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Well that was tiring
Mar. 20th, 2011 01:50 amSpent most of the day at Beloved's parents with them and his siblings which is AWKWARD.
Not that they aren't nice people. They are, very very very very very very nice. And polite. OH so polite.
Whyyyy?
Well, see his dad is/was/something a raging homophobe. And when his son came out he had a gear clash and landed on "THIS IS MY SON! SCREW YOU PREJUDICE I WILL NOT HURT HIM!!" and Beloved has never ever reported a bad incident from him and he even made an effort to clean his tongue of casual homophobia once Beloved came out (in fact, his parents dealt far better with his coming out than mine).
But then there's me. I am "NASTY GAY WHO IS NOT MY SON!" which runs smack bang into "BUT HURTING HIM WILL HURT SON! MUST... FIGHT... PREJUDICE". Which leads to him almost visibly internally struggling. It's not as bad as it WAS of course the years have worn off the edges but every now and then you see the sudden "zomg-I-am-constipated-and-trying-to-shit-out-a-hippo" look and know he's having a conflict moment. Or occasionally he'll look like someone just hit him with a plate-armoured smurf as something homophobic was heading up out of the mouth and his internal censors got there JUUUUUUST in time. And then of course the times when the censors don't get there. And I don't know what's worse, the times they don't and he doesn't realise it and he rambles on with this big nasty THING hanging over the conversation, or the times he realises and then doesn't know whether to change the subject and pretend it didn't happen or apologise. And sometimes it's like really big and blatant like an utter unambiguous slur. Generally he stays as quiet as he can and tries to avoid direct conversation with me. Which is alllll warm and fuzzy.
And then there's his mother who has much the sam attitudes, but better self-censors. She covers not by carefully avoiding me, but by chatting in nervous tension all the time. And it's like the QUEEN IS HERE to visit! And she's like, TOTALLY JUDGING YOU. The TEA was put in that cup BEFORE the milk! ONE IS NOT AMUSED! The Royal Disapproval has been EARNED.
I think she rehearses every word she says in her head before saying it and she speaks to me with quite ridiculous formality. hey, it's your son-in-law of 5 years, not the tax inspector.
Then there is his older sister who is 9 kinds of awesome. Yes yes she is. But she also has a sense of humour, a wicked one. And when she sees the AWKWARD she POKES it she does. Which means at the first stammer she will push the conversation to be GAY ISSUES ALL THE TIME and then giggle as people tie themselves in knots. Which, y'know I'm sure is great fun for her, but generally just makes things more awkward.
And his younger sister who is COOL AND EDGY. Yes. *ahem*. She always has a joke, a joke that is EDGY. And Beloved says she always has had and he always threatens to respond with edged weapons and if we're REALLY lucky, we can then have a discussion of "pc-ism" round the dinner table that she will then return to ALL FREAKING NIGHT until someone threatens her with violence if she doesn't stop it.
In general I give them both big props for the effort they put in, and big side-eyes for having to. Ye gods guys we've been married since 2006. We've lived together since, what, 2001? 2002? And started dating a few months after that (don't ask, it's complicated) you've had time to become used to this idea, damn it. I think 5 years of wedded chaos is long enough for you to acclamtise to the fact that "ZOMG! I have a son-in-law where a daughter-in-law should be?!" I often wonder how they talk when we're not there (most awesome sister says I do NOT want to know).
It's not as awful as it sounds, I guess. Most of the time TEH GAY is forgotten and we actually act *gasp* family like! And then something will happen, his dad will think of something and I will suddenly become invisible because he has remembered TEH GAY. Or edgy sister will make a joke (or bring up last awkwardness). Or his mother will relax enough not to rehearse a sentence or his dad's self-censorship will fail and there will be badness...
Beloved always feels a little mauled coming back, but is always quick to point out my family is waaaay worse (which is true, I guess). He's currently sleeping it off. I will make him big sticky sweet things (I mean BAKING you sick sick people) and take his mind off things tomorrow.
Not that they aren't nice people. They are, very very very very very very nice. And polite. OH so polite.
Whyyyy?
Well, see his dad is/was/something a raging homophobe. And when his son came out he had a gear clash and landed on "THIS IS MY SON! SCREW YOU PREJUDICE I WILL NOT HURT HIM!!" and Beloved has never ever reported a bad incident from him and he even made an effort to clean his tongue of casual homophobia once Beloved came out (in fact, his parents dealt far better with his coming out than mine).
But then there's me. I am "NASTY GAY WHO IS NOT MY SON!" which runs smack bang into "BUT HURTING HIM WILL HURT SON! MUST... FIGHT... PREJUDICE". Which leads to him almost visibly internally struggling. It's not as bad as it WAS of course the years have worn off the edges but every now and then you see the sudden "zomg-I-am-constipated-and-trying-to-shit-out-a-hippo" look and know he's having a conflict moment. Or occasionally he'll look like someone just hit him with a plate-armoured smurf as something homophobic was heading up out of the mouth and his internal censors got there JUUUUUUST in time. And then of course the times when the censors don't get there. And I don't know what's worse, the times they don't and he doesn't realise it and he rambles on with this big nasty THING hanging over the conversation, or the times he realises and then doesn't know whether to change the subject and pretend it didn't happen or apologise. And sometimes it's like really big and blatant like an utter unambiguous slur. Generally he stays as quiet as he can and tries to avoid direct conversation with me. Which is alllll warm and fuzzy.
And then there's his mother who has much the sam attitudes, but better self-censors. She covers not by carefully avoiding me, but by chatting in nervous tension all the time. And it's like the QUEEN IS HERE to visit! And she's like, TOTALLY JUDGING YOU. The TEA was put in that cup BEFORE the milk! ONE IS NOT AMUSED! The Royal Disapproval has been EARNED.
I think she rehearses every word she says in her head before saying it and she speaks to me with quite ridiculous formality. hey, it's your son-in-law of 5 years, not the tax inspector.
Then there is his older sister who is 9 kinds of awesome. Yes yes she is. But she also has a sense of humour, a wicked one. And when she sees the AWKWARD she POKES it she does. Which means at the first stammer she will push the conversation to be GAY ISSUES ALL THE TIME and then giggle as people tie themselves in knots. Which, y'know I'm sure is great fun for her, but generally just makes things more awkward.
And his younger sister who is COOL AND EDGY. Yes. *ahem*. She always has a joke, a joke that is EDGY. And Beloved says she always has had and he always threatens to respond with edged weapons and if we're REALLY lucky, we can then have a discussion of "pc-ism" round the dinner table that she will then return to ALL FREAKING NIGHT until someone threatens her with violence if she doesn't stop it.
In general I give them both big props for the effort they put in, and big side-eyes for having to. Ye gods guys we've been married since 2006. We've lived together since, what, 2001? 2002? And started dating a few months after that (don't ask, it's complicated) you've had time to become used to this idea, damn it. I think 5 years of wedded chaos is long enough for you to acclamtise to the fact that "ZOMG! I have a son-in-law where a daughter-in-law should be?!" I often wonder how they talk when we're not there (most awesome sister says I do NOT want to know).
It's not as awful as it sounds, I guess. Most of the time TEH GAY is forgotten and we actually act *gasp* family like! And then something will happen, his dad will think of something and I will suddenly become invisible because he has remembered TEH GAY. Or edgy sister will make a joke (or bring up last awkwardness). Or his mother will relax enough not to rehearse a sentence or his dad's self-censorship will fail and there will be badness...
Beloved always feels a little mauled coming back, but is always quick to point out my family is waaaay worse (which is true, I guess). He's currently sleeping it off. I will make him big sticky sweet things (I mean BAKING you sick sick people) and take his mind off things tomorrow.