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This means war!
Mar. 23rd, 2011 11:11 pmWar has been declared, I'm afraid. Hostilities have been opened. And it will not ende until Beloved admits defeat.
See, Beloved was caught red handed in the cardinal sin of Making A Hot Beverage Without Making Me One. He was right there, cup in hand, kettle just boiled and NO DRINK FOR ME!
I think we all agree that this is a crime of epic magnitude and is grossly irredeamable and unforgiveable.
Worse, he even tried to excuse himself. He claimed, and I quote "I did not know you wanted one."
We need to be aware here that he never asked. AND that ever since I was able to hold a cup in my own hands I have never ever turned down the offer of coffee. I'm a lawyer for crying out loud! Upon leaving law school they removed my blood and replaced it with sweet sweet caffein. His excuse was found wanting, yes yes it was.
So now he is making me coffee. Roughly every 30 minutes. I assume this is to prove that sooner or later I will say "I don't want coffee" and this will, somehow, magically make him "right." (ooooh why does he persist in trying to win these? You think he'd know better).
While I am swimming in coffee and may never sleep again, I do have a reserve plan. Beloved only ever makes passable coffee (at best). Every cup he has made tonight has got steadily worse. The... substance congealing in my cup at the moment bears not even the slightest resemblence to actual coffee. Calling it that may be sacrilege. It certainly would fall foul of the ASA and trading standards.
So, I can refuse a top up because it's no longer coffee and may indeed be toxic. I will count this as a win.
And plan revenge!
For 2 days ago I protected his tinned salmon.
I hate tinned salmon. It's vinegary mush that is an insult to real salmon (which, my friends HE WILL NOT EAT! No, he will eat tinned salmon but not freshly smoked Scottish salmon!? Surely this is proof that he is eternally wrong and should just concede every time we debate?!)
He opened a tin. The cat smelled it.
That was it. THE SALMON WOULD BE HERS!
She won't eat her normal food. For DAYS she has sat and YOWLED and YOWLED and YOWLED. Then nibbled her normal food and thrown it up.
But there is a rule - rule 456: DO NOT FEED THE CAT FOOD YOU DO NOT LIKE IF YOUR PARTNER THINKS IT'S NOMMY. Otherwise we return to the Great Food Wars and the Very Fat Cat. So I endured the yowling while he smugly ate his vinegary mess.
And we have 3 tins of salmon left.
And a sad cat.
Poor sad cat
I feel sorry for the cat. Yes yes I do
*evil grin*
It's NOT retaliation. It's kindness for the sad cat. yes yes it is.
See, Beloved was caught red handed in the cardinal sin of Making A Hot Beverage Without Making Me One. He was right there, cup in hand, kettle just boiled and NO DRINK FOR ME!
I think we all agree that this is a crime of epic magnitude and is grossly irredeamable and unforgiveable.
Worse, he even tried to excuse himself. He claimed, and I quote "I did not know you wanted one."
We need to be aware here that he never asked. AND that ever since I was able to hold a cup in my own hands I have never ever turned down the offer of coffee. I'm a lawyer for crying out loud! Upon leaving law school they removed my blood and replaced it with sweet sweet caffein. His excuse was found wanting, yes yes it was.
So now he is making me coffee. Roughly every 30 minutes. I assume this is to prove that sooner or later I will say "I don't want coffee" and this will, somehow, magically make him "right." (ooooh why does he persist in trying to win these? You think he'd know better).
While I am swimming in coffee and may never sleep again, I do have a reserve plan. Beloved only ever makes passable coffee (at best). Every cup he has made tonight has got steadily worse. The... substance congealing in my cup at the moment bears not even the slightest resemblence to actual coffee. Calling it that may be sacrilege. It certainly would fall foul of the ASA and trading standards.
So, I can refuse a top up because it's no longer coffee and may indeed be toxic. I will count this as a win.
And plan revenge!
For 2 days ago I protected his tinned salmon.
I hate tinned salmon. It's vinegary mush that is an insult to real salmon (which, my friends HE WILL NOT EAT! No, he will eat tinned salmon but not freshly smoked Scottish salmon!? Surely this is proof that he is eternally wrong and should just concede every time we debate?!)
He opened a tin. The cat smelled it.
That was it. THE SALMON WOULD BE HERS!
She won't eat her normal food. For DAYS she has sat and YOWLED and YOWLED and YOWLED. Then nibbled her normal food and thrown it up.
But there is a rule - rule 456: DO NOT FEED THE CAT FOOD YOU DO NOT LIKE IF YOUR PARTNER THINKS IT'S NOMMY. Otherwise we return to the Great Food Wars and the Very Fat Cat. So I endured the yowling while he smugly ate his vinegary mess.
And we have 3 tins of salmon left.
And a sad cat.
Poor sad cat
I feel sorry for the cat. Yes yes I do
*evil grin*
It's NOT retaliation. It's kindness for the sad cat. yes yes it is.