Thank you. Can I sign this? For I agree so much. I think the standards for "proper" masculine behaviour in our society are often ridiculous, contradictory, and actively harmful (in extension to all people, because men don't live in a vacuum). I struggled (struggle?) a lot with this, especially because I'm trans and my "effeminacy" or rejection of certain 'manly' standards or hobbies was often used against me to somehow prove that I couldn't be a man, I was just a woman with issues. In fact, fear of rejection for being "not man enough" kept me from seeking professional treatment for a long time. But it's also really helpful when a cis guy talks about this. It makes me feel better about myself, seeing that other men, who lived as male since birth, reject those standards as well and struggle just as much.
As for the stereotypes about gay men, I find the contradictory standards really strange -- as you pointed out, for many people you are either "too gay" or "not gay enough". You are being chided for acting stereotypically, but then they're either disappointed if you don't confirm their prejudices, or suddenly you're backstabbing the GLBT movement by living in a monogamous relationship that doesn't look 'different' enough from heterosexual partnerships. And, well, I'd be the last person to say that homo- and bisexual lives are just the same as heterosexual ones, because we don't live in an equal society and that creates different needs and problems for people, so clearly there are differences that shouldn't be swept under the rug. But when you are a person on the GLBT spectrum telling queer people how to live and love, it's not less damaging or hurtful just because you aren't cis and/or het.
Gah, I could ramble on and on. Apparently your post hit a nerve. Thanks again for writing it. I'm so going to quote you on my Tumblr
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-27 07:16 pm (UTC)As for the stereotypes about gay men, I find the contradictory standards really strange -- as you pointed out, for many people you are either "too gay" or "not gay enough". You are being chided for acting stereotypically, but then they're either disappointed if you don't confirm their prejudices, or suddenly you're backstabbing the GLBT movement by living in a monogamous relationship that doesn't look 'different' enough from heterosexual partnerships. And, well, I'd be the last person to say that homo- and bisexual lives are just the same as heterosexual ones, because we don't live in an equal society and that creates different needs and problems for people, so clearly there are differences that shouldn't be swept under the rug. But when you are a person on the GLBT spectrum telling queer people how to live and love, it's not less damaging or hurtful just because you aren't cis and/or het.
Gah, I could ramble on and on. Apparently your post hit a nerve. Thanks again for writing it.
I'm so going to quote you on my Tumblr