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sparkindarknessYes it is Homophobia and Yes it hurts.
There is something I am increasingly tired of. Tired and truly worn out over. It’s the word “gay”
Now, the word itself is not one I have problems with. There are words I do have problems with (oh believe me there are) and their mere utterance will elicit instant howler-monkey rage from me (actually, Beloved says I’m incapable of Howler-Monkey-Rage, I just get polite, formal and legalistic when severely pissed. It’s a lawyer thing - formal legalese delivered in a tone that can shave ice is far more acceptable in court than throwing things at the judge).
Gay is not one of those words. I call myself gay - I am gay. A gay man. A homosexual man and I am happy with that word as a descriptor.
If we let ourselves be a little dated with the language, it can also mean “happy” or “carefree.”
So the word gay means homosexual or happy/carefree (but probably not unless you’re older than most).
Gay does not mean “bad” “broken” “flawed” “lame” “diseased” “inferior” or other miscellaneous descriptor. People use it that way because being described as gay (as in, homosexual) was/is considered a BAD thing. When calling something or someone gay to infer that it is broken or insufficient in some way you are saying that being gay and gay people are bad, wrong, broken etc etc.
Logophilos posted this link a while ago which I’ve meant to pass on (though completely forgot, as usual): http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/ it says it quite well.
It may not be meant that way, but that is what is being said. Every time you use the word “gay” to mean “bad” then you are making a blatant statement that being gay is a bad thing. Every time you use the word “gay” to mean “bad” you are insulting us. And it’s not a small insult - you are saying that we are inherently inferior, bad, broken or flawed.
Worst of all is that this hurtful piece of offensive homophobia is common, extremely common. I doubt very much a week has gone by in the last few years that I HAVEN’T heard it. Often I will hear it several times a day. Several times I will hear people around me, media, peers, colleagues say that I am broken and inferior. It’s like a constant barrage. I, and every other homosexual, has to face this all the damn time. It’s exhausting. It’s tiring. It’s damned depressing.
And to cap it off and make it worse it’s considered SOCIETALLY acceptable. It’s ok. It’s “evolving language” “they didn’t mean it.” Society and the masses tell me it’s perfectly ok and even polite to constantly barrage us with this level of constant homophobia.
I hate to do this. I always feel like when you do this you are somehow trying to score points off other oppressed groups, which is completely not my intention but it DOES serve to draw attention to prejudice which people cannot see it. And this is a major problem with homophobia because homophobia is one of those rare prejudices where it is COMMONLY acceptable to be OPENLY bigoted - it is not only considered societally acceptable and even considered morally righteous.
So, let me, for sake of highlighting and emphasis (NOT because the mentioned groups are involved in any way) engage in some word replacement.
“My router has dced me again, it’s so gay.” (Heard more times on WoW than I can count).
“My router has dced me again, it’s such a Jew.”
My guess is most of you cringed on reading that second line. I know I did.
How about:
“What are you wearing? Those shoes are so gay.”
“What are you wearing? Those shoes are so black.”
I winced again. It’s not pleasant and it’s not right. It’s disgusting, it’s offensive, it’s insulting and it’s painful for any decent person to read.
And no, changing the spelling to “ghey” doesn’t change it. Seriously. “My homophobic remark is not a homophobic remark because my spelling is atrocious?”
It is now even more relevant since the Association of Teachers and Lecturers have reported that “Gay” is BY FAR the most common insult used by children - especially secondary school children. In fact, 83% of them said they had heard children use it - more than TWICE the rate of ANY OTHER ABUSIVE TERM. Not just directed at the gay kids but as a the most common insult thrown.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7289390.stm
Are we understanding this? Can you imagine being a gay kid or teen growing up in these conditions? The world is SATURATED with the constant message that we are inferior. We are wrong. We are broken. Is it any bloody wonder that homosexual suicide rates are so damned high?
But still they make excuses. Even teachers are claiming ambiguous use so it’s not worth tackling. It’s not meant to be homophobic. It isn’t homophobic. We’re overreacting.
REALLY?
Shall we look at the other insults the teachers hear kids and teens throw at each other? It lists the top 11. Let me copy and paste them:
Gay (83%)
Bitch (59%)
Slag (45%)
Poof (29%)
Batty boy (29%)
Slut (26%)
Queer (26%)
Lezzie (24.8%)
Homo (22%)
Faggot (11%)
Sissy (5%)
So, out of the top 11 insults kids and teens use 7 of them are blatant homophobic slurs. 8 if you include “Sissy.”
Are we seeing this? 8 out of the top 11 insults used by kids and teens are blatantly homophobic.
But it’s not homophobia? The fact that “gay” is used so commonly as an insult is NOT an indication that the word “gay” in this context is not homophobic - it just shows how acceptable and saturated homophobia IS! Or are we going to have a round of people saying “Well, when the kids say ‘poof’ they’re not being homophobic...”?
Y’know? We probably will. After all, it’s just us oversensitive Queers getting our knickers in a twist. I mean, a daily barrage of constant, degrading insults? Being brought up in schools where you’re reminded how inferior you are 8 or 9 times a day - and the teachers don’t think it’s an issue. We’re just being touchy, oversensitive. We’re probably even oppressing people by objecting.
Well, I object. I’m tired of it. I am sick to the back teeth with it. I am sick of the daily ordeal of casual homophobia. I am sick of being treated like a hysteric because I object. I am sick of people not having the common decency to treat their fellow people with respect and I am sick of society calling homophobia ok.
It’s not ok. It’s not right. And we shouldn’t have to tolerate this shit.
There is something I am increasingly tired of. Tired and truly worn out over. It’s the word “gay”
Now, the word itself is not one I have problems with. There are words I do have problems with (oh believe me there are) and their mere utterance will elicit instant howler-monkey rage from me (actually, Beloved says I’m incapable of Howler-Monkey-Rage, I just get polite, formal and legalistic when severely pissed. It’s a lawyer thing - formal legalese delivered in a tone that can shave ice is far more acceptable in court than throwing things at the judge).
Gay is not one of those words. I call myself gay - I am gay. A gay man. A homosexual man and I am happy with that word as a descriptor.
If we let ourselves be a little dated with the language, it can also mean “happy” or “carefree.”
So the word gay means homosexual or happy/carefree (but probably not unless you’re older than most).
Gay does not mean “bad” “broken” “flawed” “lame” “diseased” “inferior” or other miscellaneous descriptor. People use it that way because being described as gay (as in, homosexual) was/is considered a BAD thing. When calling something or someone gay to infer that it is broken or insufficient in some way you are saying that being gay and gay people are bad, wrong, broken etc etc.
Logophilos posted this link a while ago which I’ve meant to pass on (though completely forgot, as usual): http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/ it says it quite well.
It may not be meant that way, but that is what is being said. Every time you use the word “gay” to mean “bad” then you are making a blatant statement that being gay is a bad thing. Every time you use the word “gay” to mean “bad” you are insulting us. And it’s not a small insult - you are saying that we are inherently inferior, bad, broken or flawed.
Worst of all is that this hurtful piece of offensive homophobia is common, extremely common. I doubt very much a week has gone by in the last few years that I HAVEN’T heard it. Often I will hear it several times a day. Several times I will hear people around me, media, peers, colleagues say that I am broken and inferior. It’s like a constant barrage. I, and every other homosexual, has to face this all the damn time. It’s exhausting. It’s tiring. It’s damned depressing.
And to cap it off and make it worse it’s considered SOCIETALLY acceptable. It’s ok. It’s “evolving language” “they didn’t mean it.” Society and the masses tell me it’s perfectly ok and even polite to constantly barrage us with this level of constant homophobia.
I hate to do this. I always feel like when you do this you are somehow trying to score points off other oppressed groups, which is completely not my intention but it DOES serve to draw attention to prejudice which people cannot see it. And this is a major problem with homophobia because homophobia is one of those rare prejudices where it is COMMONLY acceptable to be OPENLY bigoted - it is not only considered societally acceptable and even considered morally righteous.
So, let me, for sake of highlighting and emphasis (NOT because the mentioned groups are involved in any way) engage in some word replacement.
“My router has dced me again, it’s so gay.” (Heard more times on WoW than I can count).
“My router has dced me again, it’s such a Jew.”
My guess is most of you cringed on reading that second line. I know I did.
How about:
“What are you wearing? Those shoes are so gay.”
“What are you wearing? Those shoes are so black.”
I winced again. It’s not pleasant and it’s not right. It’s disgusting, it’s offensive, it’s insulting and it’s painful for any decent person to read.
And no, changing the spelling to “ghey” doesn’t change it. Seriously. “My homophobic remark is not a homophobic remark because my spelling is atrocious?”
It is now even more relevant since the Association of Teachers and Lecturers have reported that “Gay” is BY FAR the most common insult used by children - especially secondary school children. In fact, 83% of them said they had heard children use it - more than TWICE the rate of ANY OTHER ABUSIVE TERM. Not just directed at the gay kids but as a the most common insult thrown.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7289390.stm
Are we understanding this? Can you imagine being a gay kid or teen growing up in these conditions? The world is SATURATED with the constant message that we are inferior. We are wrong. We are broken. Is it any bloody wonder that homosexual suicide rates are so damned high?
But still they make excuses. Even teachers are claiming ambiguous use so it’s not worth tackling. It’s not meant to be homophobic. It isn’t homophobic. We’re overreacting.
REALLY?
Shall we look at the other insults the teachers hear kids and teens throw at each other? It lists the top 11. Let me copy and paste them:
Gay (83%)
Bitch (59%)
Slag (45%)
Poof (29%)
Batty boy (29%)
Slut (26%)
Queer (26%)
Lezzie (24.8%)
Homo (22%)
Faggot (11%)
Sissy (5%)
So, out of the top 11 insults kids and teens use 7 of them are blatant homophobic slurs. 8 if you include “Sissy.”
Are we seeing this? 8 out of the top 11 insults used by kids and teens are blatantly homophobic.
But it’s not homophobia? The fact that “gay” is used so commonly as an insult is NOT an indication that the word “gay” in this context is not homophobic - it just shows how acceptable and saturated homophobia IS! Or are we going to have a round of people saying “Well, when the kids say ‘poof’ they’re not being homophobic...”?
Y’know? We probably will. After all, it’s just us oversensitive Queers getting our knickers in a twist. I mean, a daily barrage of constant, degrading insults? Being brought up in schools where you’re reminded how inferior you are 8 or 9 times a day - and the teachers don’t think it’s an issue. We’re just being touchy, oversensitive. We’re probably even oppressing people by objecting.
Well, I object. I’m tired of it. I am sick to the back teeth with it. I am sick of the daily ordeal of casual homophobia. I am sick of being treated like a hysteric because I object. I am sick of people not having the common decency to treat their fellow people with respect and I am sick of society calling homophobia ok.
It’s not ok. It’s not right. And we shouldn’t have to tolerate this shit.