Getting through my Yule-tide book acquisition #2

[sparkindarkness]

Oh dear. I think I left Swallowing Darkness on top of Blood Noir and all the porn leaked from one to the other.

Blood Noir is everything I hate in the later Anita Blake novels. It manages to actually be worse than Harlequin - which is saying something. Harlequin was dire but had plot (small plot, badly damaged, crying because it was lonely, but it was there). Bloode Noir doesn't even have that much

It’s not just the unnecessary number of sex scenes, it’s just about all the issues surrounding sex as well that is driving me mad now.



Weird arse issue no.1: Jason, bestest bestest friend and occasionally sex-snack for the ardeur has just had a double whammy tragedy. His long term relationship with someone who was serious “’till death do us part’” material has collapsed AND he found out that his dad is dying of terminal cancer.
What to do? I know, LET’S HAVE SEX! Afterall we all need a threesome after learning our dad’s dying right?

Weird arse issue no.2: Kink. Maybe this is just an issue with me, but the way Hamilton deals with kinkiness (in particular, BDSM) drives me mad. EVERYONE in her books who is kinky is damaged, insane or evil. Everyone. (Actually she does something similar with gay villains for that matter). Damaged: (Nathaniel, the Swanmanes, Asher), more than a little bugnuts (Narcissus), evil (Raina, Gabriel). And then we get to her definition of the dreadful kink. Anita runs screaming for the last 3-4 books because she may have to get kinky with Nathaniel to keep him happy. NOOOO, what perverse acts will she be forced to... Velcro cuffs and holding a little to hard? Really? That’s it? This is the hard edgy kinky BDSM?

It reads like an extremely vanilla person trying to be edgy and kinky but at the same time being extremely squicked by it.

Weird Arse Issue no. 3: The Weretiger women have the ability to send out a psychic call that summons eligible males to them for an orgy. Oh, and Anita can do it now. *Le Sigh* once, just ONCE, I’d like to see a supernatural group that DOESN’T have lots of mystical sexoring. Seriously, if they ever run across a dragon I expect it to breath dildos and condoms. Next book Anita will probably master the art of Troll Humping or other strange sex-based magic.

Weird Arse Issue no. 4: Anita has said repeatedly she needs someone uncomplicated to have sex with for the ardeur. And despite being surrounded by DOZENS of guys who have, in some cases, spent CENTURIES having casual sex, sex for need, sex for plotting, sex just for the hell of it, she can’t find a SINGLE ONE who will have sex without demanding Twu Luv and Happily Ever After feelings. It’s like the whole plot is on permanent repeat “have sex with guy, guy wishes to live happily ever after, guy’s issues are kinda solved, next guy...”

Now for the non-sex issues, (and yes, we can has them). The whole plot of this book basically revolves around Jason taking Anita to see his dad to prove he’s not gay (despite the fact his whole family agree that he slept with any woman who looked at him twice when he was living at home) with the additional problem that Jason looks so much like his distant cousin/half brother that it’s uncanny (and people who are INTIMATELY familiar with both, mistake them - so we’re talking identical twin level of resemblance). Obvious guy-who-looks-like-Jason does some really stupid shit and Jason gets in trouble for it, what fun.

Blaargle, doesn’t it sound like a plot from a really bad soap? Mistaken identities! A huge big act to put the wool over the eyes of the dying father! What with Wayne and Shane think?! The plot’s pretty awful and pretty damned implausible and makes my teeth ache at the convolutedness.

There’s little to redeem this book. The plot is pretty bad, completely missable and rather pointless. Anita adds two more men to the sexoring list. Mother of all Darkness is still scary, Anita gets some more shiny powers. Lots of relationship angst with Jason, lots of unnecessary sex.

Comments

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I'm still holding out hope for Skin Trade, since Edward is coming back.

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

....ow. XD
i gotta say, i'm worried when you're saying "sex" and "unnecessary" in the same sentence. several times, even. but when you're describing the sex action (i have visuals of her curled up in her chair, trying to type with one hand, cover her eyes with the other going "ew ew ew ew") and plot like that, i can't say i'd be asking for more, either. ugh. that sounds perfectly awful.

also, if you make all your bad and crazy share one characteristic? yeah, your audience is going to notice. it reminds me of e. bear's characterization post.

[suryaofvulcan.livejournal.com]

Blaargle, doesn’t it sound like a plot from a really bad soap? Mistaken identities! A huge big act to put the wool over the eyes of the dying father!

Either that or Shakespeare.

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

At this point, my only interaction with these books is through various snarky communities. They were not kind to this book.

Velcro cuffs are hard-edge? Does the woman not have Google?

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Heh. I have run into exactly two mainstream-ish authors that do kink without the "there must be something WRONG with you before you'd do such a terrible thign" vibe. Mercedes Lackey, in whose work it is very subtle, but there if you recognize the signs, and John Ringo, who not only writes about kink, but in at least one book has a secondary character explicitly explaining to a confused young main character why his strange impulses are healthy, not evil. I wanted to somehow e-mail the guy a hug after I read that one.

http://www.webscription.net/10.1125/Baen/0743471644/0743471644.htm <--He's put said book online as part of Baen's "We think DRM is stupid, here have free internet books" project, even. :) Just in case you care to read it.

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

Do you think Laurell Hamilton read the Gor novels, and this is her ill-plotted "revenge"?

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Misty Lackey? Huh. I wonder if you could give me an example? I'm not arguing with you; I'm annoyed at myself, because I'm usually fairly quick to pick up on hints of kink.

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

The most obvious instance I can think of is in the Black Gryphon books. There's some VERY blatant non-consentual kink in the case of the bad guy in the White Gryphon, but it's coupled with a number of remarks about that being a perversion of the way things ought to work. And there are ALL kinds of comments about Amberdrake and what kestrachern (sp?) do for people that point in that direction, including jokes about him knowing a lot about knots and tying people up. There's also some bits in the Mage Winds books with the Hawkbrothers, and taking about healing somebody through pleasure or through pain... It's all, as I said, pretty subtle, I never noticed any of it when I was reading them as a kid, but on recent re-reads it seems pretty clear.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Oh. Duh. Yeah. *thwaps self across forehead in the manner of a V-8 Juice commercial* *is an idiot*

All I was managing to remember was Ancar and whats-her-name getting off on torturing Talia, which hardly struck me as a positive portrayal.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*le sigh* Edward? Edward was in Harlequinn. Or rather Mr. OMG-I'm-getting-married-with-kids-let-us-now-have-a-deep-relationship-talk. Seriously, he went from being the psychopath with the uncomplicated and fulfilling goal of killing stuff to yet ANOTHER man filled with angst and relationship issues. I don't mind him being fleshed out as a character - but another guy crippled with angst and relationship issues?

I can see it now...

Anita: Edward, there's only one way we can defeat this vampire and save Donna...
Edward: I trust you Anita, and you know what I'll do to kill the monsters
Anita: You must have sex with me.
Edward: What?
Anita: Yes, you and Peter. You both remain some of the only male characters in the entire series that I haven't slept with or aren't dead. Hurry up, I have a threesome booked with Dolph and Zerbrowski at 3:00...

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I know, and this is ME talking! Sex is never unnecessary!

But it's boring. And it's unnecessary. And the sex scenes last Ages, you skip ahead several pages. And it's repetative - the same descriptions are always used. Oh and all the participants ALL react the same way. The scream, sometimes they go blind/pass out briefly from TEH ORGASMS OF DOOOOOM, then no-one can walk for 15 minutes afterwards (we're talking vampires and werewolves here with supernatural stamina too). I sometimes think she copies and pastes her sex scenes and just changes the names.

Do you know what's funny? When responding to readers complaining that the books had gone too porny Ms. Hamilton responded with "readers are scared of the new edgy direction of the books." Edgy? Vanilla sex with lots of guys? This is edgy?


Oooh I read that post, it's so very very very good. And it makes a good point. I've done a quick mental count and ALL the kinky people are either on the bad guy's side or are broken (abused as children, abused by their rulers, abused by master vampires, abused by the chief evil shapeshifter. All of them)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Shakespeare is Allowed. Because he did it First. :P

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I am not surprised. It wouldn't be so bad if all her books were crappy porn - but the first few were so good that you have a lot of hacked off readers grumbling around.

She does not need google! She is convinced her books are "edgy." I loled.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

Oooooh thankee.

I've not been able to find Mercedes Lackey's first books (very old and out of print?) and it feels odd to buy later books in a series without buying the first few... which is a shame because I want to read her

I am reading it as I can :). It's an interesting sci-fi concept. I likes. And generous of the author too to respond in this manner. If I finish it and like it I shall buy it paper :)

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

*shudder* invoke not the name of Gor! Poor paper never did anything to deserve THAT being printed on it

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Well, although a lot of her books are all in the same setting, they come in little discrete story sets so although, for example, the Gryphon books were published before the Winds books, and there's some continuity between then, not reading the Gryphon books won't leave you feeling lost while reading the Winds books. Also I think they may be more widely available on this side of the pond, as I've never had any trouble getting her older things here. If I'd but known a year or so ago, I had two full sets of one of her earliest trilogies, even. :) But I gave the extras away to goodwill when we moved.

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

Her blog swears that Anita won't boff Edward. However fans are "pushing for it."

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

My sex life is edgier than these books. And while I'm not vanilla, I'm really only barely past chocolate. Maybe chocolate with sprinkles. Or whipped cream on top...I'll stop now.

[home-of-usher.livejournal.com]

Personally I like the first 3 books of Black Gryphon. I couldn't get into the rest. Maybe because the so-called Beasts were the most developed characters compared to any other book in the fantasy series I was able to read. Not that the human characters were not developed, but it seemed more about the Gryphons and their lives and personalities than the story revolving around the humans. Unlike the dragons of Pern who just did not seem to have even the slightest hint of personality other than some weirdly unhelpful and unfathomable extension of the riders.

Also bear in mind the first Gryphon three books were not Just Lackey but Larry Dixon was also helping. I think they have a different feel than the other parts of the series. I keep losing my books too when I move. Some I gave away to friends. But I do recommend Sparky read Black Gryphon, White Gryphon and Silver Gryphon, just to say he did.