There is a monster in my kitchen

There is a monster in my kitchen and Beloved is afraid of it. Not only is he afraid of it, but I think he fears for my safety as well

There can be no other explanation to why he feels unable to allow either us to occupy the kitchen alone. Clearly, vanquishing this monster will require both of us, it's our own means of survival


Sparky: *is making tea and coffee*
Beloved: Aha! Now is the time for me to empty the dishwasher! Why yes it does involve barricading the kettle and coffee machine... what? I'm not in the way am I?

Sparky: *is baking bread*
Beloved: The fridge! I need to clean the fridge now!

Sparky: *making cheesecake*
Beloved: Just coming through to write a shopping list. Let me check everything in the cupboard and move things around

Sparky: *is cooking a meal for 5,000 people with exquisite skill and panache*
Beloved: That extractor fan that has never worked and we don't need anyway? I am going to try and fix it now. And even though it hasn't worked for years, it's vitally important I fix it now. Right now. No, it cannot wait

Sparky: *is making parcels and quiche*
Beloved: I am here to clean up! Let me move spoons and bowls before you've finished with them and put them away! Yes, every meal preperation is improved by co9ntsnatly looking for a damn knie

Sparky: *PLEASE LET ME COOK*
Beloved: I'm just checking how the tins are organised in the cupboard. It took me ages to find the tuna the other day


So, there's a monster. I don't know where it is but Beloved must and he is defending me. Why else would he leave the kitchen empty for hours on end and suddenly remember a dozen pointless tasks whenever I try to get something done? It's either a monster or he is deliberately trying to get in my way and annoy me. And I think he has a better sense of self-preservation than to do that

On using a marginalised psuedonym

There has been a drama in the m/m genre with a popular author using a male pseudonym and fake gay bio (quite an elaborate one at that) – and it turns out that (SHOCK HORROR) she is actually a woman. Several people have rightfully condemned said fraud. And others are shocked, SHOCKED that such deceptions have been practised.

I sometimes wonder if these people practice their shocked face in front of the mirror to maintain its authenticity – or whether they have problems with their memory because, really, at what point does a thing have to be repeated for you not to be shocked by this?

I was going to write a long long post about it, but, again, I remind myself that this is a shark tank I don't want to jump into and those who get it already do, those who don't will defend just about anything (though I will say I am vaguely amused by the people commenting in threads saying how terribad such behaviour is when they have done/defended such in the past) and, frankly, I don't want another migraine causing inbox full of privilege, entitlement and gross homophobia which I always get whenever the subject is touched on.

My general posts on m/m genre are still in my tags and I won't repeat them

I will say that using an identity like this is out of line. When you pretend to be a marginalised body you are claiming an experience you haven't had. At the most basic, this is like putting “Dr.” before your name when you don't have the qualifications to back it. But it's worse than that – because you're not only claiming an experience you don't have – but you're claiming a marginalisation you haven't experienced – your claiming an insight into a persecuted body that you do not have. You are exploiting our persecution for your own gain.

Read More

Too irritated to be productive

Dear Bosses and work colleagues

If you're going to expect me to come in on a Sunday, at no notice and generally in complete disregard of any possibility of my having a life then ahev the common decency to be on time, damn it

Especially since I'm here because of your screw ups. This is arse saving mode and it's not my arse that's imperilled nor my fool head that fucked up.

There had better be grovelling. And if I'm kept waiting much longer something better be on freaking fire.

Thank the gods for kindles, flash drives and internet connections. Except now I'm too irritated to use any of them effectively