my simple work. One of these days I'll have control of what I'm writing... right?
“That one’s cute, and it looks kinda like Darren. I’ll take it.”
The pet shop owner looks at me weirdly; alright it’s not every day you compare boyfriend’s to cats, but it does. It’s pure black from tail tip to nose, with these metallic golden eyes. They’re real dark and deep. He’s not a kitten but he’s small, delicate and moves like black water. Besides he looks at everything as if wondering how to kill it. He’s got an absolutely evil stare. Heh, I’d call him a cute kitty but I think he’d remember and plot revenge.
Getting him home is easy - convincing him that the upholstery of my car isn’t fucking edible much harder. I gave him Ghost’s palm top to chew on - that should keep both of them busy for a while.
Shit, Darren hasn’t moved an inch. The sky’s darkened, the sun long gone and Darren’s just sat there staring out the window. It’d be peaceful if it weren't so fucking creepy. I’ve so gotta snap him out of it.
“Yo Darren.” He doesn’t even blink. Fine, more than one way to skin a cat. I stalk over to him and drape myself over his shoulders, one hand working down his chest, smoothing over his stomach, down between his thighs. My other hand catches his chin and gently turns his face to mine. He has time to blink in surprise before my lips meet his. He’s still against my touch for an instant, before melting into me, I hold his chin firm as I taste him, explore him, luxuriate in the heat of his mouth. I work his lips with my teeth, gently... then not so gently, I just want to eat him down. It kills me to break the kiss, all thought leaves, I just want to rip his clothes off, to see the hardness I feel under my hand.
I pull away, and who says I don’t have any fucking willpower? “You back with me Darren?” I’m not sure he is. His eyes are unfocused and he has this slightly goofy little smile on his face. Fuck, I love the effect I can have on him. Still, business first, then pleasure the rest of the night and all tomorrow, right?
“Shit, Darren, snap out of it. I’ve got something to show you.” His smile begins to widen a little... what? Well, fuck, he has changed!
“I said snap out of it, something besides that!” He shrugs, though I think his pale cheeks colour just a little. Well, shit, looks like his evilness can still blush!
“You’re normally rather predictable, Rick. You can’t blame me for making perfectly reasonable assumptions.”
“Hey, are you calling me sex mad?” He answers with a bland look. Well, we’ll see how fucking long he goes before we get all sweaty again! Ok, fine, we all know who’ll break first, but the don’t make me fucking sex mad. Right?
“Fine, I, your loving and forgiving boyfriend, will weather the slings and arrows of your scorn,” hey, it’s nearly a literary reference right? Gotta get points for that! “And still give you a present. You can worship me as perfect later!”
I think I’ll always be fucking amazed by Darren’s talent, he can say “fuck you,” “What the hell you talking about,” or “You’re a fucking idiot,” with no more than a look. At the minute I’m getting a “this better be fucking good” look. Ok, he’d probably do it without the swearing, but shit, he never swears.
Without further ado I plonk the cat down in front of him. It glares at us then begins to wash itself.
“Ta-da! Well, what d’you think?”
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “It’s a cat...?”
“Yup, now you can get all familiar with it, right?” and maybe then he’d start feeling better, and look less like he’s dying bit by bit.
“Get all familiar? Ye gods, Rick, what do you expect me to do to the poor creature?” He looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. Fuck, sex has a bad affect on him!
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it sounds sick. Shit, I’m not that bad! I mean, you can make this cat your familiar, right? Y’know, magick bond and all that shit? I... um... I thought it’d make you feel better...?”
His face has gone blank, I reach out and stroke his cheek. Is he mad with me? He sighs and looks sad.
“I’m sorry Rick. It just need some time... I need to rethink what I am and where I’m going. The mall... well, it showed me how weak I had become... how frayed my control. I... I don’t want to hurt you Rick.”
I reach over and drag him to me, ignoring his half protests. I clutch him to my chest, holding him so tight I think I might be hurting him.
“You won’t ever hurt me, Darren, never. I know that. And nothing you can do could possibly hurt me as much as seeing you in pain. Please, Ghost says the familiar would help. He may be a pain in the ass, but he knows his stuff; he’s not fucking around on this. Please let me help.”
“You got Ghost on this?” He pulls away slightly so he can look up at me, his dark blue eyes looking into mine. “Why, Rick? Why do you put up with me? You risk a horrible death just being near me, why?”
“Why? How can you ask that? I fucking love you, you idiot. You’re mine, I’m not letting you go!” My voice is fierce, and my grip tightens. He’s mine! I’ll never leave him, no matter what!
“Why, Rick, why?!” His voice sounds almost frantic... “How? You waste your love to pull me back from the brink! You can only hold me back so long! I will fall Rick, you know that! I will fall, and I’ll end up dragging you down with me!” His body shakes and soft, silver tears flow down his cheeks.
“It’s love, Darren. You don’t have to know why or how. It’s fucking love, it just is. You are my heart, my soul and my life now. And I don’t care how dark, how dangerous or how evil you are. I don’t fucking care how tortured, how angst ridden or how fucking depressed you are.” I shake him. Not gently; his hair flies around him. “I don’t fucking care. You hear me? ‘Cos I fucking love you, and no matter how many people you kill, how much damage you do, or how often your try to kill me, guess what? I’ll still fucking love you. You are mine. And you always will be, if I have to chain you to the bed, you always will be. Got it?”
I try to catch my breath. I’m panting and hoarse, I’ve been fucking screaming at him. I shook him so hard that he sways, dizzy and off balance. I loosen my grip, and know my fingers will have left bruises in his flesh. Shit, I didn’t think I’d be the one to loose control. I open my mouth to apologise before getting a good look at his face.
He’s smiling, a small smile, but one that’s so... pure. There’s no other word for it. His eyes glisten with unshed tears, and he launches himself at me. The movement’s so quick that the cat, already backing of, scrabbles across the floor to the other side of the room. Darren leaps at me, wraps his arms around my neck and pulls as close as he can to me.
“Rick.. thank you. You are my anchor. You do hold me back from the brink; and even if it is only temporary, you make every dark moment light. You lift the shadows from my eyes, you bring hope in my greatest despair. You are my anchor. You are my life. You are my spark in darkness.”
I hold him too me and I know my grin’s goofy. Shit, I love this guy...
“So you gonna listen to me? Going to let me help?” I know the answer, I don’t think he could say no right now.
“Yes... please, help me.”
I don’t know how much those words cost him, but I know they weren’t cheap. “Then let’s get that cat, gorgeous and see about getting you a familiar, something to share the darkness with, ok?”
“ok...”
“That one’s cute, and it looks kinda like Darren. I’ll take it.”
The pet shop owner looks at me weirdly; alright it’s not every day you compare boyfriend’s to cats, but it does. It’s pure black from tail tip to nose, with these metallic golden eyes. They’re real dark and deep. He’s not a kitten but he’s small, delicate and moves like black water. Besides he looks at everything as if wondering how to kill it. He’s got an absolutely evil stare. Heh, I’d call him a cute kitty but I think he’d remember and plot revenge.
Getting him home is easy - convincing him that the upholstery of my car isn’t fucking edible much harder. I gave him Ghost’s palm top to chew on - that should keep both of them busy for a while.
Shit, Darren hasn’t moved an inch. The sky’s darkened, the sun long gone and Darren’s just sat there staring out the window. It’d be peaceful if it weren't so fucking creepy. I’ve so gotta snap him out of it.
“Yo Darren.” He doesn’t even blink. Fine, more than one way to skin a cat. I stalk over to him and drape myself over his shoulders, one hand working down his chest, smoothing over his stomach, down between his thighs. My other hand catches his chin and gently turns his face to mine. He has time to blink in surprise before my lips meet his. He’s still against my touch for an instant, before melting into me, I hold his chin firm as I taste him, explore him, luxuriate in the heat of his mouth. I work his lips with my teeth, gently... then not so gently, I just want to eat him down. It kills me to break the kiss, all thought leaves, I just want to rip his clothes off, to see the hardness I feel under my hand.
I pull away, and who says I don’t have any fucking willpower? “You back with me Darren?” I’m not sure he is. His eyes are unfocused and he has this slightly goofy little smile on his face. Fuck, I love the effect I can have on him. Still, business first, then pleasure the rest of the night and all tomorrow, right?
“Shit, Darren, snap out of it. I’ve got something to show you.” His smile begins to widen a little... what? Well, fuck, he has changed!
“I said snap out of it, something besides that!” He shrugs, though I think his pale cheeks colour just a little. Well, shit, looks like his evilness can still blush!
“You’re normally rather predictable, Rick. You can’t blame me for making perfectly reasonable assumptions.”
“Hey, are you calling me sex mad?” He answers with a bland look. Well, we’ll see how fucking long he goes before we get all sweaty again! Ok, fine, we all know who’ll break first, but the don’t make me fucking sex mad. Right?
“Fine, I, your loving and forgiving boyfriend, will weather the slings and arrows of your scorn,” hey, it’s nearly a literary reference right? Gotta get points for that! “And still give you a present. You can worship me as perfect later!”
I think I’ll always be fucking amazed by Darren’s talent, he can say “fuck you,” “What the hell you talking about,” or “You’re a fucking idiot,” with no more than a look. At the minute I’m getting a “this better be fucking good” look. Ok, he’d probably do it without the swearing, but shit, he never swears.
Without further ado I plonk the cat down in front of him. It glares at us then begins to wash itself.
“Ta-da! Well, what d’you think?”
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “It’s a cat...?”
“Yup, now you can get all familiar with it, right?” and maybe then he’d start feeling better, and look less like he’s dying bit by bit.
“Get all familiar? Ye gods, Rick, what do you expect me to do to the poor creature?” He looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. Fuck, sex has a bad affect on him!
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it sounds sick. Shit, I’m not that bad! I mean, you can make this cat your familiar, right? Y’know, magick bond and all that shit? I... um... I thought it’d make you feel better...?”
His face has gone blank, I reach out and stroke his cheek. Is he mad with me? He sighs and looks sad.
“I’m sorry Rick. It just need some time... I need to rethink what I am and where I’m going. The mall... well, it showed me how weak I had become... how frayed my control. I... I don’t want to hurt you Rick.”
I reach over and drag him to me, ignoring his half protests. I clutch him to my chest, holding him so tight I think I might be hurting him.
“You won’t ever hurt me, Darren, never. I know that. And nothing you can do could possibly hurt me as much as seeing you in pain. Please, Ghost says the familiar would help. He may be a pain in the ass, but he knows his stuff; he’s not fucking around on this. Please let me help.”
“You got Ghost on this?” He pulls away slightly so he can look up at me, his dark blue eyes looking into mine. “Why, Rick? Why do you put up with me? You risk a horrible death just being near me, why?”
“Why? How can you ask that? I fucking love you, you idiot. You’re mine, I’m not letting you go!” My voice is fierce, and my grip tightens. He’s mine! I’ll never leave him, no matter what!
“Why, Rick, why?!” His voice sounds almost frantic... “How? You waste your love to pull me back from the brink! You can only hold me back so long! I will fall Rick, you know that! I will fall, and I’ll end up dragging you down with me!” His body shakes and soft, silver tears flow down his cheeks.
“It’s love, Darren. You don’t have to know why or how. It’s fucking love, it just is. You are my heart, my soul and my life now. And I don’t care how dark, how dangerous or how evil you are. I don’t fucking care how tortured, how angst ridden or how fucking depressed you are.” I shake him. Not gently; his hair flies around him. “I don’t fucking care. You hear me? ‘Cos I fucking love you, and no matter how many people you kill, how much damage you do, or how often your try to kill me, guess what? I’ll still fucking love you. You are mine. And you always will be, if I have to chain you to the bed, you always will be. Got it?”
I try to catch my breath. I’m panting and hoarse, I’ve been fucking screaming at him. I shook him so hard that he sways, dizzy and off balance. I loosen my grip, and know my fingers will have left bruises in his flesh. Shit, I didn’t think I’d be the one to loose control. I open my mouth to apologise before getting a good look at his face.
He’s smiling, a small smile, but one that’s so... pure. There’s no other word for it. His eyes glisten with unshed tears, and he launches himself at me. The movement’s so quick that the cat, already backing of, scrabbles across the floor to the other side of the room. Darren leaps at me, wraps his arms around my neck and pulls as close as he can to me.
“Rick.. thank you. You are my anchor. You do hold me back from the brink; and even if it is only temporary, you make every dark moment light. You lift the shadows from my eyes, you bring hope in my greatest despair. You are my anchor. You are my life. You are my spark in darkness.”
I hold him too me and I know my grin’s goofy. Shit, I love this guy...
“So you gonna listen to me? Going to let me help?” I know the answer, I don’t think he could say no right now.
“Yes... please, help me.”
I don’t know how much those words cost him, but I know they weren’t cheap. “Then let’s get that cat, gorgeous and see about getting you a familiar, something to share the darkness with, ok?”
“ok...”