It kind of spoils a righteous moment

[sparkindarkness]

When you storm in in a blaze of energy, righteous anger positivelyu spilling off you to find that Senior Partner is actually not there. Of course he's not there. I've known all week he would be out of town today (see, i left a day gap to simmer and rage cool down)

Thankfully Secondary partner was there. Which is of the good - because secondary partner listens and thinks. She's actually spooky like that. You will sit and talk to her and she woin;t interrupt, she won't say anything she won't change expression, she will just suck alllllll the knowledge in, then spend a minute or so digesting it and only THEN will she answer. So I spoke to her.

I have the impression that she doesn't quite get WHY the APOLOGY was so important to me (she gets why it was offensive but not why it was so very very offensive), but she does get that it is important, kinda gets the context and the impact of it and above all gets that I'm not impressed and she fully gets the picture thing in wince engendring detail

So, she (largely) understands. Better, I sure she gets it on a "Damn that was a horrible thing to do to him" level rather than a "damn, one of our people is being hysterical let's quieten him down" level or a "damn one of our people is going to sue us" level. Which is progress.

I'm still frustrated and need to have it out with him just to clear the air and not have it hanging over me.

Comments

[speaks.livejournal.com]

Good luck!

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

Step in the correct direction at least. Go Secondary Partner.

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

of course, isn't that way it always goes?
but hey, there's still Progress. 2ndary Partner sounds like a reasonable human. good luck. <3

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Yes. That.

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this would help, or if it's even a reasonable idea, but would having Secondary Partner sit in on your talk with Senior Partner be useful in any way?

[hippieflowergal.livejournal.com]

It is progress. At least she listened to you without interrupting. I hope you get the apology you richly deserve.

[helbling.livejournal.com]

This.

[jerril]

Indeed, I wish you luck, good karma, and for Senior Partner to be as understanding.

I think you've posted before about what to do when someone tells you that you've said something offensive. (IE: Apologize properly for doing it and make a note not to do it again)

Hopefully Senior Partner has had someone else give him that sort of advice, or is enough of an experienced human being that he figured it out for himself.

I suppose the ideal result is that you have your talk with him, and he looks vaguely horrified when he realizes what he did - like my friend did when I had to have the conversation with her about using a particular racial epithet. It means he was basically being thoughtless and ignorant (two very human conditions, and thankfully curable ones) rather than bigoted (also human, harder to correct).

[suryaofvulcan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you had a productive conversation with Other Partner. And maybe it'll all sink in for her over the weekend.

Of course Senior Partner still need to be hit with the clue-bat (or haddock), but Other Partner's reaction must be encouraging at least.

Hang in there, and good luck.

[thechenster.livejournal.com]

good luck!

[thisdaydreamer.livejournal.com]

I am very glad that this conversation went so well. Let's hope that Senior Partner also gets it.

[mandragora1.livejournal.com]

Catching up on LJ and have now read your earlier post. I was horrified to read what happened. I just hope that once it's explained to the senior partner he gets why you're so justifiably hurt and angry.

Hopefully he was coming from a 'must keep the client happy' prespective and with those blinkers on he wasn't thinking just how offensive what he suggested you should do is. The client is, of course, an unreasonable, homophobic, pathetic wanker.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I did secondary partner a disservice here. She got it - totally, bnut of course wasn't going top say "my god he was an arsehole" until she spoke to him

Which apparently she did before AND after I got to him. At length

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I think I have all 3 - to various degrees.

Well i think secondary partner has spoken to him. A lot. And quite loudly. So whether it was good advice I don't know but it's promising that someone at the top 100% gets it.

He weasn't exactly horrified but he was perturbed at how unhappy I was

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Aye aye :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Well probably best because at the time I was still.... raaaather vehement.

Second partner is reasonable and has been bagdering 1st partner - I trust her to fill the holes in his understanding :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I didn't consider that. What I do know is that she has been working on him behind the scenes which helped a lot

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

She always does that - she's an incredible listener.

I want my nice safe status quo back. yes yes I do

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

In retrospect, i think it sunk in immediately, but she couldn't leap up and say "this terrible thing should not have happened, let us attack him with wet fish and fierce canines!" because she needed to speak to him too

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

thankeee

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I think he has, kinda sorta, hopefully. And I know she's going to pick at him to make sure he does

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I think he gets it to a degree - not quite the way I'd hope but well enough.

Aye, pure cluelessness and a desire to end a drama as quickly and smoothly as possible. The client is scum, we shall have no more scum pandering