Hmmmm! When it rains it pours and you seem to have been very busy!
I'm liking where this is headed, but if I may present to you my ceaseless questions.
It mentions orcs and elves and regular people, but where did these peoples come from? Where they made or fostered by certain dragons? Like did Silver or Green foster beings that would eventually become the Elves? Did Black do the same which became orcs? What pushed the orcs to keep following? How prevelant was the race if it just drove all other races out? or was it orcs just despised the humans for some reason?
In this part, -For many hours through the day and into the night She was silent before she lowered her head and a tear ran from her eye. “I am ashamed.” She said.- I think there needs to be a little bit more, or at least something that keeps the farmer there waiting for hours while the dragon just sits there. It's not mentioned whether he stays out of reverence or he could just very well assume the dragon won't help him and he could be disillusioned and leave. What keeps him there for hours until he finally gets a tear and three words.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for action, but I'd love more description of the battle and maybe the powers Goldie has when she shows up in war.
"he took no wife, instead honouring the golden Dragon who had saved them and in time he presented magnificent jewel like eggs to the People and called them his children."
*smirk* Did he now? Honoring. Is that what the young people are calling it these days? :P
This one has an ending but maybe needs a little work on describing the setup of just where these Houses are and if the dragons are living there in that village or city or if they still keep to their lairs. Also, where do the Orcs flee back to or are they all destroyed?
Heh I have barraged you with lots of questions, but it's habit by now as I've beta read lots of other people's work and evaluated lots of RPG char sheets and back stories. I hope my questions aren't bothering, only inspiring.
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Date: 2009-03-27 10:05 pm (UTC)I'm liking where this is headed, but if I may present to you my ceaseless questions.
It mentions orcs and elves and regular people, but where did these peoples come from? Where they made or fostered by certain dragons? Like did Silver or Green foster beings that would eventually become the Elves? Did Black do the same which became orcs? What pushed the orcs to keep following? How prevelant was the race if it just drove all other races out? or was it orcs just despised the humans for some reason?
In this part, -For many hours through the day and into the night She was silent before she lowered her head and a tear ran from her eye. “I am ashamed.” She said.- I think there needs to be a little bit more, or at least something that keeps the farmer there waiting for hours while the dragon just sits there. It's not mentioned whether he stays out of reverence or he could just very well assume the dragon won't help him and he could be disillusioned and leave. What keeps him there for hours until he finally gets a tear and three words.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for action, but I'd love more description of the battle and maybe the powers Goldie has when she shows up in war.
"he took no wife, instead honouring the golden Dragon who had saved them and in time he presented magnificent jewel like eggs to the People and called them his children."
*smirk* Did he now? Honoring. Is that what the young people are calling it these days? :P
This one has an ending but maybe needs a little work on describing the setup of just where these Houses are and if the dragons are living there in that village or city or if they still keep to their lairs. Also, where do the Orcs flee back to or are they all destroyed?
Heh I have barraged you with lots of questions, but it's habit by now as I've beta read lots of other people's work and evaluated lots of RPG char sheets and back stories. I hope my questions aren't bothering, only inspiring.