This is wrong - blame my forums
Jan. 11th, 2004 09:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparkindarknessFor some reasosn the person known only as Elf posted the following:
Due to circumstances beyond our control (temporary insanity) the cast of Lord Of The Rings is being revised and the new movie will replace the old with the following:
Aragorn _ George W. Bush
Legolas - Tony Blair
Gimili - Neil Cavuto
Galdalf - Ronald Reagan
Frodo - Rush Limbaugh
Sam - Sean Hannity
Pippin - Ben Stiller
Merry - Robin Williams
King Theoden - Rudy Giuliani
GrimmaWormtongue- Sean Penn
Sauron - Osama
Saruman - Saddam
RingWraiths - Howard Dean - John Kerry - Wesley Clark -
John Edwards - Joe Lieberman - Al Sharpton -
Dick Gephardt - Dennis Kucinich
Witch King - Bill Clinton
TreeBeard - Arnold Schwartzenager
Eowyn - Ann Coulter
Arwen - Laura Bush
Needless to say I had to follow up on this and will probably be doing so more. The first short bit of dialogue was:
Oh ye gods! Those mental images are going to stay with me for a long time.
Gandalf: Come Aragorn, we must take the armies of Gondor to the very black gates themselves!
Aragorn: No, we must attack Rohan, Theodrin has weapons of mass destruction! Don't you agree Legolas?
Legolas: Yes your majesty!
Gandalf: Not that it matters, Frodo's gone and hocked the ring for another fix.
Follwoed by:
Ah, when we last left our heroes, things looked bleak for middle earth. With Frodo poping Xanax in some lost part of the Shire, the ring in the hands of some unknown pawn shop (it was later revealed that this vital asset needed for the stable future of all people in Middle Earth was sold to one of the first new multi-national corporations - but it's Ok because Aragorn declared we can trust them and don't need to make sure they're careful). At the same time Aragorn is leading a crusade against Theodrin who is apparently harbouring weapons of mass destruction - whatever they are - and terrorits. After much study Elrond has decided that this means "people Aragorn doesn't like". Surely all is lost!
But no, look to the forces of the dark. All is not well between the Two Towers
Saruman: The Union of the Two Towers is complete - now together we will... YOU!
Sauron: YOU! Godless infidel!
Saruman: Supersitious lunatic!
Sauron: Oh yeah? Come here and say that!
Saruman: Hah, only because you don't have a body and can't come here! Got no body! Got no body! *childish capering*
Sauron: I'll have you for that! I'm sending out the Nazgul, then you'll be sorrrrrrry!
And the world did gasp - did this mean the Two Towers were not united as had always been claimed with such confidence?!
Saruman stood strong against Sauron whose plotting was all for nought since the Nazgul, rather than fight their true foe, spent most of the time bickering and sniping at each other instead. In the end they totally destroyed each other, with all the weaker ganging up to bring down the stronger who had the best chance of defeating their foe.
And yea, the Elf Queen Galadriel and Lord Elrond did look upon this scene and declare humans to be very silly people, and took the fastest boat they could find to the undying lands.
Due to circumstances beyond our control (temporary insanity) the cast of Lord Of The Rings is being revised and the new movie will replace the old with the following:
Aragorn _ George W. Bush
Legolas - Tony Blair
Gimili - Neil Cavuto
Galdalf - Ronald Reagan
Frodo - Rush Limbaugh
Sam - Sean Hannity
Pippin - Ben Stiller
Merry - Robin Williams
King Theoden - Rudy Giuliani
GrimmaWormtongue- Sean Penn
Sauron - Osama
Saruman - Saddam
RingWraiths - Howard Dean - John Kerry - Wesley Clark -
John Edwards - Joe Lieberman - Al Sharpton -
Dick Gephardt - Dennis Kucinich
Witch King - Bill Clinton
TreeBeard - Arnold Schwartzenager
Eowyn - Ann Coulter
Arwen - Laura Bush
Needless to say I had to follow up on this and will probably be doing so more. The first short bit of dialogue was:
Oh ye gods! Those mental images are going to stay with me for a long time.
Gandalf: Come Aragorn, we must take the armies of Gondor to the very black gates themselves!
Aragorn: No, we must attack Rohan, Theodrin has weapons of mass destruction! Don't you agree Legolas?
Legolas: Yes your majesty!
Gandalf: Not that it matters, Frodo's gone and hocked the ring for another fix.
Follwoed by:
Ah, when we last left our heroes, things looked bleak for middle earth. With Frodo poping Xanax in some lost part of the Shire, the ring in the hands of some unknown pawn shop (it was later revealed that this vital asset needed for the stable future of all people in Middle Earth was sold to one of the first new multi-national corporations - but it's Ok because Aragorn declared we can trust them and don't need to make sure they're careful). At the same time Aragorn is leading a crusade against Theodrin who is apparently harbouring weapons of mass destruction - whatever they are - and terrorits. After much study Elrond has decided that this means "people Aragorn doesn't like". Surely all is lost!
But no, look to the forces of the dark. All is not well between the Two Towers
Saruman: The Union of the Two Towers is complete - now together we will... YOU!
Sauron: YOU! Godless infidel!
Saruman: Supersitious lunatic!
Sauron: Oh yeah? Come here and say that!
Saruman: Hah, only because you don't have a body and can't come here! Got no body! Got no body! *childish capering*
Sauron: I'll have you for that! I'm sending out the Nazgul, then you'll be sorrrrrrry!
And the world did gasp - did this mean the Two Towers were not united as had always been claimed with such confidence?!
Saruman stood strong against Sauron whose plotting was all for nought since the Nazgul, rather than fight their true foe, spent most of the time bickering and sniping at each other instead. In the end they totally destroyed each other, with all the weaker ganging up to bring down the stronger who had the best chance of defeating their foe.
And yea, the Elf Queen Galadriel and Lord Elrond did look upon this scene and declare humans to be very silly people, and took the fastest boat they could find to the undying lands.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-11 11:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-13 05:25 pm (UTC)Okay, that's way too funny.
And, you know, mildly depressing.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-14 05:00 pm (UTC)I must fight not to write satire! I have fic to write!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-14 05:08 pm (UTC)ummm... medic?