I concur, absolutely and unequivocally, especially with the part about targeting the bigots not the victims as I am as guilty of that as the next person.
My stepdaughter is transgender and when she first came out one of the things that both myself and my partner balked at was the fact that she wore dresses and heeled shoes. For us this was a gross skewing of what we perceived as 'our' gender; we tended towards DMs and dungerees and had encouraged all our kids to break out of gender stereotyped roles, so to have this - what seemed at the time - strange creature appear in our midst dressed in short skirts, midriff revealing tops and high heeled pumps felt almost like a betrayal. And yes, the initial reaction was to lash out at her.
What we didn't realise was that this form of dress is encouraged by the mental health professionals who 'diagnose' and 'treat' transgender people. Despite the fact that a large number of women spend their days in jeans or suit pants, for some of these professionals the bit about 'living as a woman' - a prerequisite for gender realignment surgery - seems to be synonymous with wearing full make-up, high heels and floaty dresses, and getting a real man to fix the car.
As a society, we seem so determined to draw hard and fast lines between the genders that the minute anyone threatens to cross them, they have to be reinforced. 'You want to be a woman/man? Then you have to do this, this and this,' despite the fact that if the transgender person had been born with a body which corresponded to their gender, they quite possibly would not choose to express themselves through that type of clothing or behaviour.
Add in media representation of what a woman is and really there's no wonder that a clash occurred - it dragged questions about the precise nature of femaleness and femininity out into the spotlight and made for a hideously uncomfortable time for us all. My partner and I were too insecure to see beyond the clothing, and our daughter to the sexual politics which lay beyond her need for self expression. Ironically if she had chosen full body tattoos or piercings, we probably would have done little more than bat an eyelid. But on the same level, had she been born in a female body, we would probably have had the same issues with her clothing choices.
Now, being older and wiser, I understand that it's bigoted and narrow minded attitudes towards gender - including my own at the time - that I have the problem with, not my stepdaughter. And I regret, deeply, the pain I caused at the time.
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Date: 2009-03-25 05:39 pm (UTC)My stepdaughter is transgender and when she first came out one of the things that both myself and my partner balked at was the fact that she wore dresses and heeled shoes. For us this was a gross skewing of what we perceived as 'our' gender; we tended towards DMs and dungerees and had encouraged all our kids to break out of gender stereotyped roles, so to have this - what seemed at the time - strange creature appear in our midst dressed in short skirts, midriff revealing tops and high heeled pumps felt almost like a betrayal. And yes, the initial reaction was to lash out at her.
What we didn't realise was that this form of dress is encouraged by the mental health professionals who 'diagnose' and 'treat' transgender people. Despite the fact that a large number of women spend their days in jeans or suit pants, for some of these professionals the bit about 'living as a woman' - a prerequisite for gender realignment surgery - seems to be synonymous with wearing full make-up, high heels and floaty dresses, and getting a real man to fix the car.
As a society, we seem so determined to draw hard and fast lines between the genders that the minute anyone threatens to cross them, they have to be reinforced. 'You want to be a woman/man? Then you have to do this, this and this,' despite the fact that if the transgender person had been born with a body which corresponded to their gender, they quite possibly would not choose to express themselves through that type of clothing or behaviour.
Add in media representation of what a woman is and really there's no wonder that a clash occurred - it dragged questions about the precise nature of femaleness and femininity out into the spotlight and made for a hideously uncomfortable time for us all. My partner and I were too insecure to see beyond the clothing, and our daughter to the sexual politics which lay beyond her need for self expression. Ironically if she had chosen full body tattoos or piercings, we probably would have done little more than bat an eyelid. But on the same level, had she been born in a female body, we would probably have had the same issues with her clothing choices.
Now, being older and wiser, I understand that it's bigoted and narrow minded attitudes towards gender - including my own at the time - that I have the problem with, not my stepdaughter. And I regret, deeply, the pain I caused at the time.